If Only I Could Dream
by Tenebrion Factor
Summary: When Johnny returns from his little holiday, he finds that he may not be as cold as he wants and one person is in the way of that. Complete.
1. Prologue

If only I could dream  
Prologue  
If I could ever change one thing  
I think I'd change my mind  
Let go of hateful memories  
And leave these thoughts behind  
If I could flush one thing away  
I'd flush away my pain  
For now I only keep it down  
To only bring more shame  
If I could shut off just one light  
That light is all I'd feel  
Want none of this emotion  
Just another thing to kill  
If I could destroy part of me  
I would destroy my heart  
This vital organ ruptures me  
It's tearing me apart  
This loneliness does not exist  
Yet in my mind it feeds  
This urge to kill will kill me soon  
If only I could dream. 


	2. Demons

If Only I could Dream  
  
A/N: My first Johnny fic, and my first fic on FF.net. A vast majority was written in the dark depths of the morn, since I can't seem to fall asleep before 2 - 3 am, so I apologize if it seems somewhat odder then it should and I also apologize if this first part seems slow, as I have no idea where I'm going with this. I find that spur of the moment writings are often some of the best. You may have (or maybe not. I don't fully agree everybody's musical preference) also noted that the chapter titles are song titles, possibly lyrics within a song (I haven't gotten as far as to give these chapters titles yet, nor have actually made it past the beginning of chapter two as I write this. Plus there are songs with the same name). No I don't own these particular songs, and as always, the meaningless disclaimer: I don't own any of Jhonen Vasquez's wonderfully created characters. I am full of envy and a lack of sleep and creativity (I write in a notebook before I type). Oh woe is I.  
  
Hopefully tonight I may sleep, and then this story won't come out as shitty as I predict it will, and has already begun to be. But if I can't, I shall grace you wonderful readers (if any) and fellow writers (well, I don't actually think I'm quite good enough to be considered a writer.) with the glorious and grotesque words of this story..Or I'll draw. I like to draw. Drawing helps me escape reality and fall away into the pictures of my head. This is a long author's note, huh? Are any of you tired of me writing yet? Or continuously sticking these (((()))) in this note of mine? I haven't eaten all day. Sorry. No I'm not. I hope the darkness eats you.  
  
Chapter 1: Demons  
  
The crunching and rustling of fall leaves beneath his long, black boots broke the deafening silence, the kind that seemed to follow him those past few months. That odd sort of silence that made you think; caused you to question what, who you are and who you were; that silence like the calm before the storm- broken like glass.  
  
Yet this time, he did not question , did not wonder, didn't at all attempt a thought on the subject of his own morals. As if he could. He didn't have morals anymore. He had become that antagonizing creature he sought to become a year back. Or was it two years? Three.? Hm. Draining one's mind of all emotion, or at least those that held him back, lust and loneliness and all, tends to distract one from such a pointless matter, as this 'time' was pointless. He didn't need to know years and days and weeks. He was now, fully and truly, himself.  
  
Johnny C.  
  
He sighed, abruptly stopping without any knowledge of doing so, as if by instinct, and turned to face the house. 777. Just as he remembered it. That shabby dwelling, tattooed with cracks, shut away by boards. He blinked sullenly, taking a quick mental note on the absence of feeling that once flowed through his frail, thin form. He had unbelievably ventured back to house, to his home, without thought. He had known sometime ago that he was ready to return, yet he had done this absent-mindedly. And as if that wasn't already disturbing, he felt no surprise by this. Yes, that emotion was nonexistent, the surprise of his own actions. He was cold.  
  
The door swung open with a hollow creak, echoing throughout the emptiness, so like his soul, and returning to his ears. Johnny gulped and blinked some more. Anticipation. He had left that one inside, though it was scarce for the time being. He took a powerful step inside, flicked the long time neglected lightswitch, and grinned.  
  
"I'm home."  
  
He twirled around in a fine little circle, filled with malevolent joy, and raised his arms in victory. "I'm home! I'm home!" His arms retracted down once more; hands to fists that he held inches infront of his face, madness glowing brightly in his eyes. He giggled insanely and whispered, voice quivering with excitement, "And there's so much to do. So much to accomplish. Goals to achieve with my newfound gift. I no longer have to feel, to be held back by myself. The human emotions have been wrung out from my system." He giggled again and jerked his head towards the window. Towards that oh-so familiar moon, hanging alone in the black. Johnny felt its presence, sensing it reach out to him, welcoming him back to whatever memories he had left. And he welcomed its grace and coldness to him, an inspiration to this new life he had now.  
  
~~~  
  
Little Todd Casil awoke, dripping in a small puddle of fear. The nightmares. Oh God, it was always the nightmares. And not just any nightmare. A reoccurring one. The one that plagued him for weeks on end lately.  
  
The Scary Neighbor Man had haunted his sleep, grinning and laughing and stabbing away at poor Mommy and Daddy. He tore insanely at their corpses and every dream and then, would beckon Squee to help, to kill off his tormentors' and be the happy child he never was. But that wasn't what scared him. His fear lay in the shadow that loomed over both him and his psychotic savior of sorts. Growling and laughing, and then it would lunge downward at them. Squee would scream in his dream, and Johnny turned his head, eyes wide and shocked. He turned around fully, menacingly almost, and jump infront of the little boy, and the shadow would take him. And take him, and take him, further and further away. And Todd was alone.  
  
Then he would awaken.  
  
But this time, it was not the nightmare that bid him awake. Shmee achieved that.  
  
"What's wrong, Shmee?" Squee's voice quivered fearfully. "Are the aliens here again? I don't like the aliens. They did bad stuff to my head." He held the teddy bear in his arms and stared with his large saucer eyes, listening to a voice that only he could hear. "Who's back?"  
  
Another moment of 'silence' passed; Squee's eyes became even larger, his forehead leaking that familiar fear again. Quietly, he pushed the covers from his form and climbed out of bed with Shmee tightly in his arms. His footsteps were faint even in all the quiet, making only the tiniest pitter- patter, and he reached the bedroom's window that had been broken so many times: Aliens and maniacs and whatnot. Mostly maniacs.and aliens. He gulped and looked out towards house 777.  
  
Were little Squee able to utter a single noise, it would've been a flat out scream, but the shock of what was happening prevented that for the moment. Instead he gaped, moving his mouth to speak, but emitting no sound.  
  
When the moment of complete and utter shock finally passed, his voiced gently oozed up his throat like an expected mess of vomit. He let out a soft "Squee," not the scream he felt earlier, then hugged Shmee with all his might. A feeling had driven itself into his body, a bad feeling, telling him that something was going to happen. "You're right, Shmee," he whispered, face slightly bathed in the light that shone from the neighboring house. "It's the Scary Neighbor Man."  
  
He glanced down, realizing that Shmee was no longer there. "Shmee? Shmee? Where'd you go? Don't leave me alone." The bedroom door slammed shut, and Squee was, in fact, left alone, huddled in a small ball. "Shmee.?"  
  
~~~  
  
"So much to do now," Johnny replied form the couch, contemplating his next move. He lifted one foot to rest on top of the dusty coffee table, ridden with dead moths and flies, and moldy food from the very night he'd left, which he hadn't even touched to begin with. Most of that filth had been eaten by a rather large rat. The very same that lay rotting in the corner, itself being eaten by maggots and time. God, how he hated time.  
  
He had, upon first discovery of the decaying rodent, stared at it for a while (he came, soon after, to the conclusion that he did more staring in that one night he had done in the past two years. Oh damn. That time thing again, he replied, quite annoyed), then proceeded to poke it's dead flesh with a random knife's tip. Then boredom took over.  
  
"No," Johnny told himself, "Boredom is just another feeling to be done without. Another feeling you sought to cleanse yourself of. You should be rid of that by now. Don't give in to what you left behind!" That was when he plopped of the cushions of the furniture piece and began to think for the fifth time that hour.  
  
He finally came to a conclusion.  
  
"Perhaps I should check to make sure that no one was left behind when I ran off," he declared aloud, standing straight up as though pulled by some invisible force. "I'm pretty sure I disposed of everyone, but you can never be too careful." He reached for the knob of the basement door and promptly opened it, still trying to escape the ever-present feeling of high school student in math class. "I would hate to have left someone to die without witnessing the snapping of their sanity as well as the snapping of their spines. Tee hee."  
  
Johnny shrugged this thought off, happy to have thought of something occupy his attention for a while rather than sit on the couch wallowing in, well, nothing. He began his journey down each step, vaguely remembering the many souls who had come down, never to actually leave the house alive if at all (he could still see Jimmy's corpse decaying at the bottom of the stairs, to which Nny responded with a sickened face and a , "damn, it'll take me forever to clear out the stench of that distasteful wretch."). He also remembered Nailbunny.  
  
Ah, Nailbunny. The one true voice that kept him so many times from ending it all, or at least tried to. Johnny always thought of few of its attempts to be vain, since something else seemed to stop his death from ever occurring (with the supposed exception of getting shot in the head by a device he stuck together, though he wasn't totally sure he had died). It was the part of him that wasn't selfish, wasn't bent on killing neither himself nor anybody else, and tried to keep Nny from slipping into vulgar habits. That part of him was dead, gone in a flash. Sure, Johnny didn't doubt Reverend Meat's existence, though the little prick had uttered a word since his arrival back home. But he knew that any future conversations with the dead bunny just weren't possible anymore. That thought tugged a tear from the corner of the maniac's eye, which his coldness instantly tugged back.  
  
He stopped abruptly on the stairs, halfway down, and growled menacingly, "Don't. You. Dare. I won't allow myself to regress back to those habits of the past. Nailbunny is dead! Good riddance! One fucking less nagging voice I have to put up! I can't give in to the desire for conversation! Fuck loneliness!! I don't need to reminisce on the unimportant!!! Fffuck!!! I AM COLD!!! I made me who I am and I don't need this emotional plummet! So stop it already!!!" He grabbed his head, as though wracked by unbelievable pain. " Stop it!! Stop it!! STOP IT!!!"  
  
"Too late," a voice tore through his mind.  
  
Johnny turned to react to the owner's voice, possibly kill, but the other was prepared and hit him straight in the nose. He went tumbling downward, a blur of somersaults and cartwheels, until he fell back onto the late late LATE Jimmy.  
  
There rang the sound of soft giggling then the voice continued," Few things can stop you now, Nny. That is whata you called yourself the first time we met, just before you tore your blade through my soft cloth flesh, isn't it?"  
  
Johnny rubbed his swollen nose, feeling blood escape his nostrils, and looked up as the Voice came down. He stared and arose, clearly shocked, and blurted unrestrained," You?!?"  
  
"Of course me!" Shmee snorted a reply. "Who else did you expect to 'save' you?"  
  
"Save me?" Nny angrily ran a bloodstained hand against his clothing in a futile attempt to clean his skin. "You call shoving me down a flight of stairs saving me?"  
  
Shmee leapt down to Johnny's level from his lace on the stairway. "Not really, no. But I find your anger amusing. Actually at the moment, I'm more prepared to talk. How long's it been since you talked to someone like me, Johnny, hmm? I'm curios to know."  
  
I don't believe thi-NO! I see what's going on! You're just another figment! Just another illusion of the mind! Well, not created by my mind, but you are just like Nailbunny and Reverend Meat! It's all in my head. De ja vu! De ja vu!" He jumped to his feet, wailing in horror, "Well, no more, you disgusting, lying bastard! I'm onto you! You're just here to bring back the feelings; the emotions I myself have terminated from my system! Fuck you!!"  
  
Shmee shook his teddy bear head. "No, I am not here to rid you of the cold you've planted inside your black heart. No, no." He moved a small step forward, to which Johnny took a big step back. "I'm here to get rid of you entirely. Before you destroy what made you somewhat human. That feeling's buried for the time being, but I will not give you the benefit of a doubt that you won't try to kill it before it has a chance to resurface."  
  
The maniac fumed and pulled out his rat-infected knife from seemingly nowhere. "What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"Shmee?"  
  
Shmee turned, catching sight of the innocent standing at the basement door, and gasped. "shit, it's Todd. He must have followed me." He turned back to Johnny and sneered heavily, the single-toothed smile covered by a hateful glare. "I'm not about to let him turn out like you or not turn out at all, but I won't let him see like this, ready to leave you strewn out in your own guts. Not with all the shit that's been driven into his distressed mind. But dare to touch him and-"  
  
"Shmee?" Came the pitiful little voice again. He was heading down the stairs. "Please Shmee, come out." Little Squee pleaded to the missing teddy. "I don't like it here. And the Scary Neighbor Man's back, remember? What if he.?"  
  
Johnny's eyes became large to some realization. He grabbed the bear by his stuffed neck. "I see. I get it now." His demeanor became suddenly very dark. "He's the feeling, isn't he? The one I'll destroy to keep myself empty, right? Right, damn you?!?"  
  
"My, Johnny," Shmee allowed another giggle to escape his throat, "you do catch on quickly. For a sick-minded fuck."  
  
"I don't need to kill him, nor would I ever under any circumstance," Johnny replied gravely. "I may be empty but I know when to restrain my killing needs.for the most part anyhow."  
  
Shmee let out an enormous "HA!" He felt the hand grip tighter, but remained quite smug. "Oh, do you? Hee hee. It is as I said earlier, Nny. Few things can stop you now. Yourself included. Do you honestly think you have control? Any control? No, you don't. You didn't when you painted the wall, or when you tried to kill that lovely creature, or even when you've seen Todd's father at work to make his son feel microscopic, and you don't now. Let's face it. The real reason you nailed Daddy in the head with a toy was not just so that you could leave, but because you were sick of the traumatization he induced on our young friend. You know it and so do I."  
  
Johnny gaped. "How-?"  
  
"You will always be under the control and influence of one thing or another. As that vile burger boy explained, you're always a slave to something."  
  
"How do you know of that and all that other stuff?" Johnny asked quietly, his expression a curious one.  
  
Shmee answered with a hint of sarcasm, "Heh. The walls of this shack aren't exactly paper-thin. And your mindless conversations are the quietest either. I've seen nightmares quieter than you. Squee's nightmares (A/N: speaking of Squee, you're probably wondering where he is on the stairs. I mean, the staircase can't be that long.)  
  
Johnny thought a moment, playing with the knife in his hand. "So, I'm always a slave to something? Under someone or something's control? Hmm. You are wrong. Because I'm aware and very in control of what I do. Observe."  
  
The blade tore through Shmee's head and body, spreading cloth and fluff along the floor (yes. Again, he tears the poor teddy apart, but to a greater extent.) There now lay pieces scattered all over. But Johnny didn't stop. He kept going, kept slicing and stabbing and cutting, all the while screaming obscenities. "You stupid fucking bear!! I am in control! Not you! Not anyone else! Me! Me! Me! ME!" (Does this sound a tad familiar?)  
  
"Shmee?"  
  
He looked up, connecting eyes with the timid gaze of Todd Casil, standing fragile on the bottom step. Squee's mouth hung open, wanting to say or scream something, but the voice wasn't there. He gaped at his beastly neighbor in horror, then back down at Shmee. And Johnny stared right back.  
  
Johnny twisted and writhed in his mind. That child. That look. It was that look of pure, unadulterated terror, shining brightly in those giant eyes. *What have I done?* he thought, as if repeating a question just asked to him; a simple question that sounded as though the asker should've known the answer. *I've destroyed that deceptive voice. Killed the feelings I could do without, No, I can't feel pity, or regret, or sorrow again. Not now that I'm drained of the unnecessary! I can't! I can't! Not for Squee! Not for anyone.*  
  
NO. He had to keep the cold within. He had achieved what he had wanted; learned that important lesson from Mr. Samsa. Became that perfect being. Thriving only on what he needed. He had all of that now, didn't he? He was emotionless, right? Or was that disgusting animal correct in his assumption of the forgotten feeling? Too confusing.  
  
"Squee," Johnny finally managed to exhale. He held what remained of the tattered Shmee and, with all the grace of the Grim Reaper, strolled up to the boy. "It's been a while." He smiled at the frozen creature, trying his damnedest not to scare him, and held out the bear fragments., which little Squee was hesitant to take. "He's not dead, I can assure you," Nny replied coolly, getting as close to his neighbor as possible before watching the child cringe, anticipating his death with his round face nuzzled into his friend's stuffing. "You can't kill what doesn't reside in your mind. He is your voice, not mine."  
  
"He told me you were crazy."Squee whispered, clutching Shmee close. "He said.he said."  
  
Johnny fumbled with the knife, trying to keep it hidden so as not to frighten the tiny youth. However, his mindset remained the same. "The bear lies. But I, too, have fallen victim to such a threat. The doughboys spoke lies; always deceptive. So it's wrong of me to assume that any other person is suffering from constant stupidity in such situations. But I can't let this go on. I will help you the only way I can, and in doing so, free myself of you." He pulled out the weapon, brandishing the blade to see.  
  
Squee let out a righteous squeak of fear, eyes caught on the glimmering metal and the oh-so terrifying look in the Scary Neighbor Man's twitching eyes. He screamed, running between Johnny's spread legs.  
  
Johnny stood stunned. Wait. What was he doing? Did he just try to kill-?Oh shit, no. Surprise. That was returning. Somehow he had to suppress it. He had to remain cold and empty and inhuman. But in the meantime, he had to find Squee and-did Squee just run DOWN? "Squee! Wait, come back!"  
  
He turned on his heels to run after him, but slipped in an oozing puddle of what appeared to be Todd's sweat. He didn't have a chance to scream out or yelp, or stop the fall with his limbs, and smacked the back of his head straight into the edge of the bottom step of the ascending staircase. Then he felt a work of black eat him whole, unknowingly welcoming it.  
  
~~~  
  
Squee continued running down every staircase and every ladder; through every room, each scarier than the last, with horrible machines and the stink of rotting flesh. He ran and ran, never once stopping to wipe away the tears or the sweat; seeing only darkness. It took him a while to realize his mistake: he should've run upstairs to the front door. To freedom. Instead, he was in the house's darkest depths. One of the lower levels. Trapped.  
  
He was trapped in the Scary Neighbor Man's house.  
  
His very savior now on a mission to kill.  
  
And worst of all, he'd lost Shmee. 


	3. Monsters

If Only I Could Dream  
  
A/N: Alright, so that was the first chapter. Yes, I am still tired. In fact, though it's only 7:30 pm, I had less than four hours of sleep last night. At least, it's not severe insomnia. I'd totally snap. Anyhow, I hope you got the gist of chapter one, because I have no idea what I'm doing with chapter two. And yeah, I know that I may have stuck in some references to the comic, maybe more than most people would've liked, but oh well. I personally like the thought of Shmee getting mutilated at the hands of Johnny once more. Heh heh eh. And Johnny and all related character are not mine, but are the creations of Jhonen Vasquez's twisted little mind. The only thing that belongs to me is one shameful character used only because I needed someone to stick in here. He won't be in here again, I hope. Also, this chapter makes no sense, but I do have a warped sense of where this is going. Yesssssss.there is a method to my madnessssss. And please understand my typing skills are less than perfect. So 'from' may come out as 'form' I apologize for the inconvenience. And also forgive any ¼ things you find in here. They stand for '.' The computer is so fucked up. Enjoy.  
  
Chapter 2: Monsters  
  
If you kill me, you'll get caught!  
  
I admit I was an asshole. I'm sorry for everything!  
  
Isn't that, like, the number for heaven, or something?  
  
A heaven for me, and a hell for you.  
  
I was only playing.  
  
Please.  
  
Oh, God!! My mascara's running!  
  
Nny? Nny, what are you doing?  
  
Did you hear that? Pussies don't smoke.  
  
You were supposed to teach me!.I'm just like you!  
  
Are you moving away?  
  
So, are you gonna chop me up and put me in the garbage now?.  
  
Please don't chop me up.  
  
The words played over and over throughout Johnny's mind, echoing despite the fact his mind was certainly not empty. He didn't know where this was coming from, only that was there, and that as it played, he could see hundreds upon hundreds of his own disgusting murders moving like a recorded dream. This thing was like a song, a song he never knew he had known, like a memory he couldn't quite grasp.  
  
He could see the Doughboys and their own 'demise' at the hands of their master. He could see Nailbunny, and Edgar Vargas, and the convenient store man who had dared turn off the brainfreezy machine, and thus had to endure a most unpleasant bullet through his head in one of Nny's suicidal moments; and the electrocuted cheerleading squad, and all those fools at the café. He could see them all, almost every person he's ever killed and even those he hadn't; only knew. He could even see himself.  
  
That skinny foolish.thing. He still refused, even in this.dream, or whatever it was, to believe that he was anything less than the cold form he had become. He wasn't human. But that bloody creature on the floor was. The one who had himself. He was there, lying before Johnny, and he turned his head, pouring blood, that sunken eye looking horribly grotesque.  
  
He stared at Johnny, and grinned. Despite the wound, he was actually grinning and chuckling, although Nny's chuckle was more of a giggle, one of those insane giggles one thinks of when a mad scientist or a schoolgirl is mentioned. And that was how this giggle was.  
  
"Johnny," it commented humorously. Then its smile slowly faded. "You killed me, Johnny."  
  
Johnny looked around, confused. He's never really talked to himself like this. Face to face. He didn't know if that was even him. He.it, seemed a little out of place. He didn't think he could smile like that. Hm, he'd have to try it sometime, if this creature was, in fact, him. "Um, technically, I'm still alive. So you can't really be dead.unless you aren't me. And to be perfectly honest, you don't seem to be anything like me in any way other than looks. That smile for one thing is, well, sort of creepy."  
  
It shook its head. "I WAS you, Johnny. Before you went on that stupid trip to purge everything from your system. I was there before the suicide and after, when. hey, your hair grew back."  
  
Johnny smiled shyly and ran a thin hand through his black hair, quite happy that he no longer had to feel the cold of night on his shaven scalp. "Yes, it took a while, and while I'm not totally sure as to how it happened in the first place-"  
  
"I'm well aware," it replied in exasperation. "I was there when I explained the whole ordeal to that Jimmy/darkness guy or whatever. In any case.hm, where was I?"  
  
"You were me." Johnny answered politely.  
  
"Oh yes, thank you." It continued. "I was you before you left. Before you decided emotion sucked. Before you stopped caring about Squee. The only problem with that statement is you didn't stop caring, Johnny. He's always been there, deep inside you. It's as though you've lost a brother, or in some case, a son. And he's still there inside you Johnny. Waiting to be freed."  
  
"Who exactly?"  
  
"Squee! You still care about Squee!"  
  
Johnny growled. "I've heard enough of this shit from that damned bear and now I have to hear it from you. Not a good time for repetition. And just because you seem to be me, doesn't mean I will listen."  
  
It laughed slightly, reaching behind his back, blood still pouring from the hole in his forehead. He stared at Johnny darkly, its eyes burning a hole through his skinny body. "I knew you would say that. And another thing, Nny."  
  
Johnny waited curiously.  
  
A knife sliced through the air, connecting with Johnny's skull and sending him to the ground in a rush of blood and adrenaline. He felt his head crack against the ground, and a slur of red take his vision. "Ffffu."  
  
"That's right, Johnny. Fuck. Fuck it all. Fuck the world and fuck Squee to hell, right? Heh. Anyhow, hm¼damn, I had a neat witty remark for this. Fuck." the other Johnny scratched his head, leaning over his other self. "Anyway, I just thought it would be fair for you to know the pain of death as I have. No, wait. Before you black out and die, I remember what I was going to say; you'll get a real kick outta this¼no, dammit. Nevermind. I can't remember. Go ahead. Hell awaits."  
  
~~~  
  
"Psst! Johnny!"  
  
Johnny open one evil eye, soon followed by its twin and moved his head upward from his face down position. "Whuhzzzuh..fffffuuck." He pushed himself up slowly on his hands in a sort of push up, and stood, glancing around at the blackness.  
  
"Johnny."  
  
"Mr. Eff?" He could swear it was him, that frightening piece of Styrofoam that had plagued him sometime ago. He could never lose that voice from his mind; recognizing it anywhere.  
  
"No," a small voice rose up, different now, and Nny turned, finding a figure of a different sort, cuddling a once familiar stuffed toy. "It's me. Squee."  
  
"Squee.?" Johnny whispered unsure.  
  
Squee stepped forward. "You tried to kill me, Nny."  
  
Johnny raised a thin eyebrow in sudden confusion. This wasn't the Squee he had seen in the past, wrapped up in a thick blanket at night, depressed of his parents, afraid of everything else. There was no fear, no loathing, not even a small drop of sweat on his skin. He appeared to be more agitated than anything else. And he NEVER called Johnny Nny.  
  
"I must be dreaming, huh?" the thin one asked, looking around once more. "Shit, that means I'm asleep. Geez, I hate sleep. Detestable."  
  
Squee cocked his head to one side. "Afraid not. More like unconscious. And there is a difference, you know. But at least you know you're not awake. Few ever know." The dark had changed now. It had pushed back, revealing that what they stood on was a mess of floorboards, a couch near the ledge of this floor, and a TV set nearby with literal rabbit ears. Johnny realized where he was just then.  
  
He was home. "Squee, I-"  
  
"Do you know what it's been like?" He blinked as Squee spoke once more. "Do you realize what I've been through since you left? When you left me alone, to my parents, to the dark?"  
  
"Squee."Johnny persisted again.  
  
"The man at the park." the boy interrupted. "It hurt what he did to me. He didn't have to lure me away like the man you saved me from. He didn't have to. Just picked me up and carried me away into the woods. He said I had pretty hair. I was alone. Not that it matters.to you"  
  
"I had to leave," Johnny replied calmly. "I couldn't stay here and be this.this flaw in humanity."  
  
"I trusted you to stay and save me!" Squee screamed suddenly, chucking Shmee to the floor. To this, Johnny jumped, his eyes fixated on the bear, until the boy spoke again.  
  
"But you didn't. Why don't you just kill me?!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Kill me. I have nothing to offer anybody. Not my family, not Shmee, not you."  
  
"Um."  
  
"You left me behind."  
  
"But I." Johnny started, somewhat frantic to explain the situation. ".had to. I couldn't stand to be that person, who had to want, to desire such useless things. Company, belonging, control, normalcy.well, maybe not normalcy, per say. But all those stupid emotions clogging up my arteries and shutting off my brain and making me that imperfection. Well now, I am Mr. Samsa, if not a more intelligent version of his personality. Except I can laugh. And I like brainfreezies."  
  
"Besides," Johnny went on, staring at one of his boots and calming down at the same time. " You're not Squee, are you?"  
  
Squee stared at him indignantly., then slowly allowed a grin to consume his features. He laughed softly, a fire blazing through his eyes. "You are smarter than you look. Or act for that matter."  
  
Johnny's eyes narrowed and he looked down upon...whatever it was since it was obviously not little Squee. " So if you're not Squee, who are you? Are you just another voice come to drive me into the further recesses of insanity, or maybe, you aren't even mine. But then that's stupid. You want Squee dead. Shmee doesn't." He nodded his head towards Squee's bear, lying face down on the splintered wood of the floor. "I noticed the way you cast him aside. Squee would NEVER do that. Shmee is apart of him much to my complete disappointment. And that is something they both would know. Therefore, you can't be Shmee, and you're definitely not Squee."  
  
That was when "Squee' began to change. His colorful fear-filled eyes became consumed by hate and lust for murder. His form grew to a tall skinny size, covered in black, and towering over its former self. It grinned (or at least that's what Johnny assumed it was doing) like a vengeful circus clown and hissed through its teeth, " Johnny C. Well you've found me out, haven't you."  
  
Johnny blinked. It was him. A far more creepier, devious version of himself. Johnny glared at it, his expression derived of fear and shock, as was so like the old Johnny. "What the fuck are you?"  
  
"Why, Johnny," his mirror image said, "I am you. Don't you recognize me?"  
  
"No. No I can't say I do," Johnny answered. "Now, if you'll kindly dissipate into nothing, and let me wake, there's a small boy trapped in the basement and I must find him."  
  
"You wish to leave?" the other Johnny asked as if offended. "But you just got here. Don't you want to know who I am?"  
  
Johnny raised a thin eyebrow. "Um, " he uttered, crossing his arms. "Aren't you me? That's what you said. Though I'm not exactly sure what the hell is happening or why I'm having such dream- er- nightmare, or whatever- , let alone how the hell you can be me when I've already talked to me. Granted, he had a massive bullet hole in his forehead, but-"  
  
The other interrupted, calmly enough, but Johnny could see him repress the impatience that was haunting him. "Allow me to explain, Nny. You see, there are three parts to your mind, at least that you can remember of. One is the old you. The keeper of Nailbunny and all these wonderful, disgusting brainlies you call emotions. The dead one. You became a different person after you died, or dreamed you went to heaven. The next is you, the one who changed. You're the one who wants to escape the emotions. Like the old Johnny, you possess little, if any, control over what you do and anything that happens in your life."  
  
Johnny glanced at the floor. "Damn, that's kind of depressing. I mean, to know that you're unchanged in some ways when you wanted to be totally different." He looked back up, that one eyebrow still raised. "So, who're you exactly?"  
  
"I'm the new you," the other Johnny grinned, revealing a row of familiar teeth. "I'm the cold Johnny; the one that will be once you kill Squee, of course."  
  
Johnny was taken aback "Kill Squee?!? I would never ever! I'm the only person that boy can trust; not like that stupid bear.damn I hate that bear."  
  
"You can't control me," his twin countered maliciously. "You've already tried to harm him, thanks to me. Here's the thing. I resurface, Squee dies, and then you will be consumed. Goodbye Johnny. This way to reality."  
  
~~~  
  
"So, what the hell were you thinking again?" Devi growled, turning back to Tenna as they sat in her apartment.  
  
Tenna smiled , clutching Spooky close to her chest. She blinked innocently, or as innocently as she could pull off, and answered, "I was thinking ' here's a sweet guy who likes your photo and he's cute' and you need to get out."  
  
Devi put a hand to her hand in frustration. "Okay, I'm going to forget about the fact that you showed a complete stranger my photo because I'm still getting over how you could possibly set me up on a date with that complete stranger when you already to a great extent, my horrible luck in dating people! Tenna!!!"  
  
Tenna frowned and held up the toy. "It's Spooky's fault."  
  
Devi growled again, rubbing the back of her head. A headache had worked its way into her brain, as usual when Tenna managed to piss her off with her never-ending hijinx. Then, a knocking came from her door. She turned her head, small fear rising in her eyes. She still hadn't gotten over dating thing, especially after dating Nny..it had gotten better. She went out much more, still disliked people, still disliked dating. Nothing new. But the thought lingered. What if he returned to finish the job?  
  
"Helloooooo?" Tenna's voice snapped her back into reality. "Are you going to answer the door? It's your date, y' know?"  
  
Devi glared at her. "I blame you, Tenna," she whispered, and headed towards the door. Tenna didn't seem to notice the negativity spilling out into the room and smiled again.  
  
"I'll be here to get all the juicy details when you get back!" she sang.  
  
Somewhere, in the back of Devi's mind, she wanted to vomit. She opened the door, coming face to face with..a teenage boy? She swallowed, looked back at Tenna, who waved, and then back at the stranger. "Hello?" she managed to say without sounding too rude.  
  
"Hey," the stranger said. He blinked eyes that looked as if the pupils were merely just psycho swirls, and tousled his black hair that stuck out every which way, with three horizontally shaved lines around the bottom of his scalp. His clothing, to add to the picture, was black, gray, cut-off, and weird. He stuck out a gloved hand (the sort of glove with the fingers cut off) which Devi took reluctantly, and smiled ridiculously. "Name's Jaeyzon. Don't know yours though. Tenna didn't tell me that. All she said was that you needed a date. " He licked the palm of his glove and ran it through one particular spike that hung down in front of his face. "So here I am. You look way hotter than you do in your photo."  
  
Devi groaned. "Gee thanks." So he was one of THOSE guys. The kind that acted like he was God's gift to women, or men, or seemingly whatever walked on two legs. She forced a smile and replied, "Well, I don't know how much Tenna told you but." she had her hand set to slam the door. ".I'm agoraphobic and .and.a lesbian!" She hated saying that, but there was no choice. He had to leave. And with that, she promptly slammed the door.just as he stepped in the doorway.  
  
"Wait!" he rasped, caught between the door and its frame. " Tenna told me you'd say that! Please! Gimme a chance! Pleeeeeaaaaaaasssse!!! Nobody likes me and I have no place to go!!!" he wailed and hollered, and Devi turned to glare at Tenna.  
  
It was a glare that sent a message.  
  
'I'm going to kill you.'  
  
~~~  
  
"Um, so what's your name again?" Jaeyzon asked as they sat in Devi's car. Apparently, young Jaeyzon wasn't skilled in driving- no license. That made Devi wonder just a little more how old he really was. When she asked, he answered simply, 'old enough.'  
  
They were supposed to be going to dinner, then to a movie to see something or other that sounded stupid enough, but Jaeyzon insisted that it would be a classic. She shuddered. This would be like every other date-stupid, lame, and terrifying. Why, God? Why?  
  
"Devi," she answered , turning left (Ah, such insignificant detail!). "Forgive my manners. I hate people."  
  
Jaeyzon laughed. " Yeah, so do Iaaaii- Wait!!!" he said this so suddenly that Devi hit the brake and the car screeched to a halt in the middle of the street, surprisingly and coincidentally empty. Both bodies lurched forward, restrained somewhat by the seatbelts, then flew back into their seats, one more confused than the other.  
  
"What?!" Devi gasped. "What's wrong?!"  
  
"You're Devi? THE Devi?!?" Jaeyzon's eyes became as large as saucers, and his would-be date could see now that his eyes really were just tiny psycho swirls. Kind of frightening in a way, but she ignored it for the moment. "Devi D.??"  
  
Devi groaned and slammed her head into the steering wheel, not expecting any airbag to pop out anyway. "You stopped me for that? There could've been a -a car or a semi behind- We could've been killed or at least hospitalized, and did you forget about the car?!? I don't have the money to get this car fixed- and how did you know that exactly?"  
  
"You're Devi D.! Johnny's Devi D.!!" Jaeyzon giggled insanely, but then a look of complete nervousness struck him. He gulped and pushed himself as far over to the side of the car as the seatbelt would allow him. "Whoa, I heard you were nuts.you're not gonna throw me into a mirror, are you?"  
  
"Johnny?" Devi grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him close. "You know Johnny C.? How? How could you possibly know that monster?!?"  
  
Jaeyzon pushed her away and fixed his attire back to his liking. He tossled his hair a little and finally answered calmly, "Chill out babe. He was in my friend's sleep program over at the crazy house; she don't sleep too good. Too many nightmares, but anyway, she had discussions with him on occasion and she said he can be really nice if you just ask the right questions. Seems he still hung up on you, or at least he was last time he showed up. That was a month or two ago.hmmm."  
  
Devi was full of absolute fear, so much in fact that a small puddle of sweat and soaked into the uncomfortable cushioning of the seat and her nails drew blood as she they ripped into the palms of her hands form the fists. "He-he's not th-there any-more?" Didn't they know he was crazy, shouldn't they have kept him there.away from society and .her??  
  
"Oh yeah," Jaeyzon answered, staring nervously out the window. This one looked like she would snap any minute. "Like my friend said, he stopped showing up a month or two ago. The doc said he was going to be very busy and that he enjoyed his time there. But he told my friend that he couldn't stand feeling anymore. There was you and then something else, I'm not sure what, but he just plowed right outta there after that. Every now and then she saw him, visiting this one patient, I think it was a kid¼anywho, nice guy. Too skinny though."  
  
"Nice guy? Nice guy?!" Devi shrieked. "He's fucking crazy! He's a psychotic maniac! He tried to fucking kill me!! He kills people and he's insane like something that's all insane and he's just.insane! What's wrong with you?!!!"  
  
He stayed silent for a minute, staring, just staring, as if he were a child that couldn't quite grasp the fact that he had done something wrong. He was a stupid child. Yes, that must be it. He and his little crazy friend were stupid children. It was awkward. So very fucking awkward.  
  
"So," he finally broke the silence as she sat blinking in confusion and shock. "Are we gonna eat 'cuz it's a school night and I have homework to not do."  
  
~~~  
  
*What's going on? Where-? Damn my head hurts! Shit. Everything's all blurry.smudged together like a painting.a beautiful, ugly.ugly.painting.Squee! Oh fuck! I have to find Squee! I have to help him.."  
  
Johnny sat up, using his arms for support. He gripped the back of his head, feeling warm blood ooze out from the wound from where he'd struck his head. "Oh shit." Pain sank in all around. The air reeked of it, perhaps just his own, or maybe it was Squee's fear. God knew the kid was consumed by his own fear, anyone could see, in his eyes, on his face, the way he moved.  
  
He stared suddenly, something catching his eye near the door leading down, to the underground rooms. He managed to stand, walking unsteadily over to what lay on the floor, and upon reaching it, wrapped thin fingers around it to pick it up.  
  
Shmee. In Squee's fearful little run away from Johnny and his knife- wielding, that devil toy and snapped back from his grip, caught on a nail in the doorframe. Squee must not have noticed- too afraid to. Probably still had some fluff in his hand  
  
Johnny growled. "He could be anywhere down there. In anyone of those rooms.no one to help him." A disturbed smile threatened to fall upon his sickly face, but he restrained it, and grimaced shamefully. Was that the cold Johnny doing that? The one he had wanted (and possibly still wanted) to be? "No. That was just a dream. A really, really stupid dream. I hate dreaming."  
  
Oh well, that didn't matter now. What mattered was Squee. And he would find him. No matter what. Mission acknowledged, he began heading down the stairs to search, with Shmee's leftover, and the knife absent-mindedly shaking in his quivering hand.  
  
He wouldn't be searching long.  
  
***  
  
Oh God.  
  
A small form sat in the darkness, in a sort of room, with horrifying pictures lacing its walls, and a machine. The very same that had held Edgar Vargas in its grip and tore him to pieces. Dried blood still stained the floor, and somewhere in his mind, Squee could swear he was hearing voices.  
  
The voices were screaming.  
  
Please don't! I didn't mean too. It was just a joke!! The rats!  
  
It was frightening. So much in fact, that he realized he'd never been so scared in his entire life. Being trapped in a murderer's basement, with your only friend lost somewhere along the way, surrounded by the stench of death and fear and pain. So much torment had gone on in this one room; he couldn't begin to fathom the other rooms, the ones he hadn't journeyed through.  
  
And in all this, he could even sense another sort of torment. Not that of physical pain, but of psychological trauma. It was Johnny's. Squee knew it. He could smell it; the pain had its own distinct odor when it fell on Johnny. So distinct in its own way, Squee knew it better than the smell of his parents' growing hatred for their only son. It was that smell that still lingered in his room in his room since the very day that Johnny had first broken into his house.  
  
That smell became stronger and more vomit-drawing as Johnny began visiting him in the crazy house, but Squee had gotten used to it, and gotten used to him. Despite Shmee's constant warnings, he'd become strangely attached to the homicidal psychopath.  
  
He didn't know how long he sat there, missing Shmee, and fearing for his life, before the sound of footsteps echoed in his ears. The familiar sound of boots against the rotting floorboards.  
  
"Squee." a gentle voice cooed.  
  
Squee froze, feeling his body become as stiff as a board. He inhaled quickly, daring not to breath. So close¼too close. The footsteps were coming closer. He clamped his hands over his mouth, struggling to keep his breath form escaping, feeling Johnny's dark presence dangerously near. Closer, closer, CLOSER!  
  
He could feel it, looming over him; could see it, grinning evilly in the darkness that held them and closed his eyes tightly, awaiting the inevitable blow. Instead, a thin, frail hand, fell upon his tiny should, and a soft, plushy item was pushed into his lap.  
  
"I won't hurt you, Squee."  
  
The boy opened his eyes, ever so slightly, staring into the "innocent" eyes of Johnny, who was now crouching in front of him. In his own lap, Squee found the remains of the tiny bear Shmee and pulled it to his equally sized body. He looked back up at Johnny and sniffled. "You.you."  
  
Johnny sighed apologetically. "I'm sorry. I don't want to kill you. I could never do such a thing." He stood up and surveyed the room. "It's just, my mind's a little more out of place than usual is all, and I'm having a hard time controlling myself. I'm just trying to get it under control. I bet Shmee could explain it better than I ever could." His eyes locked back with Squee's and he smiled.  
  
Squee nodded, and smiled back, however small. The neighbor man wasn't, couldn't be, all that bad. He did apologize after all, and he said he wouldn't kill him. That was a good thing, yes, very good. No death for Squee.  
  
Slowly, before Todd's very eyes, Johnny's eyes began to change. If there were ever a color darker than the deepest black, then it was the very color that lay in Johnny's eyes now. Johnny allowed a devilish smile to creep across his face like a snake, and placed his hand behind his back, as though reaching for something.  
  
"Enough with the pitiful chit chat. Time for that is over," Johnny replied, whipping out the knife. "You have run your farthest and I cannot allow you to go on any longer. You end here, little Squee."  
  
Squee squealed in panic as Johnny lunged at him full force, tearing the skin of Squee's check lightly. The little boy dove in another direction, skidding across the thick paint of dried blood, and slamming into the wall opposite his attacker, who had in an attempt to stab, rushed shrieking into the plaster.  
  
What was going on? He had just been so nice.what went wrong? Squee shook his head, gripping Shmee in his small grip, watching Johnny stand up, wobbly and shaken, the knife still in his hand.  
  
"You little.insignificant.shit," the man muttered, facing him, he held the blade up in the air, grinning with a trickle of blood tracing a line down his jaw from his collision with the wall. "Sit still and let me do your parents a favor."  
  
A/N: Oh God, I'm so incoherent. 


	4. Narrative Of Soul Against Soul

If Only I could Dream  
  
A/N: Ooh, Chapter 3. 9:13 pm and I'm still going strong. So what did you think? Shit? Its shit isn't it? Yes shit. Oh well, that won't stop me from writing since I have no social life and I dislike being around people. The last chapter took forever for me to get right, I couldn't think of a title, and it was long. Longer than I wanted it to be. I intended to get certain events in there, but due to the incessant rambling's of my mind, there was prevention in my doing so.anyway, Devi is in here for a reason, non- romantically. And yes, I am going to have that Jaeyzon kid pop up again sometime, maybe in this chapter maybe not. But you'll be happy to know that he plays no real big role in this story. He's just there to move the plot in small meaningless ways. And to eat your delicious candy-coated guts!!! So if he's there, run. RUN, damn you! Whoooo, I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I have a really bad headache.  
  
Johnny and all related characters still belong to JCV. Nothing has changed.  
  
Chapter 3: Narrative of Soul Against Soul  
  
Squee backed against the wall, hearing Shmee's persistent whispering, but couldn't make out exactly what he was saying. All the child knew was that he was about to be ripped apart and there was nothing he could do about it. This was it. The moment his parents had been waiting for since he was born, and Johnny would be the one to save them from the hassle of raising him further. HA. As if they ever did.  
  
The knife fell to the floor, blade sticking straight into the wood. Johnny fell to his knees, gripping his head in seemingly horrible agony. He screamed out, looking up into Squee's enormous fear-filled eyes and extended a hand towards him. "Go! You have to leave, now!! I can't hold him back forever!" He watched Squee remain motionless, confused by what was happening, and screamed at him again. "Go, dammit! You have to or I'll kill you! Do you understand?!?"  
  
Squee gaped. What was he doing..? He took a step towards the maniac, unsure and unaware of what he was doing exactly, but another shriek from Johnny forced him back. "Wha..?" he murmured, too scared to do anything more.  
  
"GO!"  
  
"Do as he says, Todd." he looked down at Shmee, still in a horrifying awe, but finally realizing what he had to do. He raced towards the doorway, listening as carefully as he could to Shmee's instructions on the way out.  
  
"Take a left here," The bear directed, remembering clearly the path Johnny had taken to get to Squee. How he'd found him, he didn't know, and didn't care at the moment. He just had to get the kid to safety. "Another left here, and a right up ahead."  
  
"AAAARRRGGHH!!!" Johnny flung himself into the side of the machine, proceeding to slam his head into the wall just next to it. "I don't want to hurt him! No killing!! Get out of my head! Get the fuck out of my head!!" He felt blood still rushing down the back of his head, and now from his lip and various other places. He gritted his teeth, inwardly knowing that abusing himself in such a way would not make things better, but he couldn't stop and he couldn't let the pain go.  
  
"Fuck! Get the hell away from me!!"  
  
~~~  
  
"Fifteen, Tenna. Five-fucking-teen!" Devi slammed the door of her quaint apartment as Tenna looked at her from her position on the couch. "Where in your reality did that seem okay? Hm?" She grabbed the collar of Tenna's shirt and growled," I had to get the little punk home before nine so he could make sure he had all the answers to a test memorized off a cheat sheet he paid ten bucks for!"  
  
"So," Tenna smiled sweetly, "I take it the date went as usual, huh?" A glare from her friend did nothing to wipe the smile off of her face as she fiddled with Spooky.  
  
Devi sighed. "It wouldn't have been the worst date if he hadn't mentioned a certain homicidal psychopath-"  
  
"Johnny?!!?"  
  
"Yeah," she sighed again, leaning up against a wall and burying her face in the palm of her hand. "Apparently , Mr. I-lie-about-my-age-to-all-the- unfortunate-women-Jaeyzon has a friend who was in the same sleep-study program as Johnny," her voice shook with the expelling of his name from her throat, yet she continued, trying to appear unscathed by this. "He said that when Nny left, he was still 'hung up' on me. The scary thing is, I could swear that I just saw him..three days ago. Just outside my apartment. I've tried to mark it off as just my imagination, but what if it was him? What if he wants to kill me still?" Her eyes became wide with fear, similar to Squee's.  
  
Tenna glanced around the room, then place her attention back to Devi. There was along pause; Tenna was trying to figure the best way of saying what she would eventually say next, shrugged and blurted out," I think you need to get out."  
  
Devi's mouth dropped. "Get out? You want me to go out?! Out there? Are you completely dense? Did I not just explain the situation to you, Tenna, did I not-" she stopped dead, and slammed the back of her head against the wall. "It's pointless trying. You're right. I just have to forget about this."  
  
She reached for her jacket, which she had thrown on the floor upon reentering her small home and turned for the door. "C'mon," she urged sullenly without turning to face Tenna.  
  
Tenna stared. "Where are we going?" Devi didn't answer, and really Tenna didn't care. Just grateful that she didn't have to be the one to drag her friend out; she'd done it on her own. Just to get up and moving without the 'complete' worry of that Johnny was thrilling. She leapt up off the couch and soared out the door after her friend with Spooky raised in the air.  
  
She came into step next to Devi, and the two trailed down the hallway. Tonight would be carefree, Devi decided, the elevator door welcoming them into its mouth. *No dating, no trauma* she smiled for the first real time in months. *And best of all, No Johnny.*  
  
~~~  
  
"Welcome back," a voice floated across the room.  
  
Johnny remained still; sitting on the couch, fingers intertwined as he stared menacingly at the blank TV, deep in thought. "Shut up," he hissed quietly. "Just shut up."  
  
"Notice how I said 'welcome back'." the voice's owner murmured, "Not 'hi, I've never seen you before,' or 'hello, you may call me Reverend Meat. What is your name?' Know why?" Johnny remained silent. "Because you haven't changed!" It laughed shrilly, sending a quiver throughout Johnny's body.  
  
"Your search for cold was in vain, was it not, Nny?" Meat cackled. "You still feel; still give in to human emotions and urges. As I suspected. You should've seen the little twit run out screaming with that stupid bear of his. How can you possibly have feeling for that?" It snickered, knowing well and good that despite Johnny's seemingly calm exterior, its words were chewing away at his insides, knowing at the walls of his stomach that knew they were true. "Could it be that he reminds you of yourself at some point of innocence you may have once had? Perhaps he could be just like you?"  
  
No sooner did the words drift from Meat's motionless lips did Johnny jump from his position on the couch and struck the inanimate figure hard, sending it to the floor with a loud thunk. The strike alone drew blood from his knuckles, yet he did not seem to know or care. Dry heaves of his chest rose up against his shirt , feeding his lungs, and preparing for the screams that would come.  
  
"Don't you dare compare him to me! He's everything I'm not! He's what makes this world innocent; able to feel! I am the evil, the insanity, the plague on all! Squee is the only one that hasn't been corrupted by the truly revolting aspects of this reality enough to destroy what makes him good, and I won't let him be subject to it!! I won't let him turn out like me!!! So fuck your theories, Meat!!" Johnny shrieked and fumed , laying waste on what ailed his mind. He pointed accusingly at the porcelain form lying on the floor, chipped and cracked from the harsh blow. "It's you, isn't it?!? The evil that's been serving my mind these disgusting thoughts of killing Squee! I know its you and I'm not listening! I refuse to succumb to your madness!!"  
  
Meat laughed again, sending Johnny's anger to a higher level. "My madness? Still humor in that empty head of yours, but no. I can't say that I'm the one enlisted to drive you into hysterics over killing a child, funny as it would be. That is your own mind's doing. You're so much sicker than before. What your mind's telling you is: if you kill Squee, you will be the cold person you have longed to be all this time. It will have won, Nny."  
  
"Then it's true," Johnny turned his back to the burger boy, hunched over with his fingers laced together behind him. "I still have no control. All the progress I thought I had made. No emotion.well, no useless emotion.God, now I'm three in one. Like those nutcases at the crazy house next to Squee's room. I don't even have control over my own emotions anymore! I could've killed Squee. Shit! I'm a slave to myself!"  
  
"Weeeellll," Reverend Meat squealed gleefully. "Once you kill Squee, then you'll be cold and emotionless, which is exactly what you wanted. Then you can kill anyone without thought or care; do anything with ought remorse. Now that's nifty!" Its expression fell when it noticed that Johnny was pulling on his coat and the once abandoned backpack that he'd left behind, filled with God knows what. "Hey, where're you going? You're not going on another search for cold again, are you?"  
  
Johnny turned his head slightly as he reached for the doorknob. "I'm already cold." The door closed softly behind, its hinges squeaking their pleasant tune, behind him as he left; a fall wind blowing with him and he walked down the street aimlessly.  
  
~~~  
  
"Soooo." Tenna tapped her fingers anxiously on the edge of the table. She sat across from at the small Eat Or Die Chinese restaurant, where she had forced her friend. "What's new? Are you doing okay?"  
  
Devi sighed, rubbing her temples. "Am I ever? Ugh, there's so much shit going on and that Jaeyzon thing didn't help. Especially when he brought up that psycho Johnny. It's like every time I manage to finally push him out of my mind, he finds a way back in again!" She took a sip of the lemon- water she had ordered and continued, "I just know he's gonna pop up soon."  
  
"Look" Tenna fiddled with a fork. "I got really bored when you were talking, so I thought up my own perspective on the situation. You made him happy, which is probably something he doesn't feel often, like it comes to him in small doses and the moment's probably torn to shit right after that. You made him completely happy, Devi. You gave him too big a dose of something he's not used to, and instead of exploding, he just tried to kill you to avoid ruining the moment. And he did apologize after all."  
  
Glare. Burning , hate-filled, resentful glare. Tenna cowered, dropping the fork in a quick exchange for Spooky. "He tried to kill me and you think that's a forgive and forget situation?! Maybe you should date Johnny.."  
  
"No, that's-"  
  
"You're both psychotic."  
  
"Devi-no-"  
  
I don't understand either of your motives."  
  
"C'mon, it was a-"  
  
"And you both deserve to be locked away, granted for entirely different reasons, but-"  
  
"Devi," Tenna smiled, less enthusiastic than usual. "As sweet as he sounds, I just don't' like the thought of dying so early in life. Do you Spooky? No you don't."  
  
It was Devi's turn to smile. "Thank you. At least we agree on something," she picked up her menu. "now what're you getting?"  
  
Tenna didn't answer. Devi looked up from the menu to find her sitting there with her obnoxious mouth hanging open, and her eyes so wide, she could swear they were going to pop out and roll onto the floor for someone to step on.  
  
"Tenna?"  
  
"Hey, Devi.?" Tenna managed to speak. "What did you say that Johnny looked like? I know you've told me before, but the image escapes me at the moment."  
  
Devi stared awkwardly. "Um, she began, confusion on her face like ants on a dead cat that a crazy lady throws at people for going to close to her house (Ooh, I hate cats!!!). "Well, he's tall and extremely thin, like a piece of angel hair spaghetti; wild short black hair, and really, really neat boots. Damn those were cool boots. I think that was the only good part about him. Those boots.." She raised a thin eyebrow. "Why?"  
  
"Because I think he's talking to the guy at the register!!" Tenna pointed, at the same time ducking into her seat to avoid being seen.  
  
Devi froze. Johnny? Here? NO! No, no, no, no, no, no!! It couldn't be him, not now that she had finally had come out of hiding willingly! Left to 'enjoy' society again for the first time in.in.forever! It just couldn't be. NO!!!  
  
"Devi." Tenna whimpered.  
  
She turned slowly in her seat, sweat dripping warmly down her flushed cheeks. It took all of her willpower to hold in a very forceful scream.  
  
"May I use your bathroom? I hate public restrooms, so filthy with their trail of human waste on every tile, but I really need to go, and I'm not about to go in the bushes outside," the thin creature leaned closer to the oriental man and whispered slowly, "I think that Chihuahua's back, following me again. I won't subject myself to that beast's eyes!!" In his hand was a brainfreezy, cherry doom to be slightly over-descriptive, and fresh bloodstains marking his sickly looking skin. If only that 24/7 asshole hadn't been so rude, he wouldn't have had to kill him, but these things do happen.  
  
The man at the register nodded and pointed to where the bathroom was located, and, much to Devi's relief, never once faltered, raised an eyebrow, and/or commented on Johnny's appearance, which she knew would quickly lead to his bloody, gory demise. He only went back to making sure that the fortune cookies were in place and that each one held a surprisingly cheesy fortune.  
  
Johnny thanked him and placed his headphones back over his ears, slurping his brainfreezy, then sauntered off. Had he looked over just a bit to his left, he would've seen the two women immediately. But he didn't too focused on the pain in his bladder to notice.  
  
The two ducked down somewhat, enough to remain inconspicuous to him, but not so much that they would draw attention. Tenna grinned nervously, squeezing Spooky to calm her nerves, and whispered through a clenched smile, "Calm down. Don't look up or he'll kill you." She squeezed Spooky again, and Johnny turned his head as he passed her, that noise surpassing the volume of his music.  
  
Tenna froze, pulling her small toy up to her chest, that same big, nervous smile still on her face. *Oh God, don't let him kill me! He can have Devi if he really wants her. C'mon, take Devi. Take the bait you know you want.* she thought. Johnny continued walking, slightly confused but he shrugged it away. He REALLY had to pee.  
  
"Okay, I think he's gone for now. At least until he's done."  
  
Devi raised her head slightly, her attention on the skinny man walking away. "See?! See?!? What did I tell you? I try to forget and he comes back in! I swear, it's like he's stalking me or something!" She curled into a small mass in her seat, paranoid not being a strong enough word to describe her state of mind at that moment.  
  
"Don't worry, Dev. He probably doesn't even remember you. Crazy people are like that," Tenna explained. "He's probably forgotten all about you."  
  
Johnny stopped dead. He knew.he KNEW that smell. That distinct fragrance of perfume.It had been a while, but he'd recognize it anywhere.When he'd tried to hold her in the movie theater, so stupid and so clumsy, she rested her head on his shoulder. He inhaled, the sweet scent gracing his nostrils, creating another memory.  
  
It was here now.  
  
*No, no it couldn't be* He thought to himself, trying to block the smell out to halt another painful memory. *Anybody could have that same perfume. That same wonderful odor.Oh God, I don't want to remember, I don't! It's her! I know it's her!!*  
  
Devi.  
  
He turned around, shocked, seeing her beautiful face again for the first time in forever, and uttered, louder than he meant for it, "Devi?"  
  
Devi paled very, very quickly. He wasn't supposed to turn around. He was supposed to be in the bathroom, pissing, while she and Tenna made their silent, quick getaway. So she wouldn't be subjected to this shit again. But he didn't. He was there now, staring at her with those wonderful eyes. The same eyes she had seen when she first met him, but in a small way, different. They pierced through her now, like a knife. Like the knives he used against her. The ones that almost took her life. She wanted to scream for a second time that night, but her voice wouldn't allow itself to escape her lips.  
  
"Devi," Johnny breathed again. Oh, Devi D. The one who got away. He took a step towards where she sat, still she remained somewhat motionless, gaping in-fear? Was it fear? Yes, she was still afraid of him. Bu she didn't have to be. They could be together again, hold each other, like they had done that night. How he wanted to caress her pale cheeks, hold her, tell her that everything would be okay. Tell her he wasn't as sick as he used to be. That he was better now.  
  
*Kill her, Johnny.*  
  
But that would be a lie.  
  
He slipped his knife out by the handle from a concealed hole in his pack. He had designed it specifically for a moment like this, where the victim never saw it coming and had no chance for escape. His hand quivered. He would finish what he had started with her. She was going to die, and somewhere in her beautiful, wonderful eyes, she knew it.  
  
He suddenly stopped, forcing himself to release the knife back into his backpack. No, he didn't want to do this. He didn't want to hurt her, to destroy her like this. He didn't want to hurt his angel, the only one who had made him feel truly special and happy. How could he have let his own madness destroy that.? *I don't want to do any more damage to her life.I don't want to hurt her!* "I-I can't." he whispered.  
  
*Go, Johnny* that thought arose again, piercing his mind with devilish images of hate and murder and blood. That Devi's head resting in his lap in his home, her useless, unmoving body motionless on the floor, accompanied by the lost memories of a living, breathing Squee.  
  
*I can't! I don't want to hurt them!!* But this scream was swallowed whole and Johnny was lost in his own horrible images. He gripped the knife again, steadily, waiting. Always waiting, he knew, for the right moment.  
  
*Go on, Johnny . Do it. Practice makes perfect and once you've perfected killing that stupid bitch, we can move onto to Squee.*  
  
"Yessss," Johnny whispered, raising the knife quickly. Tenna turned and in an instant, blocked him from his path. She glared angrily at him, which was the first time Devi had ever in her life seen her friend that agitated, and chucked a spoon at his forehead. It smacked him straight on, but did little more than anger him further.  
  
"Oh shit." Tenna's voice dove off into a whisper. She glanced down at Spooky resting in the palm of her hand. "I honestly thought it would work." She told the toy, then stared back up at Johnny. "It was supposed to go flying into your eye, forcing cycloptocism upon you. Damn, that's not fair."  
  
Cycloptocism.? Devi groaned. That wasn't even a word.Yes, Tenna had guts for confronting that stupid fuck, but come on! She inhaled quickly and warned with a scream, "Tenna, don't go near him! He's a nutcase! A giant fucking nutcase!!"  
  
Tenna sighed and sat back down, turning to her menu. "Backfires. Always with backfires. Oh well. No sense dying on an empty stomach. Hm, I thinking something on an egg roll tonight. What about you Devi?"  
  
Both Johnny and Devi stared at Tenna as if she weren't even human, God willing, She didn't seem to notice, but instead went on with looking at the menu, almost as if the incident with Johnny weren't even taking place. They continued staring, as she raced off again into her own little world as usual, until it became apparent that she would do no further damage, and the attacker had grown passed the point of impatient.  
  
"Enough with this! I'm going to finish what should've ended a long time ago!" Johnny shrieked, raising his knife at Devi, and rushing full force at her.  
  
"Oh shit!!" Devi shrieked, dodging the oncoming blade, sending Johnny stabbing into the seat cushion where she had sat only moments ago. She rolled onto her side, jerking her head up quick enough to see Johnny rip his blade from the seat and glare at her with such destructive contempt, she was forced to tear away her gaze away. He growled deep in his throat, his stinging, throbbing need to urinate forgotten, and ran at Devi once more.  
  
Devi opened her mouth to scream again, but forced it down, her throat already growing sore. Screaming wasn't going to save her from someone like Johnny in any case, and all she could do to save herself was force her legs into action and run for the door.  
  
Johnny found himself unable to turn as quickly as he was going when she leapt up, and skidded into a nearby waiter, thrusting his knife into the poor man's gut. He found himself soon soaked into blood and pinned by a dying man's body. Gasping, he squirmed feeling the weight crush his leg into a most uncomfortable position and turned his head to see Devi racing out the door of the restaurant. Thrashing his knife about, driving it several more times into the waiter's soon-to-be corpse, he managed to squirm away from his accidental, yet fulfilling, victim, lubricated by blood alone.  
  
"Dammit!" he squealed, finally making it out from under the dead man's weight. All around him now, he could hear screaming, see the flailing of arms and people running around in various direction like chickens with their heads cut off. Part of him wanted to just kill them all for their ignorance and stupidity, to let Devi run away. But he couldn't do that. Not even if he'd wanted too. That terrible thought of Devi's cold, lifeless form still remained trapped in his head, almost as if he were the victim of his own putrid thoughts. The other part forced his legs to move, to follow Devi so that she could not escape, never again. Never again would she torment his mind of something he could never have.  
  
He had to catch her, had to kill her. Had to make her bleed and scream and die. He wasn't able to stop himself anymore. With these thoughts pumping him full of adrenaline medication, he screeched, charging after her. The blood soaking his clothes would slow him up a bit, and getting passed the screaming fools who had seen him so brutally kill wouldn't be easy, but that didn't matter now. One way or another, he would find her.  
  
She would not get away. 


	5. Giving In

A/N: First off, I don't like this chapter. Secondly, I apologize on how long it took to get this chapter up. Writer's block. Dreadful thing, you get? Also, next chapter will be the chapter that I dedicate to my wonderful reviewers who did not flame me and beat me to a pulp (do you really want me to dedicate a shit-acular chapter to you guys? The next one will be better. I promise THIS time. ;) ). Anyhoo, I apologize for the really shitty chapter that I forced every lasts one of you to read. That's right; I forced you and threatened to shoot you...with mind bullets! That's telekinesis, Kyle (Tenacious D fan). So here you go. Sequel to the previous shitty chapter. Yet another installment of the terrifying chapters.  
  
Disclaimer: Why God?!? Why?! Why is it always Jhonen you pick to have such fucking creativity?! Why?! Damn you Jhonen! Damn you! (That's disgruntled artist talk meaning everything belongs to Jhonen for those of you who don't speak the language.)  
  
~  
  
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Chapter 4: Giving In  
  
~~~  
  
He sat there, in the dark, thinking, crying, wondering, questioning, and slur of other things as well. He cried for what had happened, for how alone he felt, for his mortality; he cried for his parents, for his life, for himself, but mostly for Johnny. Johnny, who had gone so awry in a matter of seconds that he became so unrecognizable, even his very soul had been altered. And for what? It was something he could not answer.  
  
It was something that hurt.  
  
Squee sniffled, retreating underneath the covers with Shmee in his arms. He never felt truly alone, and so the embarrassment of such tears tore at him. He curled up into a tiny mass, wheezing, and finally, with his sentences broken from the crying, spoke.  
  
"I did something bad, didn't I, Shmee?"  
  
Shmee sighed. All the shit that boy had to deal, all the times that freak had saved him, well without knowing it, and he had done this. He had forced the blame down on this tiny child's shoulder, granted, he was not aware of such a thing, but that was not the point. The guilt that rested within Squee now was eating him from the inside, when clearly he was not the one at fault. Shmee felt a burning rage ignite within his teddy bear stuffing guts, and managed to contain his growl.  
  
It had only happened two hours ago. The time was 2 am now, and there was no sign of any rest for the poor child. Damn that fucker. Damn him to fucking hell. Shmee had managed since the time he was received to do his best to keep the boy in check; to make sure he didn't turn out to be some kind of psycho; turn out like Johnny. He warned the boy to keep away, but his attempts were in vain. And now, Squee was far more traumatized in those few minutes, than he had ever been in his life. That dumb psychotic shit..  
  
"No," the bear finally answered, doing his best to remain calm. "No, you didn't Todd. It was his fault. It was ALL his fault. I told you...I told you he was bad, just like your parents...but you couldn't listen. You couldn't." He trailed off as Squee's eyes filled with tears again, but decided that he had to keep going. The boy had to learn..Shmee wouldn't be there for him forever. People move on, children die, adults are born, and figments are forgotten. Better that he learn now how messed up trust could truly be, than later, when he was about to die.  
  
"Todd," Shmee continued. "He's insane.he's always been insane, but somehow, has always gained an appropriate amount of control, to keep from doing something he'd totally regret." He thought a moment, his thoughts trailing back to Devi. He could hear her screaming, see her running, laughed at how she kicked that sick man's ass. "For the most part," he added, smiling. "He doesn't have that anymore. He can't control what he does. He'll kill you if he ever gets the chance, the way he killed, kills, and will kill, all those people.And." Now the hard part. He had made up his mind. If this was this was the only way Squee would learn, then that's how it would be. In his mind, there was no other alternative.  
  
"Shmee.?"  
  
"If you ever, EVER go near him again," Shmee swallowed as well as he could being a stuffed toy, and tried to sound stern without scaring Squee to the point of death. "I won't be here to help you anymore."  
  
There was a silence, awkward in its own way. Squee wasn't and wouldn't say a word. His mind would flow with a million questions when Shmee was done, and still, the bear would not be able to answer them, as if he expected the boy to actually ask. It was a terrifying thought to be so confused. Shmee finished, his voice as unpleasant as a funeral, "Do you know what I'm saying? I'm going to leave you, and never come back. Then you will truly be alone."  
  
Squee drew back at this, leaving Shmee untouched on the mattress. He felt a terrible pain in his stomach. This was his fault, and unless he wanted to lose his best friend, he wouldn't be able to make up for that. No..His parents were unhappy, Johnny was unhappy.it was his fault. It had always been his fault. Nothing would change that. He gulped something down..make them happy..make them all happy. he could only think of one way to do that.  
  
"I know you're smarter than that, Todd. "Shmee's voice kept going, sounding along in the background of Squee's mind, as thoughts penetrated and desecrated his youthful soul. He stared at Shmee, horribly trying with all his might to comprehend the situation. "I know you won't speak to him again. I know you'll do everything in your power to avoid him. I know you want to be a normal little boy with loving parents and a nice home. I can't give you all of that, but I know that talking to Johnny isn't going to help things, especially when he wants to kill you. You understand what I'm saying, right? You won't make contact with him?"  
  
He only nodded, contemplating what he would do, and rested his head on his pillow. Shmee would leave..but.they were so unhappy. He made them unhappy. It was something he desperately wanted to fix, because it was in fact, his fault that they felt that way; because of his pathetic existence. He pulled Shmee close to his body once again, feeling the warmth and trying to appreciate for all it was worth. There was no telling when they would say goodbye.  
  
"Then later we can set his house on fire."  
  
Hello nightmares.  
  
~~~  
  
"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God, I'm gonna fucking die!!"  
  
Heads turned as a strange woman raced around the corner of another crowded street, skidding as she turned and almost flying into an old lady getting ready to cross the street. Her heart raced as she pushed against the crowd, only a few blocks away form her original start. The Chinese restaurant. The sound of police sirens faded, something she imagined should've been comforting, like they would be able to catch the man that was after her, but they faded off in the distance, only just now getting to the scene of the crime. Besides..he was never caught. Not once. All those people, and not a sign of even coming close to getting caught.  
  
Perhaps that added to her fear.  
  
He was behind her, she could feel it. She could hear the screams behind her as his footsteps hit the pavement, as he stabbed those who were unfortunate to get in his way. She knew that if she turned around, there would be blood. Dear God, so much blood, and a shadow. The one that had haunted her for God knows how long.  
  
He wouldn't stop. Wouldn't let go. He would continue to pursue her forever, or least until he caught up and slit her throat. Nice and easy. The picture of her cold lifeless body leaking of her blood, held in the arms of that..psycho sent a shudder up and down her spine and she almost hit another elderly person. What the hell were all these old people doing around here, in the worst of worst neighborhoods? No, focus on escaping, focus on escaping...  
  
Devi felt something sharp hit her back, feeling a horrible warmth trail down her back. A shriek escaped her lips; she nearly faltered in her run, but forced her body to stay in motion. The pain was only a slight stinging; she imagined that he had only thrown the knife at her, resulting in a semi- deep cut, but she wouldn't be sure until she made it.  
  
Made it where? Where was she going? Should she go home? Barricade the door, so he couldn't get in and mutilate her body? *Yeah, great idea Devi* she muttered inside her own mind, dodging a homeless person. *As if he couldn't find a way in. Dear God, its Johnny for Christ's sake! Can't get rid of him if I run home..I'll just be running forever!*  
  
"Deviiiiii! It's me, Johnny!!" a voice came mockingly from behind her. "Stop running! This is for your own fucking good!" She gasped, taking a quick look over her shoulder, and feeling the burning of fear strike her body. He was there, as if he'd left, madness burning in his dark eyes, the sinister smile spread across his bloodstained cheeks. He held up the knife, the very same that he had thrown at her, (*must've picked it up along the way* Devi thought) and leapt into the air, screeching as though it were a war cry.  
  
She screamed again, leaping into the street, right into oncoming traffic, as Johnny landed right where she had once been. Devi didn't dare turn around to see if he was coming at her now; just kept running as the cars came screeching to a stop. She had expected them to actually hit her, as one almost did, but disregarded their politeness completely for the moment. She was about to die.  
  
*~* Flashback*~*  
  
She stared into his eyes, those gentle, childlike eyes, so full of innocence. He was alarmingly handsome, even looking so nervous. She decided that was another trait of what made her so attracted to him. He stood there in the doorway, smiling slightly, hands behind his back. He was trying not to make eye contact, and when he finally did, he tore the gaze, blushing violently, and allowing his smile to get even bigger.  
  
"Hey Johnny," Devi smiled, opening the door wide enough for him to step inside. He didn't seem to get the hint, so she laughed inwardly and replied, "Come on in. Do you want something to drink before we go?"  
  
Johnny blushed again, and softly answered, "No thanks. I'm fine. I had a brainfreezy before I came over." He ran a hand through his nicely combed hair, which was the first time she had ever seen his hair in such a manner. Normally, his hair was shooting up in every direction, untamed, but at the same time, so 'Johnny.' "And some 'skettios," he finished.  
  
Devi's smile grew wider. Damn, he was just so cute. "Well," she said. I'm ready when you are." he looked at her, and smiled as well, cheeks still burning red.  
  
"I'm ready."  
  
*~*End*~*  
  
"Please don't let him kill meeee!!!" Devi shrieked, hoping that someone.anyone around would help her, but they only stared, uncaring, shoving passed her. She knew her luck was wearing thin. She could only outrun him for so long, before either getting hit by a car, or stabbed to death. The shit was going to hit the fan. "PLEASE! Why won't you people listen to me?! He's a fucking psycho and he's going to kill me!!"  
  
She turned again. He just wouldn't quit, would he? He would keep going until he had managed to actually kill her..There was no point in running anymore..*As if! Are you really that desperate to get torn apart by that madman?!*  
  
Devi heard him screech once again, as the two neared another street. Heavy traffic flowed through it, committed to hit anyone who dared venture forth onto the asphalt. She held her breath, knowing that there were two options she could take; one involving a very good chance that she would be horribly killed, and the other, an unmistakable definite that she would die. She ran out into the street.  
  
She knew Johnny would pursue. He was willing to get himself killed to kill another, apparently, and she believed that the fiery racing of the cars only added to his excitement.  
  
"Deviiii! You ruined one moment for me! Don't kill another one!!!"  
  
*~*Flashback*~*  
  
They sat in the theater, practically the only ones there, but they didn't seem to notice. They would've been just as content had the movie theater been full and crowded. For once, Johnny ignored the way his boots stuck to the floor, the way he sunk into the thick remnants of soda and popcorn, and the way the ticket seller had started giggling in disapproval at his dark, individualistic attire.  
  
And he did it all for Devi.  
  
She looked so beautiful, so much like the angel he had always envisioned her to be those times at the bookstore. Her voice was so heavenly to him, her eyes struck him like a wondrous brick (the good kind that makes you feel overwhelmed with a sense of love and understanding, before you realize that you can't feel anything) with their beauty.she was everything he could've ever hoped for, and more.and best of all, she was with him.  
  
She rested he head against his chest, feeling him tense, but quickly relax. She could hear his heart beat, rhythmically, hypnotically lulling her to sleep, but she stayed awake (the movie was far too good to miss). He was so calm, so reassuring; at that moment, it felt like nothing in the world mattered, like nothing could ever, ever hurt them. They were together, and that was all they would ever need.  
  
Johnny rested his chin on top of her head, trying to relax as best he could.it was easier than it had ever been before. She made him feel...special. Feel loved; feel so at ease. He inhaled, taking in the scent of her perfume. He knew she didn't wear it much; she had told him so in the bookstore. It was such a wonderful smell; so wonderful in fact, that he swore to himself he would never forget it.  
  
*~*End*~*  
  
He could smell it as he ran after her. That fragrance, trailing from her body in the calm night. Johnny kept breathing it in, the smell taking him back to that fateful night, before everything turned to shit, before he had succumbed to the dark words of that doughboy..he had made a mistake..why couldn't she see that he was sorry?  
  
*You're racing after her into a busy street, wielding a giant fucking knife, you asshole* he shook his head, unable to grasp the situation that quick before skidding out into the middle of the road. She had almost made it across, just a few more steps, that was all. He, one the other hand.had a only three seconds before he would be torn apart by the semi racing towards him.  
  
Johnny scrambled out of the way, feeling the wind from the semi shoot passed him as he just made it. Still, he was in the middle of traffic. He shot out in front of a car, leaping into the air as if trying to dodge a bullet, and actually succeeded. He wasn't going to get run over now, and Devi was only so far ahead.  
  
He grinned, starting his merry little run again. She would be his..he shook his head for a second time. No, no, he didn't want her to get hurt. He didn't want to kill her. It was the doughboys talking to him again from some dank puddle in his mind, calling out to him. It had to be.it just had to..He tried to stop his legs from their current motion, but his body wouldn't let him.  
  
*C'mon, Johnny. The running was always the best part.when they're so full of life.when they haven't given up...come on, Johnny. We'll make them give up.just you and me..and good ol' Mr. Knife.yessss...*  
  
"YES!" he felt his lips move, but he himself could not comprehend their words, nor could he stop them. "YES!! I won't let myself be corrupted by such hideous beings!! People must die for their disgusting ways with those stupid things..that they do..yeah.! She is just another person!!" Johnny took another racing step and promptly fell over. He almost thought he heard a crack in his jaw, as he hit the pavement with a mind-numbing thunk, and immediately felt blood rush into his mouth, absorbing his tongue in its whimsical movement. He felt his vision became blurred; whether it was from the fall itself or his very own anger, he couldn't be sure. He only knew that Devi was getting away.for a second time.  
  
He screeched, attempting to push himself up on his hands, but failed, only falling back down to the sidewalk on his gut. No, she was leaving. She was leaving..he couldn't even see her anymore. The dark thin figure in the distance had disappeared completely, as though eaten up by the darkness. Gone.  
  
She was fucking gone.  
  
"Oh God...shit.shit shit shit." Johnny curled his head into his shoulder, raising his arms just over himself; angry and beaten. He no longer had the knife, or the energy to find it. It was only then did he realize what he had been doing. "God.Am I really that sick..? I-I didn't want to do that.." He lay there like that a moment longer before rolling over on his back and letting his arms spread out. There was a pain in the back of his hand as he moved it quickly outward, and he flinched. Feeling a small warmth against his skin, he raised his arm, staring at the wound, as he tried to swallow the remaining blood.  
  
He had found the knife.  
  
~~~  
  
"Yeah, so then she's all like 'no way loser! You are so gross!' so I said ' hey babe. Don't judge the book by its insides.'" Jaeyzon leaned in towards his date, who leaned backwards, clearly repulsed. He smiled. "Soooo...how's about you and me...um, head back to...your place? My parents will kill me if I take a girl into my room."  
  
The girl squealed in disgust, slapping him forcefully, so hard in fact that a thin line of blood trickled for the corner of his mouth. She glared menacingly, grabbing her coat and standing up. "Get away from me, you stupid little loser! You sicken me completely!"  
  
Jaeyzon blinked, then leaned back in his seat, half-smiling. "Aw, c'mon, baby. Don't be like that..." He flashed her a toothy grin, and nodded, as if that would have her jumping into his arms at that moment. Instead, she turned, with a glorious snobbish grunt and walked out the door of the restaurant.  
  
The remainder of the restaurant's customers stared for moment, then resumed eating again. This was not something abnormal. That kid was always in this restaurant, almost every night, two or three times at least, with two or three different dates. And he was always getting slapped.  
  
"Man, that's the third one tonight.."Jaeyzon whined, slamming his head against the edge of the table, and groaning. "Maybe it's my cologne...it's always been a little too good for some people.." he turned to the man standing at the table's side and whined again, "What am I doing wrong?"  
  
The man, otherwise known as one of the chefs, shot him an apologetic look, raising his eyebrows as he took the dishes from the table. "Maybe you just haven't met the right girl. And by the looks of it, there can't be many more left; you've dated just about every girl in the entire city. One's gotta be yours." He turned to retire back to the kitchen before adding, with a hint of amusement in his voice, "And by the way, that cologne is so last year."  
  
Jaeyzon sighed again, grabbing his jacket. Time to go home and sleep..or play video games..which ever one peaked his interest upon entrance of his home. He sighed, leaving the money on the tabletop and sauntering out of the restaurant. He stood there at the corner's edge of the sidewalk, staring up at the stars, blood drying on his pale skin. "God," he finally replied, breaking his own silence. "If you would see it fit to send me a woman, any woman...as long as she was born a woman..please do so...now. Ame- "  
  
"Help me!!!"  
  
There was a crash, a rumble of two bodies colliding, and then a silence. Both parties could swear they were dead, that maybe whatever was coming up on them finally caught up. But one remembers the pain. Devi for one, could feel pain running throughout her head. She must have hit something hard. Something that was going to feed her to Johnny.  
  
She began to claw at the thing that lay sprawled across her lap, pinning her to the ground, attempting to force it away so that she could run again. Then something caught her eye: a face. Jesus, that face. So familiar, so agonizingly disturbing. She gulped something down and muttered in a squeak, "Jaeyzon?"  
  
Jaeyzon stared. What the hell.was going on? Who-? His thin lips spread into a quaint lopsided grin and inside his somewhat empty head, a thought crossed his mind: *Thank you God* He squealed in delight, spreading his arms out, and caught Devi D. in an enormous hug. "DEVI!!" he squealed in delight, pulling back slightly and pushing his face into hers.  
  
Devi screamed. She felt his mouth, his lips..dear God, she felt his tongue..in her mouth! In her fucking mouth! She immediately grabbed his shoulders, pushing him away as best she could, but he proved to be strong for a 15-year-old punk with a head full of hot air. He latched on to her like a child, refusing to let go, and put his mouth on her a second time, this time, against her cheek.  
  
"Devi! Devi, I'm so glad you're back! See, I knew God loved me! I mean, he sent me you! I asked him to send me a true love, or at least a woman anyway, and he did! And he sent me you, of all the people in the world!! I thought he'd send me some hooker!!" Jaeyzon squeaked in delight, wrapping his legs around hers to complete the hug. "I LOVE you!!"  
  
"Jaeyzon, please!" Devi struggled to free herself. She pushed against him, but he wouldn't let go, too caught up in the wonderful moment. "Jaeyzon, I don't have time for this. I need to leave, right now! I'm serious, I can't stay here with you! I need to hide!!"  
  
Jaeyzon shot her a hurt look, his mouth in a pout. He hugged her again, tighter this time and faintly relied, "But, but, God sent you! I asked him to send me the love of my life and he sent me you! We're meant for each other, Devi! Please don't leave me!!" He had begun to wail, and Devi sighed.  
  
This was not the time to start feeling sentimental..she didn't have the time to be sympathetic.she groaned, and in one decided movement, shoved him away.  
  
He fell against the ground, on his back, smacking his head on the sidewalk. Pain fell upon him and his head, and he barely had time to recover before Devi shrieked again and ran off into the darkness. He sat up, rubbing the back of his head. There she went..can't say it went any better than the last date he had had with her...but then, God sent her to him. He smiled, practically glowing, consumed by romance. "I'll see you later, Devi!!"  
  
~~~  
  
The dreams..They were coming back to haunt him. He squirmed in his sleep, tears tracing along his cheeks, soaking his pillow, forcing him on the verge of pissing his pajamas.  
  
~  
  
A/N: Blech. 


	6. No Hero

A/N: Hello again. Welcome to the hell that is me, and the torment that is my fiction. I dedicate this chapter to all those that have enjoyed and reviewed the tale of evil. May you all be blessed with many babies. Heh. Dear God, I'm sorry this took so long to get up. That's it.  
  
Here are the thankie people: IBIWD911, Cyanide-Rat, Jessy Antichrist, NnysGirl, Kitty-N3, Kitsune., Lito Kid Skullington, PoisonTears, bittersweet saturn, Deadaliveheavenhell, anonymoose. I give you my deepest respects.  
  
Disclaimer: I only own Jaeyzon, the horribly disturbed annoying kid who will probably end up dying. Jhonen owns everything else..but not for long...:)  
  
~~~  
  
Chapter 5: No Hero  
  
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~  
  
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"Hm.. it's a rather lovely morning.. don't you agree?"  
  
The other coughed and quickly replied, though the response was muffled by the gag covering his lips. He sat on the floor, turned in Johnny's direction, and awaiting whatever fate he had coming to him. Johnny himself, was lazily looking out the window, head propped up on his thin hands. He sighed, and looked back towards his latest capture. This one could prove to be useful.  
  
"Forgive my manners." Johnny apologized, backing up against the wall nearby. He gestured to the blindfold over the young man's eyes. "You can't see. Yes, well, sorry. But it was necessary to keep you from realizing where you are exactly. It could've brought you into a state of panic, and I can't say that it's a welcome thought, so here we are." He stared thoughtfully for a moment, possible contemplating what he would do next. Instead of relying of the wonderful act of violence, he bent over and removed the gag from his mouth.  
  
The boy, Jaeyzon as he was known to be called, gulped something down, very audibly and stammered, "Dude.. what do you want? I-I didn't do anything! I swear! Please, I'll do anything! Anything!!"  
  
"Enough of that," Johnny warned, turning his back on the youth. "I hate it when people beg.. or threaten, or lie, or scream. What good comes of it? Do you honestly think that any of that dramatic shit will get you anywhere?" He chuckled, smiling cruelly. "How very wrong you are. In fact, you choking up that disgusting rot is all the reason I need to kill you."  
  
Jaeyzon gulped again, jerking in silent, tearless fear sobs.  
  
"But perhaps, I don't need to." replied the skinny man. "If you provide me with the information I want. And if you stop with the stupid ass attempts at escaping me while mindless whining.."  
  
The boy nodded quickly, a nervous smile spreading across his face. " Yeah, sure. As long as you don't jam a knife down my throat, 'kay?"  
  
Johnny smiled happily and pulled up a box for his seat. "Goody," he remarked, leaning in. "Good of you to comply. I always like it when people cooperate. There are so few who decide to choose wisely. I am happy to see you are one of them." By this time, his voice had become grave and dark, with a hint of sadistic humor mixed in.  
  
"Firstly," the dark voice came again. "What do you know about Devi D.?"  
  
"Devi?"  
  
"Yes.. Devi." Johnny answered. "Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not stalking her or anything, There was an incident, quite embarrassing, and I tried to kill her... twice, actually. I would merely like to apologize for my uncontrollable actions." He leaned in towards the boy menacingly, though the youth could not see this. He only felt Johnny's cherry breath from the brainfreezy he had devoured earlier.  
  
"And since you were gushing like an idiot over her on the curb where I found you," Johnny continued. "I assumed that you could shed some light on her situation, and maybe tell me where she is headed. I know she won't be heading home, as she knows that I am aware of where that is."  
  
The boy shivered and slowly replied, choosing his wording wisely, "I.. I don't know. She just said that she had to go.. but I know she loves me. SHE LOVES ME!!"  
  
Real wise.  
  
"Hm... "Johnny sat still, deep in thought. His mind was a shamble of thoughts and images that drove his very soul in a panic; still, he did not show it. Did he really want to know where Devi was? Did she really matter? All this time, his search for cold was for nothing, but this was not her fault; oh no. It was Squee's. Once that little child was out of the picture, then the emotion would be gone. Devi was just a prelude to this, should he actually go through with it. Once Squee was dead, then so Johnny's emotions would be as well. In the end, none of this really mattered.  
  
He stood up, turning his back to his victim, and sighed loudly. He rubbed the back of his neck, and with a voice full of annoyance and anger, he spoke, "Do you know how many people say that within a lifetime? Do you know how much it burns when you realize it was all a game? My boy, you are living a life full of useless emotions, disgusting, overwhelming, expendable. 'Love' you freakishly call it, is nothing. Live like you have no feeling, no conscience, no hunger. Then you will see the perfect being for what it truly is."  
  
Jaeyzon quivered.  
  
"I realize that what I did is wrong," He added after a moment of silence, gathering his thoughts into a giant cup to spill out to the misled youngster. "I tried to kill her..twice. But realize that you are wrong, for believing that people are ever worth loving," There was a sudden tear in his chest that jolted his insides the moment the words were uttered from his lips, but he shrugged it away, and continued his speech. "Take my advice, friend. Forget the feelings dwelling within your simple mind. It only brings you to pain..and trying to kill the girl you love.hm, no. Never mind. That was just me being horribly insane. I hate mixed signals, especially when they're from your own mind."  
  
He stared at Jaeyzon for a moment, neither of them speaking, and quickly replied, "Is any of this making sense to you?"  
  
Jaeyzon shrugged. "I don't know. I kinda stopped paying attention. Sorry. Um, anyway, do you think you could take off this blindfold? My eyes are starting to hurt, and it's always nice to have a face with a voice. That, and I wanna know which way to run if you don't k-kill me."  
  
Johnny thought, pausing to run a hand through his dark hair. "Hm, I'm not at all sure you'd really want to see. After all, appearances are the cause of most simplistic freak outs. I'm not at all sure I'm finished with you yet."  
  
"Aw, man... fine, what else, guy? I jus wanna get outta here!"  
  
Johnny forced a smile, suddenly eyeing a fork nearby. It was lying on the floor, crusty with what looked like old spaghetti sauce, probably from a long ago spaghettios meal. He licked his lips, feeling that lost sense of killing lust rush back into his brain. Devi was going to be the last person to ever get away from him, and in any case, he'd find her eventually, on his own. This kid wasn't going to be any help finding her. He was better off dead anyhow.  
  
"Well, you see," Johnny started, reaching for the fork slowly. Anticipation was key, and fuck, was he anticipating thrusting the piece of silverware straight into Jaeyzon's throat. "I feel its my civic duty to free you of all mental pain. You're annoying, you're whiny, and you're in love. I told you earlier that if you provided me with what I wanted to know that I would have no reason to kill you, right?"  
  
Jaeyzon nodded unsure of himself.  
  
"Well, all those above reasons are the signature on your death sentence." Johnny squealed merrily, bloodlust on his mind, red in his eyes. He held up the fork and grabbed the front of the teens shirt, an evil chuckle escaping his throat.  
  
"Jaeyzon screamed. "Oh holy shit!! Please, dear God! I don't want to die! I don't want to die!!"  
  
"Yes, well, everybody has to something they don't want to do. Usually they have a choice as to whether they can back out or not. Unfortunately, you don't have that choice. At all."  
  
The fork ripped into Jaeyzon's neck, tearing his flesh apart. A dark red drenched the ground and Johnny's fists as he shoved the object deep into the boy's neck, watching with obvious insane pleasure at the choking and gurgling and struggling. The body continued to jolt in spasms and horrid gurgles brought Johnny hurtling back towards his old life.  
  
Young Jaeyzon was gone. And Johnny couldn't have been happier.  
  
He dropped the body, watching the last few postmortem twitches and felt a wave of laughter overcome himself. "One down, two to go," he agreed. "I'm rather looking forward to seeing Devi again. One last time."  
  
~~~  
  
~~~  
  
"Shmee.. I'm cold. Its dark here and I can't move.. Shmee? Shmee?"  
  
"Squee! Squee, come here! You need to try this. Its your turn." A voice came from the darkness, just behind young Squee and he turned around. Now there was light and there before him stood the ever-scary Johnny C., grinning maliciously and holding up one of those famous knives.  
  
His smile sent shudders up the young boy's mind and he felt around for his bear, only to find nothing.  
  
"C'mon Squee," Johnny replied again, excitement quivering in his voice. "Here." he held out the knife. "Take it. You deserve it." He motioned towards the two screaming figures just behind him and laughed. "They're waiting for you, Squee. He both of them. They knew it would eventually come to this. Take the chance. Show them they were wrong. You're alive for a purpose. You have meaning. Don't let their thoughts destroy. Use the thoughts to destroy them."  
  
Squee blinked, flinching when Johnny forced the knife into his hands. He stared at the bright blade, gleaming in his eyes, stained with blood, old and new. Cautiously, he took a step towards the two people, an odd feeling shivering up and down his spine. This feeling.. could it be.. excitement? Like what Johnny felt every time he made a kill, or torment. Or maybe it was fear. Fear of who those two people were. could it be.?  
  
Yes, they were his parents. Staring at his with torment in their eyes, blood gracefully flowing from every wound on their bodies, their screams and pleas to him felt like a dagger in his heart with every bloody noise.  
  
These people..his mother who paid him no mind in any way possible, who didn't even remember who he was at certain points, to consumed by drugs and alcohol to bother. She had no jaw now. One arm was missing and the other was brutally mutilated.  
  
And his dear father, who every day told him time and time again what a mistake he was, had been since the day of his unwanted birth. The man that didn't give a damn about him at all, tried to give his soul to Satan and his antichrist son. Now, dear old daddy was missing half his scalp, and both legs. His stomach had been torn open and the guts had wormed themselves loose and spilled to the ground with a sickening splat.  
  
They were both so evil, so miserable. He felt a tear fall loose from his eye, and dropped the knife. Could he..? Should he actually.? He didn't have time to consider it long, as Johnny rushed passed him, picking up the knife as he went, and tore into his mother and father.  
  
He wave the knife around maniacally driving into Squee's dad's skull and jolting it around like a madman. The skinny man screamed and laughed, grabbing the unfortunate mother before she could manage to get too far and wedged the blade into her back, revealing in her obvious pain. He suddenly looked at Squee, grinning and wheezing from lack of breath. "Come on, Squee, they won't live for much longer. Hurry up or you won't have your chance."  
  
Squee took a step back, fear gripping his chest. He couldn't breath, couldn't move, couldn't take his eyes off the monstrosity that had come into his sight. He merely stared, sweat dripping radically from his face like a water fountain. He realized that the subject of his fear was racing towards him.  
  
Then he screamed.  
  
Johnny raised an eyebrow, instantly dropping the soon-to-be-dead women in a puddle of her own fear and blood. "Squee? Squee, what's wrong?" He turned his head in an attempt to find what was so horrifying that it would drive the child to scream (though not considering that maybe it was his own horrible act of murder, but let's not be picky), and gasped.  
  
It was something..something dark and large; a shadow that held some unspeakable terror. It came rushing towards them with a hellish speed, and it appeared to be lunging straight at young Squee.  
  
He screamed again, prepared to be devoured by the monster whatever kind of creature it was. Johnny growled, turning fully to face the thing, knife drawn and ready, and quickly leapt in front of the boy. The creature snarled out of what looked like a mouth, opening a glazed eye, and snapped down upon Johnny C, It wrapped a clouded appendage around him; Squee guessed it was the equivalent of an arm, watching as it pulled his neighbor away, back , back, and back.  
  
He stared into the monster's one open eyes, cowering back as he found something he recognized deep within its pupil. Something so familiar and terrifying, leading him back to one person. He only knew of one person who held that same familiarity and that man was now being taken to some farthest reach of God knows where.  
  
Almost by complete accident, he raced after it, screaming and shouting, unsure of what he would be capable of doing should it turn around. .  
  
He stopped short when both disappeared into the darkness. Even his parents (or their corpses) were gone as well. He stood there wondering what to do, suddenly realizing the scary truth of all nightmares, as he had done each and every night in each and every dream.  
  
Squee was alone.  
  
~~~  
  
"Todd. Todd, wake up."  
  
Squee eased a tear filled eye open, finding the face of his bear above him. He let out one welcome yawn, and sat straight up, looking around his sun- lighted room for a monster of some sort, or the bodies of his parents, or even Johnny himself. Finding nothing more than a few toys and Shmee, he ran a small, shaking hand up the side of his face, feeling nothing but wetness.  
  
"That's your sweat, Todd." Shmee stated, sitting down on the mattress. "It's all over the place. At first I thought you had just pissed yourself, but I fail to see how you could've pissed this much and managed to get some on your face as well. You really dug yourself into one hell of a nightmare."  
  
"I don't wanna sleep anymore, Shmee." Squee replied, curling into a little ball. "There's too many nightmares, and last night I dreamed that mommy and daddy got killed by Johnny."  
  
Shmee looked at the child strangely. "Since when do you ever call him 'Johnny', Squee? I didn't know you switched on to a first name basis with that wacko. Lemme guess. Its that nightmare, isn't it? The one where That sicko gets sucked up by that shadow again?"  
  
Squee only nodded, covering his head with the covers.  
  
Shmee growled, suddenly ripping the covers away and tossing the blanket to the floor. "You're still thinking of doing it, aren't you?" He glared. "even after that talk we had last night. Don't you get it? Giving up isn't the answer, Squee. You're only choice is to ignore them all, or kill them all." He pulled away and began to pace around the bed. "Do you think 'Johnny's ' going to just stop being sick after he kills you? No, he's not. He's still going to kill people and at what meaningless expense? Your life? Good call, Squee. Good call."  
  
"I- I just want them to be happy." Squee answered slowly. "I don't want them to be sad just because I'm around. Especially since he's the only one who ever acted like he cared."  
  
"But he doesn't care!" Shmee squealed angrily. "He doesn't care about anyone but himself. You heard about what he did to that poor girl he came home with. They looked like they were having a good time, right? And then what? He tries to kill her and she runs out screaming." He smiled cruelly. "did he looked like he cared for her, Squee."  
  
No answer.  
  
Shmee sighed. "Try and understand that this is for your own good. Knowing that these people are horrible is a good thing, okay?"  
  
Nod.  
  
"Good, now get ready for that school thing you have and don't forget the matches. Nothing says I love school like burning it down."  
  
~~~  
  
~~~  
  
Johnny C. sat upon the couch in his living room, half expecting another spring to pop out beneath his weight, however skinny he was. He let a muffled groan, arching his back enough to hear it snap and relieve him of a pain that had become quite annoying within the past few hours. Ever since he'd killed that kid, he found that his body was constantly aching. Probably from lack of rest. After all, he had been out and about all night long, getting only a couple hours rest from coming home from his holiday. Then getting beaten up by a damned stuffed bear, shoved down a flight of stairs, making attempts on loved ones' lives, killing a few innocent people, and running after the women of your dreams just to kill her only to fall and cut yourself on your own knife.  
  
Ah, life was shitty.  
  
He slumped in his seat. Dilemmas. Dilemmas. Devi would not be so easy to find. She could be anywhere, after that cute little stunt he pulled, what with pulling a knife on her, for a second time. If she could only see what his true intentions were. All he wanted to do was apologize.  
  
Johnny blinked. Intention? He tried to kill her again. Yeah, some great intention. Maybe finding her wasn't such a good idea. He couldn't be sure of who would be present: himself or that completely cold Johnny, the one who would dare hurt Squee.. and Devi, of course. He swallowed. What the fuck was he supposed to do?  
  
"If only Nailbunny were still around," he growled to himself. "At least he was of some help. He knew what to say, he knew what I was feeling." He stopped suddenly, eyes wide, standing frozen in place. A shudder fluttered through his body. Did he just...?  
  
"Aaaaagggghhhhhh!!!" He threw himself on his knees, grabbing his head as if in pain, with both frail hands. "I still feel!!! After al this time, even the slightest bit of unwanted feeling will not cease to exist!! I fucking failed!!" He fell to the floor, staring up at the ceiling, panting like a sick dog. "I just wanted to be cold. Just a little cold at least, but all those fucking feelings won't leave me. Why can't they just go away? Why won't everything just leave me the fuck alone..?"  
  
"Oh, but they can Johnny." a voice replied soothingly, gracing his mind and soul.  
  
Johnny sat straight up, and glanced around the room. "Wha-?" he opened his mouth, eyes darting around to find the object that spoke to him so calmly. "Who's there? What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"Its me, Johnny." Meat giggled. "You remember, Reverend Meat. I believe you referred to me as the Prick yesterday, when you first arrived. That's not very nice, you know?"  
  
Johnny growled and stood up. He answered indignantly, "And here I was thought it was something of use. What makes you think you know anything about the situation? You're no Nailbunny."  
  
Meat giggled again, psychotically in a way, forcing Johnny to grit his teeth in frustration. "Come now, Nny. You must know by now that I'm just another part of your already collapsing mind. What you know I know, though that's not strictly vice-versa. You seem a tad more dense ever since you returned, if that's possible. I don't know how many times the actual 'situation' has been explained to you, and even buy yourself. Still, you don't get it.. or maybe you just don't want to."  
  
"No," Johnny answered. "I get it. I kill Squee, and then everything is fine. I'm cold and the world is a better place, right?" His voice was sarcastic but it did hold at least some truth and he knew it. "I will never kill Squee and I think I've made that pretty fucking clear to you fucking voices. But I've decide that if I'm going to be cold, I will be the one to flush it all away, not some long lost version of me-to-come! Or do you not understand that, Meat?!"  
  
"Come now, Johnny." soothed the still grinning Meat. "You know truly that all you need is for the victim to come to you. You'll never get it done if you're out on the lookout for him. It'll never happen. And I think that your time will come soon, friend."  
  
Johnny glared. "You are no friend of mine. I need no friend."  
  
"Regardless."  
  
Johnny turned towards the door. Someone was knocking. Someone was actually knocking. Some complete fucking idiot was actually wanting to venture up to his decayed shack. He grinned. "This is what I need, Meat. Something to feed my aggression. Some poor ignorant... human, naturally corrupted by the world around him, to save from the frustrations of living. Not some innocent little boy who has not yet begun to live. This is what neither you nor that freak who dare call himself the future Johnny C. could give me."  
  
Johnny laughed and eased the door slightly open, quivering with excitement, yet unwilling to show it. "Yes, may I help you?" He kept his voice dark and low as he often did when someone journeyed to his quaint little home.  
  
His face dropped, the excitement withered away, he had the sudden urge to shut and lock the door and never leave. "S-Squee..? What are you doing over here..?"  
  
Squee forced a smile, however small, and stared at his shoe. "I came by to say hello, Mr. Johnny. I-I was on my way to school and I thought that I should just come by and-and -and.. hello." He was extremely pale and goosebumps littered his small, skinny arms.  
  
Johnny smiled nervously and opened the door just a tiny bit more so that the child could see that there was no available weapon for Johnny to stab him with. Maybe that's why he was so frightened. Still, the boy remained pale and the goosebumps refused to leave. "That's nice, Squee.. hello.. I would invite you in, but I don't think that it's the best time, what with my trying to kill you. I mean, my mind isn't what or where it should be and I don't want to end up hurting."  
  
The smile left Squee's face. "But that's why I'm here." He dropped his backpack ad swallowed, stepping forward. "I-I don't want you to hate stuff just because I'm around. My parents are miserable because of me, and so are you. I can tell. Yesterday in the basement, you had that look on your face like my dad has every time he sees me." His voice seemed choked with invisible sobs, a tear streamed down from his eye. "But you were the first person to ever treat me real nice. I don't.. I don't want you to be miserable."  
  
Johnny bit his lip. *Tell me he's not doing what I think he's doing.*  
  
"So go ahead. If you wanna slice me up into tiny pieces and hid me in your basement, I don't mind.." His eyes said otherwise. "I don't want you to hate me no more."  
  
*Hate him. he thinks I hate. him of all people..* Johnny closed his eyes tight. This wasn't happening..this was NOT happening. He couldn't be telling Johnny to kill him. This small boy weighing no more than a cheeseburger. Oh God.. Oh God.. Oh shit. Oh fucking shit.  
  
Johnny glanced at a knife (his house is little with the damn things. Cute huh?), twitching. He turned his attention back to Squee, then once again to the knife.. *Fuck, what would Jesus do..? Set him on fire and send him to hell? (for those of you who don't get that, it was on Comedy Central during Comedy Central Presents, you know, with the stand ups? Don't remember who said it though. It was muy funny.) shit no...*  
  
His thin fingers wrapped carefully around the handle, and he brought it to his side. His eyes stared at the small cowering figure on his doorstep and he couldn't help but grip the knife tighter.  
  
"Squee.."  
  
~  
  
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A/N: Oh no, which Johnny is it? This chapter was hard but fun to write. :D 


	7. Science Fiction

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, the god of comics.  
  
A/N: I had fun. ~  
  
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Chapter 6: Science fiction  
  
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Ring.  
  
"Please answer. Please answer..."  
  
Ring.  
  
"Come on. Please....for the love of God..."  
  
Ring ring ring.  
  
"H-hullo?  
  
"Tenna? Tenna, is that you?  
  
"Huh....? Who is this?  
  
Devi rolled her eyes. "Tenna, it's me, Devi. Devi, your friend. Probably your only friend..." she muttered the last part, barely audible in the first place. She stood at a payphone, eight blocks from the restaurant where Johnny had tried to kill her...again. She didn't realize until morning that she had really only run around in circles and passed the damn place eighteen times. Now she needed rest and there wasn't a Johnny C. in sight.  
  
"Devi's not here. She didn't even make it to her apartment. Call back later." Came the reply.  
  
Click.  
  
"No, Tenna! Don't hang up! Don't hang up!" She screamed into the phone, before stopping, coming to the realization that her reaction came five seconds two late. Tenna was gone and Devi's last bit of change was taken by the phone. She groaned, slamming the phone back against its proper place on the hook, and stepped away towards the curb.  
  
What a night. And running into Jaeyzon made everything ten times worse. *I can't believe I went out with that puberty-stricken....* Wait. She had dropped him off at home around....what was it? 8:45 to 9. Why the hell had he been out there that late...? A sudden wave of anger gripped her body and she felt her face redden. "Why that little punk! He had other dates planned that night! That's why he had to get home so early! Ack, if I ever see that little dickhead again, I'll kill him....." she calmed down rather quickly, remembering just how old he was. Fifteen. She could been arrested for statutory rape if anything (God forbid) had actually happened. It was best just to forget about that punk-ass.  
  
What mattered now was finding a place to stay for the next few days. Staying with Tenna was definitely out of the question. She'd end up killing her and then Devi herself would be no better than that psycho Johnny. No money. No nearby family...no family. She groaned again. Maybe some nice stranger would take her in....just for a little while... "Yeah, if paranoia wasn't at the top of everyone's list. Ugh, what the hell am I supposed to do now? He knows where I live. Suppose he's there waiting for me....there's another reason why I can't go stay at Tenna's. He might see me.....I'm so screwed."  
  
Johnny C. Her mind whispered his name and she felt her heart thump hard in her chest. "Why won't he just leave my life? All I want is a happy little normal life with a normal guy who doesn't kill people and who's just normal...and boring...." she sat on the curb and rested her arms on her knees. "Boring. Great, I want someone boring. Why is it that the normal ones are boring and the neat ones are....homicidal?"  
  
She finally stood and started to cross the street. "Well, I'm not going to get anywhere by just standing around. I need to find a place to hide out for a while.  
  
~~~ ~~~  
  
~~~  
  
Johnny stared, wanting to drop the knife that willingly stayed in his hand. He gulped audibly, staring down at his young neighbor. This boy, the only human Johnny had ever decided had the slightest bit of hope for his future, needed no such thing as someone to kill him.  
  
"S-Squee, what are you talking about....?"  
  
"Please," tears fell from his large eyes. "Please. Do it."  
  
Johnny felt sweat begin to drip down from his forehead. His thoughts were so clouded....clouded by what? The pure want of killing someone or something at that exact moment? With the only potential victim before him being his young friend? He cursed himself mentally. *I promised myself that I would never kill him of all the people in the world. I could nev...never..."  
  
*Johnny C., lovely to see the world through your eyes again.* a voice cooed in his mind, soaring and scratching his brain. It paused from all movement and took a moment to, what Johnny decided to refer to it as, breathe. *Well? Aren't you going to kill it already? It's already offering itself to you, beckoning the blade's sharpened edge to rip across his gut, forever staining you...doormat.....tell me the damned thing doesn't say welcome. I will lose all respect for your profession if indeed it does....*  
  
Johnny felt himself unable to move and responded icily. *Aren't you apart of me? If that's the case then you are partly responsible for that 'welcome' lying on my doorstep.* He tried to push away the horrid little voice pestering him indecently without remorse, but found he couldn't.  
  
*Kill him, Johnny. He's right there, waiting, hoping, wanting, as are you. I can feel it. The both of us can barely wait for the moment, you know. If it weren't for the fact that you were holding back, the little fuck would've been dead by now and I would've taken over, leaving you to die in this cozy little body of ours, spiraling away to be consumed by my reigning soul.*  
  
Johnny knew indeed that he....or it....other Johnny, was grinning maliciously. He drew in a breath and glared at Squee.  
  
"Run before I lose control Squee." he growled. "Go away before I end up doing something we both regret. If you stay here any longer, I can guarantee that you will die and if you die..." he paused, wanting so badly to put the fear of God into the fragile child. "Then so do I."  
  
Squee drew back slightly, looking as if he were reconsidering the situation he had just placed himself so uncomfortably into.  
  
"Is that what you want, Squee?" Johnny's voice was low and terrifying, the tone that sent shiver's up the boy's spine. "You want both of us to die? One right after the other? Are you really willing to risk someone else's life by throwing yours away?"  
  
Squee gulped.  
  
"Are you?"  
  
He shook his head slowly, tears still dripping from his eyes.  
  
"Then go. Don't come back until you know for sure it's safe, Squee. I don't want to hurt you and I won't if you stay away from me, understand?"  
  
Squee's lower lip began to quiver and he hastily nodded. Without so much as a word, he turned away and ran as fast as his tiny legs could manage, away from the house. He carried himself off down the street, in the direction Johnny hoped was school.  
  
Johnny sighed and quickly slammed the door of his decrepit home shut. He leaned against the door, panting as if some epic battle had taken place, but in truth, he felt like he was suffocating. His lungs felt like they were going to burst. He fell to the floor on his hands and knees, gripping his throat, sweating as he panicked to breathe.  
  
*What the hell did you do that for, you fucking sack of metaphorical shit? Your opportunity is lost; the cold was nearly released. You could've been cold you asshole! Free of fucking emotions, but no!! You had to reject his presence! Ack! I could kill you!*  
  
Johnny moved a couple feet, before falling and rolling on his back, both hands clawing at his chest. "C-can't....breeee.....the...."  
  
*Yes, think of it as holding your breath, you conniving shit. The only thing is, I'm holding it for you. I'm gaining control, more and more every day, every second, every time you inhale a lungful of the disgusting negativity you actually call air. Think of it this way, Johnny: You won't be able to protect him for long. Once I get a second's hold over our body, he'll be as good as dead. You'll awaken to realize what you have done, and I will emerge, killing 'the nice crazy neighbor man' and unleashing my cold form unto the world. You've lost, Johnny C.*  
  
The voice disappeared into the far reaches of his mind once again; Johnny felt his breath fly free from his mouth and he gasped, the feeling of burning lungs lost. He coughed and groaned a minute on the wood floor of the house, trying to regain air, trying to get back strength.  
  
Black began to take over, consuming (I love that word) his vision, blinding him to the lights and the shadows. He groaned once again and closed his eyes, giving in to the weakness, and inviting the dark to his world.  
  
~~~  
  
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Johnny felt a deep sound move from his throat, a moan he hadn't meant to let go. He opened his eyes ever so slightly, then closed them again, the light too powerful on his sensitive pupils.  
  
"So it lives. Dear me, perhaps I should try to remedy that....what say you, Oh-Murderer-of-the-Innocent?"  
  
Johnny turned over, his eyes snapping open immediately. He knew that voice. That putrid, all knowing tone, filled with amusement and sarcasm. That voice.....He gritted his teeth, focusing on its owner. "Y-you.....what the hell do-do you want.....? Get ow...out...NOW."  
  
"My, my," Shmee answered, giggling. He stood less than two inches away from Johnny's smudged face and leant in just a tiny bit closer. "Is that any way to treat a guest? Oh, silly me. I forgot what I was talking to. Of course, it's not like you could do anything damaging to me at the moment, right? Not in the shape your in..."  
  
Johnny got to his knees, scanning the room for his knife.  
  
Shmee's smile faded. "Oh, come on. You didn't honestly think I'd just allow you to rip the hell out of me, like last time." He turned around, exposing his back. "I didn't used to have those stitches; all fifteen of them. Lucky our little friend Squee knows how to fix things such as this." He glared. "Which brings me as to why I'm here...."  
  
Johnny raised an eyebrow and asked curiously, "Squee? What's wrong with him, other than the fact that he asked me to kill him?"  
  
"That's just it," Shmee answered. "He disobeyed me. I warned him that if he attempted something so stupid, I'd...."  
  
"You'd what?"  
  
"Leave him. Forever. It was only a threat, but it backfired. He didn't listen to me." Shmee explained, looking away, ashamed. "Nevertheless, a threat is a threat, and I stuck to it. I don't belong to Squee anymore."  
  
Johnny raised an eyebrow, skeptical. It had to be a trick of some sort. "Yeah? So then, who do you belong to now? What poor soul did you latch on to, only to suck out his brain and force feed him lies and fear, hm? Do tell; I'm so fucking curious."  
  
Shmee turned to face him, grinning with the al the hatred he could muster being a stuffed bear. He looked Johnny straight in the eye and announced, "Why, you Johnny. I belong to you now."  
  
Johnny stared bewildered, left eye twitching from shock. "You're kidding, right? You must be. It was you who accused me of ever harming the boy. You who threatened me, and on our first meeting; accusing me of being sick....well, that's true in a sense, but you couldn't have honestly just known that right off the bat." He growled low and deep in his throat. "Why the hell would you come to me, you sickening piece of trash?"  
  
Shmee giggled, still grinning at his new 'friend.' "I did it for you, Johnny." He cackled and promptly rolled across the floor in hysterics. Johnny glared.  
  
Shmee quickly stood up, still giggling evilly. He dusted off his teddy bear self and finally responded, "Actually, I thought it fitting to torment the very person who drove me to this. You sick bastard put that gross idea that killing himself would set Squee free of miserable people. It's your fault I'm here, so if that's the way things have turned out, then I'm going to make the most of it." He took a small step forward. "By the time I'm done with you, you'll have actually gone through with killing yourself, instead of wallowing in self pity trying to die."  
  
Johnny stood up in an instant; hands set in fists, clenched teeth, red eyes. His body shook in anger and he felt the uncontrollable urge to tear the toy to pieces. "Shit!! Do you honestly think I need a fucking knife to rip you apart?!? I need only by bare hands and I'll fucking tear your fuzzy little fucking head off!!! Do you understand me!!??  
  
"I put nothing into Squee's head! I never mentioned to him once that he should kill himself to make everyone happy!" Johnny shrieked, raising his hands in the air. "If you're going to blame anyone for what he's doing, you should blame yourself! You're supposed to be the one watching over him, protecting him from those fucking nightmares of his, so you fucking do your job or I'll....I'll...."  
  
Shmee waited. "You'll do what, Scary Neighbor Fuck?"  
  
Johnny closed his eyes and began to rub his temples. *Be calm. Screaming isn't going to get you anywhere. I mean, for Christ's sake, the thing's a toy. A stupid-ass toy. You can't kill him, he lives no matter what....or as long as Squee believes in him....well, fine....if Squee believes him so much, then he can have him back....*  
  
He popped open his eyes in realization of the thought. "I'm going to give you back. That's what I'm going to do. I'll give you back."  
  
Shmee thought a moment. "Is that what you're going to do? Have you thought about how? I'm not going to go willingly; I promised I'd leave him and I did. He'll just have to accept it."  
  
Johnny raised his hand to silence the bear. "Shut up. He won't have to accept anything. Without him, you wouldn't even exist."  
  
Shmee grimaced and replied with a hint of nervousness in his voice, "What are you getting at...? He found the answer to his question lying on Johnny's face in the form of a cruel smile. A rush of heat fell over his stuffed body, and he, oddly enough, gulped something down.  
  
"If he stops believing in you, you cease to exists." Johnny squealed in delight. "You'd be gone, disappeared into a puff of smoke, leaving only that ratty body of yours. Where would the little tyke be then? No savior? No one to share in and absorb his nightmares?"  
  
Shmee growled.  
  
"He'd be eaten alive by his own fears. He'd be as dead as you. Oh, don't relish the thought too much, teddy." the thing man sneered. "Face it, without him, you're dead. Think ahead next time. I'd hate to not be around when you do something stupid again."  
  
"So what?" Shmee tried to retaliate. "How would you get him to stop believing in me? Hypnosis I suppose?" It was Shmee's turn to laugh this time. "Ha! I'd love to see you try, and fail. Face it Johnny. I'm stuck with you until the second you die, and hopefully I wont have to wait long."  
  
Johnny's smile never faded. "Not exactly. I wouldn't have to do anything really. Just bring his old friend and let you do the rest. I don't think it would be all that hard when he tries to speak to you as always and you say nothing. Forget about that? Silly fucking bear..."  
  
"It's a bluff."  
  
"I must admit, you're quite the actor," Johnny commented, sighing, that mean smile still spread across his face. "Acting as if you don't care about him. But I know you do. I know. You've protected him so many damn times, that to just give up on him now is pure stupidity. Good acting."  
  
Shmee began to itch. "I'm not the only one. However, its easier to see through your type of fake than anyone else's. At least I'll admit to caring for Squee."  
  
A rush of anger shuddered its way up Johnny's spine. Enough. He'd had enough. But the fucking thing just didn't know when to shut up. What could he do? Squee wouldn't come home for at least a few more hours. He'd have to wait. He glanced at the grinning teddy, and quickly screamed.  
  
~~~  
  
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Squee groaned, nearly falling down the steps of his house. So many thoughts, so many times today. All day long they had tormented him, eating away at him, sucking away at his soul. What the hell had he been thinking, trying to get Johnny to kill him like that? Ugh, that was so freaking stupid.  
  
He glanced over at his neighbor's house. For some reason, it appeared so much more dark and empty; so cold. He wanted to be brave. He wanted to march right over there and apologize to Johnny for that little misunderstanding earlier. However....  
  
However, he couldn't do it. All that bravery he had held this morning in the palm of his hand had vanished. The fear as back yet again, dripping down his forehead, stuck in his throat, tearing up in his large eyes. For a moment, he almost wished the house would eat itself right there in front of him.  
  
But then, Johnny would be gobbled up too. Shaking his head in defeat, he sighed heavily and opened the door to his home.  
  
"Mommy. Daddy. I'm home." Squee uttered, closing the door behind him. It creaked shut, and that was the only sound made in the house. He waited for the irritated reply of his father or some dosed-up moan from his mother. Anything to prove that he wasn't alone.  
  
The floor creaked slowly, its moan suppressed by the silence. Other than that, the house was dead.  
  
Squee gulped down the fear, and began to head up the stairs. Once he got to Shmee, everything would be fine; he wouldn't have to be afraid anymore. Shmee knew just how to calm him down, and then they would venture down the steps in search of Squee's parents.  
  
*These stairs are awfully big today.* the child thought, finally reaching the top. He gasped for a lost breath and stood there for a minute or two, waiting....waiting for something....For some reason, he felt that was the only thing he could do. Just....well, stand there.  
  
*I don't hear Shmee* he suddenly realized, glancing down the hallway to his bedroom. *But...but...I-I normally hear him laughing or talking to himself. Why isn't he.....Shmee.....*  
  
Effortlessly, he sped down the hall, skidding almost passed his own bedroom door. He ran in, and immediately jumped onto his bed. Shmee! Where had he gone ? He had to be around there somewhere! He couldn't have just gotten up and walked off. That was...that was...  
  
Squee thought back to last night, early last night, when Shmee had gone into Johnny's house all on his own. Did he go back? Why? Why would he? He hated Johnny; he always plotted against him, wanted to set him aflame. Why would Shmee ever even think of going into that house?  
  
"If you ever, EVER go near him again, I won't be here to help you anymore."  
  
Squee sat up, staring blankly at his wall, smothered with bright happy faces, smiling neatly back at him, mocking him. "Shmee..." he managed to utter.  
  
He knew. Shmee was gone. He kept by his word and left, leaving Squee all alone.  
  
It was his fault. Tears swelled up in his eyes; not tears of fear, but tears of sadness. He had done what Shmee had warned him not to, and for that, his friend had gone. And he wouldn't be coming back.  
  
"No, no, he-he didn't...." his voice was on the verge of sobs, and he rushed out of his room, down the stairs. "He-he didn't go. Shmee's juh-just playing a game is all. He has to be. I know he wouldn't really leave me."  
  
He stopped dead in his tracks. His running had led him to the kitchen, and never had he wanted to scream so much. His heart almost stopped in chest; his mind lost all thought; he could barely comprehend the sight he was now seeing. A cold shiver ran up his spine.  
  
"Muh-Mommy...." he whispered.  
  
There sat in the middle of the table, a head, with an eye missing, the face frozen in unspeakable horror. A pair of arms hung limply from over the ceiling fan, and two pairs of torso lay entwined, if that were possible, on the floor just ahead of him. In the kitchen, lying in several bits and pieces, lay the corpses of his beloved parents.  
  
~~~  
  
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A/N: Yes, after years of writer's block, I wrote again, due to the popular demand of people who are really freaking cool. I owe you guys. Linkin Park also helped me get my groove back. Props to "My December."  
  
Thanks to: EscapedManiac911(IBIWD911) (Did I get that right?), Cyanide-Rat, Jessy Antichrist, NnysGirl, Kitty-N3, Kitsune., Lito Kid Skullington, PoisonTears, bittersweet saturn, Deadaliveheavenhell, anonymoose, EscapedManiac911, Tandy.  
  
I don't think I missed anyone, but if I did, then I'm sorry and I thank you too.  
  
Reviewers fucking rock. 


	8. Something To BelieveIn

If only I Could Dream  
  
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Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Jhonen Vasquez.  
  
A/N: Where's my morphine?!!!  
  
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Chapter 7: Something To Believe in  
  
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"So this is what you do all day, is it?" Shmee sneered. "You sit on your ass. I knew it. You're only out at night, huh? Does the word Vampire RPGer mean anything to you? You seem to take the role seriously."  
  
Johnny didn't even bother moving his head towards him. He just sat there in the couch, staring at the blank TV, wondering if this was one of those rare moments he could actually get away with killing himself without being sidetracked. "Shut up. You're even more annoying and absurd than Meat." He paused momentarily before speaking again. "Speaking of which, where is the little bastard?"  
  
Shmee giggled. "I sent him down into the basement. He was getting a little ignorant." He made an odd gesture with his stuffed arm, lowering it with every sound he made, "thump, thump, thump, all the way down....then crash. I don't think you'll be having anymore problems with him. I think a thank you is in order." Another giggle.  
  
"Yes, replacing one viciously disgusting figment with another. I hate you." Johnny answered, leaning forward. He rested his jaw on his hand, elbow resting on his knee. A soft sigh escaped his lips. "When does Squee get home? I would like to get rid of you as soon as possible. Ech, just looking at you makes me want to vomit air."  
  
"Likewise," the bear answered. "And for your rude information, he should be home by now, though he could be doddling around school to avoid the bullies." He snorted, and sat on the couch beside the thin man. "What makes you care about him anyway? For Christ's sake, you know he's afraid of you and then you parade around his house acting as if you can help him with all his woes and such. You sicko....  
  
Johnny merely blinked at the TV.  
  
"You're a pedophile, aren't you?!" Shmee squealed, jumping from the couch cushion in an instant. "HA! You deranged psychotic fool! I was onto you all along! That's what makes you so gross!"  
  
Johnny blinked again. What was that ratty toy ranting about? He shrugged absently. Who cared? The damned thing was just a fucking nuisance, one that Johnny would be rid of soon enough. He wouldn't be able to destroy the little freak the way he had always intended, but at least it would be out of his house, and that was all that really mattered.  
  
For the moment, he only thought of....he blinked again, but only out of confusion. What the hell had he been thinking about? *Fuck* he thought, slumping in his seat. *Fucking bear. Now all I can think about is killing a pedophile.* He sighed. Now it was going to drive him insane. What was that thought that tore at his mind, muffling all others, before Shmee had interrupted?  
  
Squee. He was thinking of Squee.  
  
He had come so close to actually killing him, again. How many times was that? Too many. He didn't want to hurt Squee, and just when he thought he wouldn't, the boy had summoned up the courage to actually venture to his maniac neighbor's house and offer his life. That did not settle well with Johnny; no, it did not. He felt his stomach twist and turn at the thought.  
  
Was this to be his coldness? Killing the only innocent child in the neighborhood? Possibly the world? His cheeks went a sickly green color, and he thought he would throw up for a minute. Suddenly, a thought grazed his mind, taking away from the sickness of his stomach. A realization. He was beginning to have a lot of those since he returned, but this.....this just seemed much more important. It was as if a brick had hit him brutally in the head and he was seeing the blood of his idea in his own hand, falling from his fingers, soaked up in the ground.  
  
"Suddenly, I'm not sure I want to be cold anymore." He said aloud. "God, just looking at Mr. Samsa, and seeing him truly live as I wished to live; it gave me a goal, something to hold on to, leading me to the perfection so many seek but none ever find. How close I was to gaining that inhuman perfection."  
  
Shmee stared at him. "What the fuck-"  
  
"But Samsa never had to take away innocence to achieve that strive to survive. He never had to kill some neglected child with humongous, bright, humongous, future-holding...humongous....eh, eyes. Who held in his possession a fucking demon bear." He growled the last few words, the object of his hatred grinning back up at him.  
  
Shmee stared, still grinning. "Who the hell is Samsa? Another voice? You really are sick, you know that, Nny?"  
  
Johnny glared. "You have no right to call me that, you slimy decayed portion of flea-bitten road trash. I am Johnny to you." He suddenly turned his head towards the window facing Squee's house. "I think its time to visit Squee."  
  
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Squee couldn't manage a scream. He couldn't run, couldn't even cry. He could barely manage a blink. The sight had trampled its way into his mind, freezing him from the inside out.  
  
Blood. Oh God, there was so much blood. Okay, maybe not as much as there had been in Johnny's basement., but there was still a hell of a lot, staining his kitchen floor. The bodies lying around limply, beckoning him to move closer so that he could give positive identification that they were in fact the limbs and torsos of his parents.  
  
But he already knew. He knew that they were his own parental units. Murdered...or rather slaughtered. Yes, that was a much better description of what had taken place in his home. But who....  
  
His gaze shot over, through the wall, above the fence, though the wood. Johnny. Johnny had done this...? He blinked, actually turning to face the wall. But, he wouldn't. He would never hurt Squee's parents, would he? His memories traveled back to the moment when Johnny had smacked his dad in the head with a toy, just before he had left sometime ago.  
  
Squee had gotten blamed for that one, but his father had had such a migraine that his punishment was forgotten.  
  
He had never told anyone, not even Shmee, how delighted he was that Johnny had committed such an act on his dad. He didn't have to hear about how much of a mistake and a burden he was to his parents. He didn't have to feel bad that night. The child had almost thanked the maniac before he wandered away for his holiday.  
  
Too late now.  
  
He almost turned back to the disgusting mass of flesh lying in his kitchen, but stopped his body. He didn't want o see it anymore. He didn't want to accept that they were gone; he didn't want to believe that Johnny had gone so far as to kill them.  
  
Dead dead dead dead. The words repeated in his mind, over and over again. The images flashed, repeating what he had just seen; unleashing feelings he didn't need to feel for a second time. A lump lodged itself in his throat, slowing his breath, making him dizzy. The tears swelled in his large eyes, and he finally managed to move.  
  
With lightening speed, Squee skidded across the carpet, sweating fear. He had to get away. He didn't want to see it again. He didn't want to feel the hands of death upon his body; the breath of murder against his face; he didn't want to have to plague his child eyes with such a sight.  
  
With a sob and teary eyes, he flung open the door with all his might - it slowly creaked open to the point where he could barely manage to squeeze through - and plopped onto the mat in front of his house. Sobs and screams of sadness beat down on him; his body shook and trembled violently. They were dead. Dear God, they were dead; Goddamn it, they were dead! More cries escaped his body. He was alone.  
  
Where would he go now? There was no place for him. And worst of all, Shmee was gone. They were all gone: his parents, his best friend, his life. Destroyed in the moments it took for them to die; to suffer in the worst torment then die.  
  
He cast his gaze to the neighboring house. It was him. It had to have been. That skinny maniac.....he'd killed his family; he took all that the boy had had left. It was his fault, it was all his fault.  
  
No. This wasn't happening. Whatever happened wasn't Johnny's fault. He would never do that to Squee. Hell, he'd saved the kid's life more times than he could count. Something wasn't right with Johnny; anyone could see it, from a mile away. If it was in fact Johnny, then it couldn't be his fault.  
  
No, Squee wouldn't believe it.  
  
"Excuse me. Are you okay?"  
  
An angelic voice; too beautiful to be real, Squee decide. Part of him didn't dare to look, afraid that the radiance of this angel's voice would be even more apparent in her beauty. However....he bit his lip. It would be rude not to acknowledge her wonderful presence.  
  
Carefully, tears still rushing from his eyes, he turned his head to face her.  
  
The woman bent down to his eye level. *She's not an angel,* Squee noted, observing her appearance. The dark clothing, that hair, eyes outlined by a two large combined rings of red and black. Sleep. She needed lots of sleep. *But she's pretty.*  
  
Squee stared, still gasping out in sobs. Words pushed up his throat, but he was unable to release them from his lips. Instead, they sat on the edge of tongue, waiting for him to open his mouth wide enough for an escape.  
  
The woman tried to smile; Squee could see it was forced. "Why...why are you crying? Are you okay? Do you need help?"  
  
Squee dumbly nodded, before he was finally able to answer, "They-they're dead....they got killed. They got killed." That said, he burst into tears once again, never letting his cheeks dry with old ones.  
  
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Devi's smile faded. Her lips became thin and tight, her eyes narrowed in frustration. Killed? Killed by whom? And who was it that had been killed. She stood up and at the front door, part way open. The stench of death flowed triumphantly between the world of this home and her own reality. Whatever had been killed was actually in there.  
  
She didn't know why, but this death beckoned her inside, to come across the mess that lay within. Hesitant, she bent back down to the boy and tried to sound as sweet and gently as she could. "Muh-My name's Devi, okay? I'm gonna go inside real quick, just to see. Wait here."  
  
"No!" the boy squealed in horror. He latched onto her skinny form, hoping that his refusal to release her from his small grasp would destroy any more thoughts of her entering the house. He didn't want her to feel the sadness rampaging along the carpets in a trail of blood. "Please, you can't! You can't! They're dead! There's so much blood! Please don't leave me!!"  
  
Devi blinked. If someone was actually dead in there, then the police would have to be notified, but supposing this 'dead' thing was only a pet. Perhaps the dog had merely torn apart the cat? She knew, what was a lot of blood to one person may not be a lot to another. To a child, a paper cut could be sufficient enough for a trip to the hospital.  
  
She had to see this mess for herself.  
  
"Just stay here," she informed the boy, gently tearing him from her body. "I'll only be a minute....er....."  
  
"Todd," he answered, still choking on his own cries. "I-I'm Tuh-tuh-Todd. But you can't go! You can't go in there! Please don't leave me alone!"  
  
Devi sighed. She had to see, but if he didn't want to be alone, then she would have to take him with. With ease, she picked up the tiny child and held him against her shoulder. His face buried in her neck, she tried to calm him down. "Todd, everything will be okay. This will only take a minute."  
  
*God, this is like most dates I've been on: Crying and wailing and death and me having to baby someone.* She gulped suddenly. *Or someone trying to kill me*  
  
The door creaked open, fully this time, unleashing light into the darkened house. It seemed empty and hollow, as if the very house had died. Devi gulped something down an took an endless step inside, with the young Squee shivering in her arms. She did her best to comfort him the best she could, but children were never her deal, especially crying ones.  
  
Her mind told her to stop right there and turn back around to the light. Her heart jumped from beat to beat; the thumping of rabbit's feet against the ground as it ran from a frightening predator. The voice inside her mind was screaming and swirling, causing her to falter in her steps and she almost fell.  
  
Devi was quick to catch her step, holding firmly to Squee. Cautiously, the young woman stepped passed the living room towards the kitchen. It was that moment that Squee screamed into her neck and grasped tightly to her shirt.  
  
"Oh my God. Oh my fucking God." Devi wanted to scream as well, and she did. The sight was horrific. So much blood (repetition repetition repetition). So familiar...so frightening. "OH MY FUCKING GOD!! HOLY SHIT!"  
  
~~~  
  
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Johnny scratched his head. "Did you hear something?" He glanced at the teddy in his hand, his own fingers tightly wrapped around the toy's neck. "I could've sworn I heard screaming from Squee's house..."  
  
Shmee sneered back at him, "He knows you're coming. I'd be scared too if I knew that someone as fucked up as you were coming to my house for a nice chat with every intention of slaughtering me. Or rather....perhaps he has found...."  
  
Johnny raised an eyebrow suspiciously, closing the door to his house. "Found what? What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
Shmee giggled. "Nothing. Nothing in particular. Just thinking out loud, Nny."  
  
Johnny grimaced. How he hated that fucking bear. *Oh well. Just drop the damn thing off to Squee and I'll be rid of him. Then, I'll just lock myself up in the house and never have to look upon that little fucking antichrist wannabe.*  
  
Sighing in both relief and exhaustion, he headed across the grass between the two houses, trying to whistle a happy little tune he'd heard somewhere; a memory of happier times, times he could quite place, but knew existed. Yech. Thinking about those forgotten memories filled him with a deep depression.  
  
Angst. Angst. Fucking angst.  
  
"Did you notice the door's open?"  
  
Johnny stopped dead. Shmee was right. The fucking bear was right. The front lay ajar, stiff and unmoving, creaking its sad melody despite the lack of movement. The man bit his lip. He knew just how paranoid the neighborhood could be, and not a single household was ever foolish enough to leave their doors open to the rest of the demon world. No one alive was to be trusted, let alone their fellow neighbors (though they never seemed to take notice of his activities).  
  
Nervous because of this fact, he pulled the large butcher from the side of his pants and held it out defensively and entered. The house was dead silent....save for the soft whimpers coming from up the stairs. Johnny supposed it was Squee. Now was his chance to deliver the toy and leave to the confines of his happy little home.  
  
Exhaling a breath eating at his lungs, he placed a booted foot on the first step, suddenly stopping. That smell....that disgusting reek of familiarity that churned in his stomach and almost forced everything vital within him, up.  
  
Tossing Shmee aside with a soft thud, he removed himself from the staircase and headed towards the kitchen, where the smell was born.  
  
Where others had screamed and sobbed and cried, Johnny C. only growled, his insides on fire with rage and disgust. It wasn't as if he had never seen such a thing before in his life or what he could remember of it, God knows; it was the fact that someone had gotten to the kid's family before he could. And the 'he' or 'she' killer had the audacity to strike before Squee could even think of fending for himself. Johnny himself had vowed to kill off the sick fucks once Squee had turned a good sixteen years old and not a second earlier.  
  
"Fuck...," he whipped around. There was no doubt in his mind that Squee had seen it, and had run up to his room in absolute fear. He couldn't blame the little tyke. Anger flooding his mind, he growled again and grabbed Shmee from off the floor.  
  
First he would give Squee back his friend, then he would gut the sick bastard who had done this.  
  
Shmee laughed shrilly. "Surprised, Johnny C.? Yesss....you are, aren't you?" the stuffed bear hissed softly like a cobra. Johnny rolled his eyes.  
  
"This is the surprise you were talking about, wasn't it?" Johnny snapped, climbing the stairs. "You knew it all along. I'm willing to bet you were the one who did such a thing. I mean, you were always filling his head with shit. Thank God he's got better sense to listen to something as worm-filled as you. You killed his parents, for what? As punishment? For disobeying you and visiting me with only the intention to die at the hands of the insane?! Is that it!?!"  
  
"I think not." Shmee responded. He and Johnny had reached the top of the stairs, but the psycho stood there, staring daggers at him. "I am here to rid him of shit such as this. I soak up all of his fears, and this is one of them. Why would I stuff him with the very fears I seek to take from him? I want him to be afraid as much as I want you to adopt him and tell him more of those stories you used to scare him with, you delusional fool!"  
  
Johnny rubbed his forehead with the back of his knife-wielding hand. "Squee loves my stories. I teach him. You only shelter him. What will he be like in ten years when you're nothing more than a memory and he can't lose the fears and hate, hm? He'll be just like me, I bet. Just like me. Almost an exact replica of murder, hate, and ridicule. And it'll be all your fault because he won't know what to do with those emotions, so he'll unleash them upon others, and hurt them in ways you could never imagine."  
  
Shmee said nothing more and Johnny smile in victory. "Fucking bear."  
  
*Fucking human.*  
  
Johnny shrugged the whole conversation and obliged himself to enter the boy's room. The whimpering had grown louder, yet the room itself was vacant. The curtains had been drawn shut and the light had been broken.  
  
"Squee?" Johnny had gone through enough murders and such to know exactly where to look and how to listen. He also knew that most victims always hid in the closet. He thought this to be funny. For Christ's sake, they might as well hang a sign outside the closet doors or over the bed stating, "I'm hiding here. Please find me and kill me."  
  
With exaggerated gentleness (meaning, he meant to be gentle, but used more strength than actually intended), he flung open the closet door, knife still in hand, staring down upon the figures sitting in the closet, clutching each other for dear life.  
  
Johnny's only focus was Squee, and he paid no mind to the other. "Squee, I came to give this back...to...you...."His jaw fell as did the bear. He couldn't let go of the knife. Force of habit.  
  
The other creature in the closet was in the same state. Her mouth was wide open, her body shaking, the whimpers replaced by attempts at screaming. All she could do was sit there in the dark depths of the closet, her eyes so wide they had begun t hurt and itch painfully; that didn't help her to blink.  
  
Johnny, however, did. It was only from disbelief that he had managed. This angel, his angel....twice in two days. The two days that were an eternity. She had come back to him. They were meant to be together in a beautiful unity that would destroy the cosmos, forever. They were meant for one another. She came back.  
  
Breathless, he whispered, "Devi....  
  
Devi blinked. A hush fell over the house, and the three remained unmoving. There was a beauty in the silence, indescribable and glowing. At least for one. For another...  
  
"OH FUCK!!" Devi D. wailed in absolute dread, and by complete instinct, planted her foot straight into Johnny C.'s crotch.  
  
~~~  
  
~~~  
  
~~~  
  
A/N: The end of that chapter. Yay! Or whatever....anyhow, I felt kind of rushed doing this chapter; I just really wanted to get it out, and it was so much fun to write regardless of how shitty it turned out to be. Plus, I want to get started on the next chapter, which contains a scene I planned from, well, pretty much the very start of the whole idea of the story. I've been waiting forever to get to the right part to write it. So, here goes nothing.... 


	9. Watch Me As I Fall

If Only I Could Dream  
  
~  
  
~ Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Jhonen Vasquez.  
  
A/N: Guess what? We're almost to the end.  
  
~  
  
~  
  
~  
  
Chapter 8: Watch me As I Fall  
  
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~~~@  
  
Never in his entire life had Johnny experienced such horrifying pain. The pupils of his eyes had contracted to a small size, like two tiny ants; and he stood there for a moment, floating in a way. He swayed incoherently, legs ready to give out on him.  
  
With the last of any control he held, he finally managed to mouth something that looked like, "Devi." However, what came out was, "eeeeeech...."Then he fell, flat on his face, hands clutching his bruised groin. His body jolted in convulsions and his eyes twitched maniacally, the brutal thrashing of pain ever present on his face and in his pupils, screaming out for help, in silence.  
  
Devi sat there in the closet, holding Squee tightly in her arms. Hm....he was really small. Like a cheeseburger or something.....when was the last time she had had a cheeseburger, or any type of fast food of some sort? This thought crossed her mind, and she quickly blinked it away, shaking her head at her own ignorance.  
  
It had just been an accident; she hadn't meant to hit him there. She hadn't meant to hit him at all. She really just wanted to scream, but then that fist of hers just shot out on its own, as if magnetically drawn to Johnny's crotch. It was an accident....but...if it provided a necessary distraction, then she and this kid could get away.  
  
Johnny spasmed on the floor, and Devi made her move. She held Squee up against her chest, and gracefully stepped over the skinny man's form. Maybe gracefully wasn't the word. It was more of a jump, resulting in a little more than a loud crash into Squee's dresser.  
  
Junk piled down on the two, raining upon them like cats and dogs, nailing them. Both Devi and Squee screamed, Devi in pain and fear, and Squee only from the latter, but the moment was short and Devi found herself scrambling out of the room with the small child in hand.  
  
She skidded to a stop in front of the staircase, breath racing and placed Squee gently on the floor, where she crouched down a moment later. Her hands fell upon his shoulders and she stared at him intensely, almost losing herself in those enormous eyes of his. "Todd, you need to get out of here as soon as possible. I want you to run to the house next door, understand? I'm going to stay here and see if I can't stop that psycho long enough for you to get away."  
  
Squee bit his lip. "But, that's Johnny. Johnny's-"  
  
Devi raised an eyebrow. "How do you know Johnny? Nevermind, just hurry up and run before he kills us!" She attempted to give the boy a light tap to get him moving, but he swung around again to face, innocence dripping off of him like some cheap cologne.  
  
"But, the people in the house next door are gone on vacation and I can't go into the other one," he squealed in panic. From his room, they could hear a loud grunt and the sound of someone attempting to stand up. "The dead people are there. If I go in there, he'll kill me!"  
  
Devi stared, shock all too noticeable on her face. "What? What's the house number next door, Todd? Hurry up, before he kills us NOW."  
  
"777."  
  
The numbers burned their way into her brain, and a peculiar sizzling noise could be heard in the far reaches of her mind. She blinked mindlessly, not looking at anything in particular, but rather staring in the way a child stares when an officer is hauling away their poor mommy and/or daddy.  
  
"777," she repeated. It was almost like a new word with the way she said it. "Johnny's house...."There as another awkward moment; Squee was tempted to tap her shoulder and make sure she was still coherent, but refrained and instead made good use of the moment to see just how far Johnny had gotten out of his room. At the moment, it was only his hand on the doorframe and he still couldn't seem to say anything other than an occasional grunt.  
  
In fact, Johnny didn't appear to be moving at all, but just supporting himself on the frame of the door.  
  
Devi shook her head, suddenly snapping out of her momentary funk. She glanced over Squee's head to where the kid himself was looking and finally replied, "Okay, don't worry about it. Just...just run to another part of the house. Run to a closet and hide there as fast as possible. Do it. Your life depends on it."  
  
Squee nodded and bolted down the stairs, turning the corner and racing out of sight. Devi smiled. He really was a cute kid....maybe too cute. Those cute kids always seemed to get one into one giant mess of trouble. For God's sake, she was already risking her life to let him flee....what the hell was wrong with her?  
  
Johnny moved slowly from the room, head lowered, eyes slitted, face dark and hideous in the dim lighting. He glared at Devi, his white teeth gleaming at her from a growling mouth. He stared at her with all the wrath of hell and a cruel voice spilled out from between his lips.  
  
"I'm going to fucking kill you, Devi D.," the words split her ears. "I'm going to carve you up like a Thanksgiving turkey and drench the ground in your disgusting bitch blood. And then I'm going to make little Squee mop it up with his stupid fucking bear." Johnny grinned, head still lowered. "And you know what's going to happen after that, my dearest Devi?"  
  
Devi bit her lip, tears swelling up in her fear-filled eyes. "Oh my God...."  
  
"I'm going to kill him. I'm going to tear him to fucking pieces; rip him apart like so many assholes have been in the past." Johnny declared, pulling his knife into view. "And then the Johnny you knew will be dead! That fucking moron you talked to so many times at the bookstore and on that date of yours will be as dead those two fuckers downstairs! No more will I have to listen to his mindless little ravings on life and death, or feel his pathetic heart thump whenever you enter his mind! No more guilt, no more thirsting for companionship, and no more love for you, Devi D.!!"  
  
The woman screamed, watching as he raced for her, knife drawn. She waited to die.  
  
~~~  
  
~~~  
  
~~~  
  
Now, what had happened before Johnny had stomped out from young Squee's bedroom was a slur of thoughts in Johnny's little misbegotten mind, mostly about how much his crotch hurt. He paid no attention to the fact that Devi and Squee had leapt over him, quite victorious, however pathetic, because at the time, he was unable to think at all.  
  
He squirmed around a bit, noticing his fallen weapon within arm's reach, but didn't care enough to grab it. He could only look back on what had happened and wonder why he had let it. *Oh holy FUCK!! Oh my fucking....argh!! Devi, Devi, Devi, why? Because she hates me that's why....but fuck that hurt!!!  
  
What occurred then was completely short of what Johnny would've considered fair. It returned, speaking to him, when he had no way of defending himself against it. He held no control.  
  
*Johnny* the voice cooed. *Quite this little game of theirs. Think of it, you and I...as one total embodiment. We could be unstoppable. The killing we could do, the suffering we could inflict, all without thought or regret.*  
  
"You mean....without reason...?" Johnny groaned, still feeling the impact of Devi's fist against him.  
  
The voice seemed somewhat irritated by this comment. *I'm going to give you one last chance. If you don't take the boy's life willingly, then I'll do it for you. I'm not going to let a little wuss like you fuck this up for me. I've been waiting so long to get free....too long.*  
  
Johnny felt that strangulating hold once more. He gasped for air, choking and thrashing, but it did no good. "Stop it!" he rasped, as his arm unwillingly began to reach for the knife nearby. He blinked and quickly kicked the utensil aside, watching as it slide underneath Squee's bed. "I am...not going to....to let you hur-hurt him!!"he screamed, trying to make it to the door on his stomach.  
  
He managed to stand, but only for a moment, because he slipped on one of the fallen trinkets from Squee's dresser. The thin man knocked his jaw against the floor, and remained in his injured position, stunned. It took that one moment for the other to strangle him further, and Johnny fell into blackness.  
  
~~~  
  
A/N: Now, back to the hallway, with our friends, Johnny C. and Devi D.  
  
~~~  
  
"So, what do ya say, my dearest Devi?" Johnny snickered, edging closer to her. "Why not just stand still for me? Make it easy on the both of us, you most of all. Do you really want to die panting, stinking of sweat, with that make-up dripping down your pretty face?" He advanced closer still, waving the blade in front of her like a tempting piece of chocolate to a child.  
  
Devi shook her head, eyes wide with fear. "You're insane, Johnny....juh-just stay the hell away from me, and that kid. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but just fucking stay away!" She grabbed the edge of the staircase railing, readying herself to run when the opportunity presented itself.  
  
Johnny seemed to notice, as he glanced down at her moving hand, and, without moving his head, looked back into her eyes. He stared at her skeptically, as if she were the stupidest being in existence, and chuckled lowly. "Devi, come now. You don't honestly think you can outrun me, do you?" He laughed again, his cold, girl-like giggle running a course up Devi's spine and she unconsciously shuddered. "I'm not the same Johnny you once knew. I'm smarter, stronger, and above all, better than what you had come to know about that horrid little creature. There is no longer Johnny, Devi. I am JOHNNY."  
  
Devi raised an eyebrow, slightly shaking her head, and trying to figure out exactly what was running through that obviously small brain of his. "What's the fuck is the difference?"  
  
Johnny, or rather JOHNNY, stood perfectly straight, dropping his arms at his sides and shrugged. "Well," he answered in a matter-of-fact voice, "if you were to write it out, it'd be all capitalized letters. Quite a stretch, don't you think?" The emotionless state quickly faded and he resumed his former state with the knife placed outward, waiting to stab.  
  
"Yeah," Devi sarcastically complimented. "Real great, but now that that's been explained, I think its time I left."  
  
JOHNNY grinned. "Whatever for? You've only just arrived." He suddenly hurled himself into the air, knocking into Devi and both bodies went flying down the steps.  
  
The fall seemed like an eternity; every step was another bruise and cut, another snap to add to an awful collection of wounds. Devi felt JOHNNY continuously slam into her on the way down, and waited for the moment the blade would slice into her. The house was a concert of grunts and bangs, until the two made it to the bottom.  
  
Then all was quiet.  
  
Had anyone actually witnessed the incident (other than JOHNNY and Devi) they would tell you that the whole thing would've been laugh out loud hilarious were it not for the fact that likely someone had died in the event. It was true; it looked like something that would happen on SNL or to a much lower extent, Dick Van Dyke, but this was reality. Whatever happened here was real, and it hurt like a bitch.  
  
Devi lay there for a moment, her eyes staring up at the ceiling, which spiraled around her. That was all she could do, as all energy had been temporarily sucked out of her body. She wanted to scan the room to find where JOHNNY had landed, but the ceiling was so captivating, and it felt as if she'd broken her neck.  
  
The sound of soft breathing oozed into her ears like something oozy. She strained to tell where it was coming from, but concentrating only proved more painful. Knowing that if was probably the last person she wanted to be near, she decided it was time to leave.  
  
Devi raised a hand to her head, feeling for a wound, blood, anything. She did not, thankfully, and tried to sit herself up. There was only one tiny problem. She couldn't, the reason being that her greatest fear had come to stop.  
  
JOHNNY lay draped across her chest, his face nuzzled into the start of her neck; arms hanging off of her body, and one of those boots of his crushing her leg. He was bleeding from his forehead and possibly his mouth too, drenching her shirt with the red fluid. He groaned suddenly, jerking his arm to her side, and Devi inhaled.  
  
*Oh my God, what do I do, what do I do....*  
  
JOHNNY seemed to hear her thoughts, and brought his head up, groggily opening his eyes. He stared at her oddly, as if he didn't recognize her in the least. Then it all came back.  
  
She wanted to move; dear God, how she tried, but despite his small size, he proved stronger than one would ever think. He had effectively pinned her with his body, and stared down at her. But it wasn't the stare he used earlier, up the stairs just before forcing her down the steps. It held, this stare of his, the very same innocence she had seen in him the day she met him in the bookstore, and the times after. It was all too apparent now.  
  
He was no longer JOHNNY, but Johnny.  
  
"Devi...I...what am I......doing.....what happened....?"  
  
Devi suddenly managed to push him off and began to crawl towards the door. "Don't you dare come near, you sadistic pile of shit! I don't care if you're Johnny or that other JOHNNY with the capital letters or whatever!"  
  
Johnny cocked an eyebrow. "Wha-?"  
  
Devi glared, fear dripping from her forehead. "Don't even say a fucking word! Stay the hell away from me!"  
  
The innocence from Johnny's eyes suddenly disappeared; she knew who he was now. JOHNNY had taken over again. He licked his lips and stood, blood sliding a path from his forehead and mouth (as she had suspected) and drizzling off of his chin.  
  
"Ah, there we go," he giggled again. "That Johnny of yours is quite a pest. Imagine: escaping me to save your disgusting little life. If only he had said what he had been craving to say to you. 'Oh, Devi. I LOVE you.' Ha! Oh well, such emotions are dismissible. Soon, we...or, I should be saying I, won't have any to worry about."  
  
Devi shivered.  
  
He wiped the some blood away and narrowed his eyes menacingly. "Now, where were we? Oh yes, I remember. I was just getting ready to kill you. Such an amazing pastime, you know. Killing people."  
  
"You killed them, didn't you?" Devi accused, biting her lip. "It was you. You killed them both off...you monster."  
  
"Yesssss......."JOHNNY confessed proudly. "I had to do something while that pitiful boyfriend of yours lay unconscious. I wasn't going to just lie around with him, waiting out the boredom. Waiting for that simpering ass to get up and go on and on with those stupid emotions for as long as those figments would take it. No; I'm not a figment. I'm real; I could do something about it, so I did. Yes, I killed them, and I'll kill you, and then, I'll kill Squee."  
  
"You can't possibly believe that I'm going to let you do that, "Devi replied, still in the midst of wondering what the hell she could ever hope to accomplish. "You couldn't even manage to kill me. What makes you think you can kill him?"  
  
JOHNNY began to laugh, hard. It stared out as a simple chuckling/giggling, but quickly escalated to the point where he had to use the wall for support. Devi stared as he did this, waiting to hear a very audible snapping sound. There was no such thing and JOHNNY finally managed to calm down.  
  
"You can't be serious," he answered, still laughing slightly. "Firstly, I wasn't the one who tried to kill you that night. That was Johnny. You know, the WEAK Johnny. Secondly, Squee is but a mere child. Without you're protection, he's dead. And even if I did allow you to live, there is nothing to save him from me."  
  
There was a long, uncomfortable pause, then JOHNNY began to shift.  
  
"What the hell did I do with that knife?"  
  
Devi rolled her eyes. JOHNNY seemed dumber than Johnny. Still, dumb or not, now was the time to strike. She had to act, for herself, and for Todd.  
  
JOHNNY was still captivated with the search of the knife, and that 's when Devi delivered a hard blow to his face, giving him a mouthful of shoe. The force knocked him back against the stairs, and he slammed his head downward. Blood shot out from his mouth and Devi could now see a very visible cut in the center of his lower lip. It spat up blood, which quickly flowed down his chin and onto his chest.  
  
~~~ ~~~@ ~~~  
  
The nightmare was beginning to come true. Squee could see it now. From the death of his parents to the monster consuming poor Johnny. Johnny who had thrown himself in front of the creature to save him. He knew now that Johnny wasn't there anymore. None of them were. Not his parents, not Shmee, not Johnny, and there was no sign that the Devi lady would make it out of his house alive.  
  
Squee curled up into a small ball in the basement, underneath the stairs. He could hear the ruckus from upstairs: the sound of something falling down the steps, then a small silence that was shortly followed by screaming and yelling and other sounds he didn't want to sort out. The Devi lady was up there, risking her life for him, this young boy.  
  
He couldn't understand why she had done that; he already made so many people miserable. Was he anything worth saving....? He sniffled, wishing with all his heart that Shmee were with him, but knowing the likelihood of the bear still lying on the floor in his room. Besides, Shmee had left him, forever. He had said he would, but Squee hadn't listened and lost the bear for the rest of his life.  
  
He had been crying. He didn't remember when he had started, but when his face had gotten wet with tears, he brought his small hand to the corner of his large eye, coming to realize that was from him; that he was gasping and sobbing uncontrollable.  
  
He noticed it was silent. The whole house had become dead; the two people upstairs were silent, unmoving, as if they were no longer there. Perhaps they weren't. Was it safe? Should he leave? Every thought in his brain told him no, even his stomach betrayed him. All of his body and mind said no....but he had to see. It couldn't be helped.  
  
Squee wiped his nose on the sleeve of his shirt and began to head up the basement stairs, hearing every wooden step creak in protest. They screamed at him, warnings and such; still he didn't listen. He had to see if Devi was okay...maybe she killed Johnny......maybe Johnny killed her....maybe they killed one another.  
  
He was at the door, hand on the knob. His stomach growled angrily for being ignored, but Squee continued to pay it no mind. Curiosity had gotten the best of him, holding his hand as he turned the knob.  
  
~~~@  
  
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A/N: Only a couple more chapters. Are you excited.....? Yeah, Devi's OC. At least I think so, maybe Squee too. But oh well. That's that. You get?  
  
Oh yeah, Evil Johnny has a name now. Now we can visually tell the difference. Yay!! 


	10. When Worlds Collide

If Only I Could Dream

A/N: This is the shortest chapter in the whole thing. Hopefully, it'll all be wrapped up in a measly two more chapters, then we can all frolic and play and read the sequel....yes...there's a sequel....shut up.....it was the pen's idea.....  
  
I'm done now. 

When Worlds Collide

Johnny sat up.  
  
The world around him was an amazing blur of....black. It was a smoky black, drawing pictures and images all around, tearing through the air like a hot knife. He shuddered, suddenly feeling very cold and very alone.  
  
"So this is inside me....?" he asked to no one but himself, starting to realize where he was. "I can't say I'm surprised in the least. I mean, I always knew that my insides couldn't have been much to look at, but I thought there'd at least be some kind of décor. Maybe some kind of monster roaming about, lurking and slithering, waiting to tear the flesh from my skin...."  
  
He sighed. "Oh well. Maybe that's best...Dammit. I just wish I had at least gotten the chance to tell Devi...." A while after he had been consumed by his obviously darker side (how the hell was that possible?), the creature returned, and Johnny was quick to take his place and return to his physical form.  
  
God, she was beautiful, even when she was scared. Those eyes....they were so beautiful. Of course, he couldn't say that he had been all that coherent when he had awoken back in reality, opening his eyes to realize that he was on top of her, bleeding and all. It scared him at first; he thought that maybe he had done something to her, maybe raped her, but they still had their clothes on and the bruises and cuts suggested that even if he had tried, he wasn't able to do much to her.  
  
She feared him and that old feeling of hurt against his heart returned. He hated to see her like that. He hated to see her in such a great deal of pain. And he was the cause of it all. The words began to flow up his throat; he was ready to tell her what he had wanted to say for so long....and then, the monster returned.  
  
That being he suddenly recognized, though he was not aware as to how, as JOHNNY took over. It had yanked him by his spiritual leg and tossed him into darkness, then quickly took his place.  
  
Now, yet again, he was locked up inside his own head, shrouded in black, colder than ever. He could hear almost everything that was taking place and every now and then, there would be small images on what was occurring on the outside. However, he could not see what was happening now.  
  
"Fuck it all..." he quietly spat, sitting himself down again. JOHNNY hadn't even killed Squee yet and already Johnny had lost control. Could it be that all the trying to lose emotions had driven him into further insanity? He had split himself into two souls in one body? He threw his head back, groaning in frustration. "What the FUCK am I doing?"  
  
Suddenly, everything was twice as confusing as it had been before.

_Your friend thought he could fight too.....  
  
You friend thought he could fight...  
  
...Thought he could fight...  
  
...Fight..._ _  
  
_  
**_Your friend though he could fight too...._**

**__**  
  
_What do I do.....? Is this just a figment of my imagination.....or maybe.....maybe....no, its real. Real like Sickness. But I fought back against her.....Johnny tried to fight.....something. He tried to fight himself....he failed. If -if he can't save himself...couldn't fight back.....then what chance do I have.....god. All of its real... But that's not Johnny.  
  
Johnny's gone...gone...._  
  
Devi shrunk back from JOHNNY, who had swiftly raised another knife he had fished out from...somewhere; she noticed he had a strange habit of doing that. No, she compared it to the strange habit that Johnny had had. HAD. Even she could tell he wasn't there any longer. There was a shifting of personality. This guy had no 'down time.' No calm, thoughtful insight. Johnny did.  
  
_Nny_... her mind whispered before she could think to stop it.  
  
They were out of the house, but barely. Really, the two of them were out on the small concrete path leading towards the street from the front door, slowly but surely.  
  
Devi whimpered, "What the hell are you doing? What have you done with Johnny?" She braced herself to turn and run at any moment possible...but the kid....what the hell would she do about the kid?  
  
JOHNNY grinned sadistically, face dark. "Why, Johnny's gone, dearest Devi. I'm sorry. He didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. How...unfortunate." He continued advancing towards her, leisurely, wanting to burn the weapon through her flesh like a searing knife through butter.  
  
"Oh, if only they could see you now, Ms. D." JOHNNY rambled, his mouth stretching into an unspeakable, leering smile of a clown. "All those souls you trampled on. They were never good enough for you, were they? Running on nothing short of idiocy, these pathetic beasts attempted to gain your interest. But that wasn't good enough for you was it? And then along came Johnny, strolling into that fucking bookstore as if he was oblivious to the evident demise that you would concoct and destroy him with. He was nice, he was normal, and he was pathetic. That's why you chose him, wasn't it, Devi...."  
  
Devi grabbed at her temples, fear taking over. "No...no, its not true!! I-I liked Johnny! I really did! He was wonderful; he was charming; he was absolutely great..... He was! That's why I chose him!!! I wanted to be with him!!!"  
  
What was going on here? All she had wanted was to find a goddamn phone so that she could try to reach Tenna again, and all of a sudden, she had stumbled onto this poor child and his raving maniac neighbor who wanted nothing more than to kill them off. Why God? Why do you mock me...?  
  
JOHNNY cocked his head to the side, still grinning, his left brow raised in mock question. "Is that so....? Interesting...It seems that perhaps I was wrong....Could I have been wrong....? Yessssss, maybe... It may not be the young child that binds Johnny to what remains of his feelings, those ghastly things....nooooo, maybe it is you, Ms. Devi."  
  
Devi gulped audibly. This was not leading anywhere near where she had wanted it to. "Y-you're insane...." was all she had managed to choke out, her voice soft and easily eaten by JOHNNY's contempt-filled laughter.  
  
"Oh my God, you are a smart one, aren't you?" JOHNNY replied, running the edge of his pointed finger against the sharpened blade, gleaming angrily in Devi's eyes. "But then again, brains aren't exactly what you've been using. You may not be as smart as he gives you credit for. But, dear me....it seems I've been rambling. I really must learn to stop talking about such unimportant issues if I ever want to get the job done."  
  
That said, he raised the blade, ready to penetrate and tear through bruised flesh. "This is for Johnny, the poor fool who could not bear to hurt you, not then and not now, and so, I will finish this for hi-."  
  
JOHNNY stopped in mid-sentence, his body trembling and his teeth digging into his lower lip, drawing a fine line of blood from the sensitive skin. The knife fell from his hands to the paved ground beneath him and a shudder escaped soundly.  
  
Devi stood, her eyes glaring dangerously at the creature of a man who stood before her, and quickly pulled her foot from out of his stomach. She watched with considerable pride as he lurched forward and she planted her fist against his jaw. He jolted backwards, blood spewing out from his nose and mouth, and he fell against the pavement with a loud thud.  
  
There he lay, silent and still, almost as if he were dead, and to Devi, that's just what he appeared to be. Cautiously, as if she had never watched a single horror flick in her entire meaningless existence, she approached, watching as his chest moved up and down, heaving lightly. His eyebrows were knotted together in frustration, but he didn't stir, and so Devi readied herself to kick him one final time in the face, and bring back the real Johnny, the one she hated and feared, yet loved and cared for subconsciously.  
  
A hand suddenly lashed outward, grabbing hard onto her wrist, and JOHNNY sat up, yanking Devi D. close to him. They were nose to nose, grin to frown, and the skinny man twisted her fragile joint until a particular snap could be heard over the woman's shrill screech of pain.  
  
"You little bitch," he rasped, throwing her to the ground as he stood. "You fucking think I'm as weak as that skinny ass-fuck you first encountered? Shit, get a fucking clue. I am not Johnny, and I am most certainly not as weak!" he kicked her in the head, watching blissfully as she fell against the ground and lay still.  
  
"Luh-luh-leave her alone," a quiet voice demanded from the open doorway and JOHNNY turned to gaze upon what sad little soul had decided to chime in and interrupt. The small creature swallowed something, and stuttered again, "It w-wuh-was me you wanted to chop up. So don't hurt her."  
  
JOHNNY raised his lip, that familiar grin spreading across his face for the umpteenth time. "Oh, isn't that precious? Do you honestly think you're in any position to give orders, young Squee?" the demonic man chortled. "Now, run along upstairs. Play with your toys and I'll be along with you in a minute once my business is done here."  
  
Squee gulped again, and shook his head madly. His large eyes were fixed solely at the ground at the point in time, but he cast forced them up as quickly as possible. "No...No. Don't hurt her. Johnny loves her. And-and he'll kill you if you don't stop."  
  
"Johnny? THE Johnny?" JOHNNY giggled, lost in humor, his thoughts of Devi suddenly gone. "The one that I've destroyed, eaten, killed? The Johnny that has committed the same act that I have, by killing every other creature that deserved nothing less than pure, agonizing death and torture? You mean that Johnny?" He snorted, and glared at the child.  
  
"A deluded boy you have grown to be, my friend." he informed, pointing an accusing finger. "Do you honestly think that his feelings coincide with mine? Pure, righteous bullshit! I have none. Just because he feels, no, FELT for this thing, does most certainly not mean I will feel for him. I don't care if he loves her, he can't come back and kill me, because he is DEAD!!"  
  
Squee sniffled from the doorway. "No he's not. He's still alive."  
  
JOHNNY giggled again. "Oh? And how do you know that?"  
  
"'Cause Shmee told me so." Squee raised his small hands to reveal the teddy bear, smiling that obnoxious smile, its stitches only adding to its malice appearance. JOHNNY's eyes became wide, and he subconsciously took a step backwards.  
  
"Fucking child's toy..."  
  
"Shmee says that Johnny's still in you." Squee replied, hugging the bear close to his chest. "He says that he's-"  
  
"Clawing at your insides, isn't he, you mortal illusion fuck?" the bear interrupted. "He's tearing and clawing, screaming and writhing. He knows what you're up to, he knows what's going to happen, and you know that he won't give up without a fight. He's seen what you have done with Devi, the pain you have caused her....and the pain you have caused Squee."  
  
"Degenerate toy..."  
  
"You've hurt the only two beings on earth worth loving, and he's seen that. You should know him inside and out. After all, you've dwelled within him for so long, that you should know what he does when someone pisses him off."  
  
"NO!" JOHNNY fumed, slamming his boot onto the ground. "NO! Its not going to happen like that! I've killed him; he's dead and no fucking bear and his slave are going to bring him back! I am Johnny now! I am all that remains of him; I am the memories, I am the maniac; I am everything he wanted to be!"  
  
There was a small silence; the entire world still, aside from JOHNNY's rapid breaths. The wind hurled itself into the trees and through the grass, shuffling through what hair remained on the skinny man's head.  
  
"You are right," Shmee remarked after a few moments. "You are everything that freak wanted to be, but then again, you may be more. You've become everything he hates as well. He hates this new creature of his. You are a Frankenstein's Monster. You are a horrid beast that has become loathed by its creator. In essence, you are a walking pile of shit."  
  
JOHNNY growled.  
  
"And you let the girl get away." Shmee giggled. "You must be more like your creator than you want to admit, yes?"  
  
JOHNNY whirled around, eyes practically bugging out of the sockets that contained them. It was true; Devi D. was gone. "What? But how? I-YOU distracted me!" he screamed, realizing what had taken place. "You distracted me and she fled! Aagh!! You impudent, little-"  
  
Shmee's grin seemed to get bigger. "Fucks? At least the other Johnny was a little less repetitive than you, 'JOHNNY.'"  
  
JOHNNY glared, his blackened eyes only quivering and twitching in response to the demonic bear. He lashed out his hand, pointing accusingly at the boy and his bear. "This can't stand any longer....I've taken too much time and effort to get this far, to tear away from that shithead creature you call a human. I've been beaten down, repressed into little more than oblivion, and forced to listen time and time again to that 'thing's' constant demands and ravings and rantings-! I can't lose now! I won't lose now! Not to you and most certainly not to him!!!"  
  
Squee stepped forward, his eyes delivering tears upon the ground as if it were a plague from God and heaven above. Sadly, he stretched out his hand towards what was once a valuable 'friend' and stared, his lower lip quivering with emotional trauma.  
  
"Please....please, Mr. JOHNNY." he replied. "Please let him go. If you wanna kill me, then kill me. I just want him to be okay. I don't want anyone to get hurt. Not Shmee, not the Devi lady, and not Nny. I don't wanna have to see anyone else hurt because of me."  
  
Shmee screamed at the sudden emotional outburst from the child and immediately intervened. "NO! Todd, you don't know what you're doing! If you give him even the slightest chance to lay a hand or blade on you, he will tear you to ribbons! Don't give him the opportunity, you stupid, stupid boy!"  
  
JOHNNY grinned. "Don't listen to the damn bear. He doesn't know the pain you're going through. But I do, Squee. I know all about it...."

Johnny jumped straight onto his feet. He could tell something was wrong. He could feel it, hear it, see it. Squee was in trouble. He had to.....had to do something...  
  
Before he could even announce to his body that he was ready to think, he began to rush around, racing through the dark , his mind chattering away like a crowd of hippies. He felt his breath slipping away, but nothing mattered. Not anymore. Squee....that poor boy was in danger....he would be killed.  
  
Was there nothing the man could do...? "SQUEEEEEEEE!!!"

JOHNNY moved closer and ripped the toy from the child's grip, leisurely throwing him aside onto the dead ground. Shmee attempted to protest, but the dirt smothered in his stuffed-bear mouth prevented him from doing so, and so, his pleas were ignored.  
  
Squee heard his brain shriek at him to run, give him all the warnings, and in the end, he ignored it, even as JOHNNY crouched down to his level, those eyes piercing through him like a hot needle, and the skinny one's thin hands fell down upon his shoulders.  
  
"This is what you want, isn't it, little Squee....this is what its come down to, and I can assure you, you're making the right decision." JOHNNY's voice was cold and low, stinging Squee's ears, and he winced at the sound. "That's right. Once you're dead, Johnny and Devi and everyone will be much better off. They won't hurt anymore. I swear it to you...."  
  
JOHNNY's hands moved closer, curving around the child's small neck, and a small pressure followed. Squee closed his eyes tightly and shuddered, waiting for the moment, waiting to die.  
  
"There, there, boy..." the voice continued. "It'll all be over soon."  
  
The pressure grew and grew, and suddenly, Squee couldn't breathe anymore.

A/N: Sorry if it's all confusing. God, for such a short chapter, it was really long to write. Writer's block: thanks for nothing. A word of caution to this tale....: I'm gonna be writing another story, probably a one shot, but it may not/probably won't be a JTHM. I've already tried that (Nny/Mmy slash, one sided), and someday I'll put it up, but not right now..... Anyway, its really only to get my mind rolling so that I can leave this story for a bit and then come back from a little holiday and be all 'BAM! That's a great idea!!!'  
  
Oh yeah, I've already started on a sequel for this, and an idea for a third story has come into play. I'll try to be a little more active. I promise.  
  
Even I'm confused.....


	11. Lightning Rod

**If Only I Could Dream**

WARNING: This chapter could be a very disappointing one for some of you if you expected too much from me. For one thing, it rambles on and one (just look at my author's notes) and secondly, I found the ending very challenging to write. That's why it took so long. But I did try my absolute best and I sincerely hope you all enjoy this and stuff. K?

A/N: Well, a very interesting comment came by me, concerning the coldness of Johnny. I suppose this is one of those moments where I should make things a bit clearer....I guess....blech....duh. This is a behind the scenes look at what the hell my mind is making me do:

Yes, I have considered the ideas surrounding Johnny's "coldness" and the thought of such did not appeal to me. No, rather it was boring. Oh yeah, Johnny comes back from wherever as emotionless as can be. "Wow, I am cold...good for me." (spoken in dull monotone) Yes, end of story. Nuh uh. So I made him a delusional fuck and gave him the thought that he was the human version of Mr. Samsa, which is what he wanted to be. Yes, he is insane, and at the very beginning, held the belief that he was emotionless when he really wasn't. He is strange like that. After all, if he was cold right from the very beginning, we wouldn't have a story, now would we?

If that was confusing, then disregard, and read this: Emotions are crucial to the plot. So suck it up. :)

A/N II: Thanks to all of you who have reviewed and whatnot. You rock real hard....no, I don't like the way the sounded....let's try: You kick primordial sludge ass. I know that didn't make sense, but it was so fun to write. So let's begin another shit-filled chapter of ramblings and writings and stuff that makes no sense. Sorry I took so long to put this up. My sincerest apologies.

Lightning Rod

Squee had wanted to do something; wanted to say something that could possibly make JOHNNY stop, but the words sank in deeper every minute, and he stopped himself from doing so, even as the last bit of air left his lungs.

"_That's right. Once you're dead, Johnny and Devi and everyone will be much better off."_

"_They won't hurt anymore."_

"_This is what you want..."_

He felt himself fall into a sort of daze; the outer edges of his vision had blurred entirely, and were slowly spreading all around his eyes. He was falling again. Falling forever.

"NO! Squee! Wake up!" a voice called to him, echoing from all around. "Don't let him win!"

Squee opened his eyes lazily. JOHNNY's icy grip on his neck had lost pressure and JOHNNY himself was hissing something to an unknown creature behind him. "Sh-Shmee....?"

"That's enough, you fucking thing!" JOHNNY spat to the toy who had managed to flop over on his back somehow. "Don't you get it? Its over! I've won, and he's going to die!"

"No Squee." Shmee ignored the deranged skinny man. "It's not over if you fight back. You have to! Do it for...um...do it for yourself!"

JOHNNY released the boy all together, infuriated at such words. Those words could cost him if the bear didn't shut up. "GOD DAMMIT! Why can't you just accept that it's all fucking over?! You're just shoving useless shit into his head! It's not gonna work! No one is capable of stopping me! You hear that, you plush bastard! No one!!"

"I wouldn't put much faith into that." a voice called shakily. JOHNNY didn't have a chance to face the shaky person who dared defy him at the peak of his moment. A large, painful object snapped into the back of his skull forcing him to the ground, unconscious within the instant. A small stream of blood oozed down from his new wound, dripping down to the pavement.

Squee turned his attention upwards, still trying to catch his breath from JOHNNY's choking hold. "You-you saved me..." he managed, eyes fixated upon Devi D. "Th-thank you...."

Devi nodded, dropping the large, wooden fence post picked out from someone's yard. "Ugh God. This has been one of the worst days of my life..." she muttered, picking Shmee up off the ground and handing it to the small child.

Squee took the bear gratefully, smothering it with a hug and forcing a small smile. "Shmee, I'm glad you're okay."

Devi sighed, reaching down to grab Squee's hand and tugged him along gently, though hurriedly. "C'mon, we need to get out of here. Maybe there's a hospital nearby where I can drop you off or something. God, I knew Johnny was crazy, but I didn't know he was like this."

Squee pulled his hand from hers and stared back at Johnny's unmoving body. "Buh-but I can't leave him! He's in trouble! The...the bad man's going to kill him!"

Devi groaned inwardly. "If we don't get out of here, he'll kill us instead. "She knelt down, hoping to force some sense into the boy. "Don't you understand? He's crazy. He's an insane lunatic and if we stand around here, next thing you know, he'll be after us with those knives! We have to leave!"

"But," Squee attempted again. "That's not Johnny. The bad Johnny locked the good Johnny away in his head. I have to help...." He lowered his large head. "He saved me lotsa times. An-and I wanna help him. I don't want him to die..."

Devi groaned again. "Look-"

"That night...you liked him too. You don't want him to die, do you? Please...I just wanna make the bad man go away. So no one else important has to die." Squee replied. "He's all I have left."

Devi made a noise; something between gulping and sobbing, but tears were vacant from her eyes. She just stared. She stared at that twisted form she had like so very long ago. That person then...he had made her feel special. He had made her feel wanted. She wasn't alone when she had been with him, while with others she was alone all the time. Then he tried to kill her.

"I don't know what to do...

....................................................................................

Black....everything was so damn black...No light, no trees, no child screaming for air, nor the sound of a stuffed bear's pleas. What in the name of all things unholy...?

JOHHNY opened his eyes, suddenly startled at his surroundings. Where was the child? Dammit, he had been so close, so very close....but something intervened....Threw him from reality and back....

Back into Johnny's subconscious. Where his other victim was waiting.

"So." Came Johnny's voice from just above, calm and low. "What do you think you're doing? What is wrong with your demented mind, you repulsive bastard...?"

JOHNNY stood, wiping unseen dust from his clothes. His eyes narrowed, the right twitched involuntarily. Johnny was hidden, but it wouldn't take long to draw him out. "Don't you get it, Nny?" He returned, trying to find the source of the voice in the darkness. "This is our demented mind. We share it, and you created it long before I settled in. So the real question is: what's wrong with OUR demented mind?"

There was a long pause; it irked the one that stood in the black, awaiting the moment that his opponent, if that's what one would call it, would come out. He was paranoid, and that's what made him even angrier.

"Come out, Nny," he finally replied. "This little hide-and -go-seek game isn't helping either of us. Why don't you just come out so we can finish this?"

There was an odd sort of grunt from all around, then a snort as if Johnny was laughing.

"Last time I checked," the voice came again. "Hide-and-seek involved seeking. You've barely moved form your spot....That kind of makes me think...."

JOHNNY raised an eyebrow, that eye still in a fit of twitches.

"I think you're scared. That must be it....But then....it just confuses me more...."

JOHNNY gritted his teeth, anger pushed far beyond the limits.

Johnny continued. "You see.....you claim to the cold version of me, but the point of my being cold was to flush out all the excess. You know...get rid of all the unneeded emotion. You seem to have plenty of it for someone who's cold. How can you hold on to all that shit and still call yourself exactly what you are not?"

JOHNNY stifled the oncoming rage, and swallowed all of it down, his eyes swelling with tears at the pain of doing so. Getting angry would only make dear Johnny believe that he was right. So he felt it ease down into his gut and disappear into the furthest reaches of his body. "Hm," he answered calmly, pleased with himself for managing it. "I see your point, Nny. Perhaps I should explain."

"Yes, go ahead." Johnny's voice eased over, intrigued.

"You and I share one mind, a mind that, from the beginning, belonged to only you. I have managed to take over a good amount of this trash heap brain of yours, but since you still have some control, your mind still has emotion. Therefore, I can't fully and completely be myself until you're good and dead and all the existing extra shit has been cleansed from your body." JOHHNY proclaimed proudly, and happy to get that out of the way.

He smiled victoriously, hoping that Johnny would now see there was no way out. "And I can't do that until a) you either give up or b) I kill the only person you have felt full and total loving and caring emotion for. You've never tried to kill Squee, at least, not until I showed up."

Johnny shifted somewhere in the dark.

"Think of it this way: I'm kicking you out of your house," the man declared. "You can't get rid of me, but I can most certainly get rid of you. Now, are you ready to come out now?"

"How fucking dare you..."

JOHNNY felt the voice move closer. "Stop feeling, Johnny...." he muttered, getting nervous.

"Who the fuck do you think you are...terrorizing my mind and trying to destroy me...?"

JOHNNY whirled around, expecting the other to be there, but only emptiness filled the spot. "I said stop it!" he hissed, turning in a full circle to see if his enemy had some into his line of sight. "Stop feeling, dammit! It's affecting me...!"

"Just when I believed that I was in control...I wanted so much to believe that I was like Mr. Samsa that I brainwashed myself into thinking it was true....but it was all a lie. I could see that, but I didn't want to believe it. And then, you came in...

JOHNNY swallowed. That anger was returning again. "Shut up! That's enough!"

"No. You've tried to hurt Devi and Squee, and you killed that boy's parents....not that that's a bad thing. They deserved it and all....BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO FIND IT! And I'm not going to allow you to hurt him. I'll see to it that if anyone kills anything, I'll be there to gut you before you have the chance to spit up some miserable plea, you pathetic, fucking worm."

"Come on out, you little prick!" JOHNNY screeched, having had enough of the accusations that were so true. "I own you! I OWN YOU!" A noise came from behind him, and a rough, deep voice pierced his ears.

"Bullshit." JOHNNY whirled around just in time to see a fist flying at him and took the blow square in the face. He flew several feet from where he once stood, and landed hard on his backside. Blood poured from his nostrils and he was quick to try to catch it in his hands.

He raised his aching head to face Johnny again, but he had disappeared once more. His eyes widened, and rolled over to face the opposite direction. "Don't do this to me, Nny. You created me, remember? YOU were the poor creature that wanted to be cold; free from all painful emotion, just like that little bug, Samsa."

A shadow moved behind him and he threw himself around in just enough time to see it pass then disappear. "You were the one who didn't want to feel anymore, for anyone or anything. You wanted to be the perfect machine, relying only on survival. No cravings, no desires, no pleasurable extras to corrupt the mind. And the moment I give you that, you go off on some stupid little tantrum! ARGH, FUCK JOHNNY! You tried to kill me off because you couldn't handle it! You created the perfect being and suddenly I'm the monster! What kind of insane fucking shit is that?!"

"Hm, I can plainly see what you're saying." Johnny replied, a crude smile stretched out on his face. "Yes, I can just see it. Of course..."

He jumped out into view, this time in front of his other self. "I wasn't aware that trying to flush away all the shit meant that I would have to die. Hell, I didn't even know that Squee was to die as well. I think you're just coming up with pathetic excuses now, for doing those things you did. That poor child, already beaten down with nightmares and neglect, only to gain set of nightmares from a sick fuck like you."

JOHNNY glared as the other man stepped closer. "Well, I refuse to be subjected to this shit any further." Johnny gracefully pulled a rather long, sharpened knife from behind his back and flashed it brilliantly before JOHNNY.

"Seems to me, that this is the only possible place that I can kill you, since one cannot exist without a mind." Johnny snickered deviously. "Think of it this way: I want you out of my house, and the only way of accomplishing that, is to tear you into pieces and throw you out. So this is the final showdown of everything."

"You're not going to take it all away from me, Nny," JOHNNY countered. "I've worked too hard to take over as much of your mind as I did, and if I can die here, then you can as well. You're body is MINE!"

"We'll see..."

"You've always wanted to die anyway, Nny." JOHNNY reminded, quickly brandishing a knife of his own. "I can make that a reality. All those times that you've tried to end it all, because of something absolutely miserable; some stupid event that made you see how completely lame your existence has been. I can make your whole life disappear, just as you wanted." 

Johnny didn't take the time to respond to the statement and lunged out, swinging his weapon around wildly. The blade came down into JOHNNY's left arm, slicing it open, and JOHNNY wailed in both surprise and pain.

He grabbed his bleeding arm, hoping to stop the blood flow. "Dammit! I just want you dead!"

Johnny grinned, twirling the handle of his knife around his fingers. "Are you ready to give up? I hope not. What a boring fight it would be..."

JOHNNY growled, leaping into the air, and bringing down the knife towards Johnny. It tore into the man's shoulder, eliciting a sharp hiss, and Johnny fell to the ground, holding the wound. His eyes flashed dangerously.

JOHNNY smiled, "The world will be so much better off once you're dead and gone, you know." He stepped closer. "No more innocent little brat to care about; no more stupid obnoxious bitch to get in the way; best of all, no more sharing. I won't have to share mind and body with a deranged freak like you. I'll be my own man, free to kill without a care, survive without feeling, rise above all those who let their emotions and needs and desires get in their way. Do you know what this means, Nny?"

Johnny glared.

"It means I will be everything that you sought out to be. You will still be nothing." JOHNNY giggled, mouth curved upwards in a disgusting grin.

Johnny stood, almost lazily. He stared at the ground, expression thoughtful, swinging the knife back and forth at his side. "You know, I never really thought about what I was doing, that night I decided to leave for my holiday, I never even thought about how it would affect others' lives. Well, really only Squee's. Never thought about what I would do if I didn't care about him. Cockroaches eat their offspring sometimes. They KILL their own children for survival. And I would kill Squee for yours."

JOHNNY raised an eyebrow. "And...? That means what to me?"

"Nothing, I suppose." Johnny half smiled, closing his eyes in thought. "Just making a useless comparison, one that sickens me" he replied, voice angrier by the minute. He raised the knife again, readying himself for another blow.

JOHNNY ran his tongue over is lip, readying himself as well. They began to circle the area, watching each other like hawks, those vicious knifes caught in tight, painful grips.

"I've come too far to have you ruin everything I've worked so hard for this, Nny," JOHNNY growled, continuing to move. "You were always so annoying. Fighting back against me, just as your precious Devi fought too."

Johnny's eyes quickly widened. "Devi? What are you talking about?"

"Devi had her own demon, you see. Someone taking over; a voice that took on a true form," JOHNNY informed, a smile working its way onto his face. "The only difference between her situation and yours, is that she won."

Johnny's eyes narrowed once more.

"Of course, if it had been me stuck in her head, I would have torn apart her mind, then slaughtered her, then, just for fun, I would've sent you each and every one of her body parts individually, just to see your pathetic heart die."

Johnny screamed, jumping at his twin, "YOU FUCKING VIRUS!!" The knife connected with JOHNNY's other arm.

JOHNNY screeched in pain, instantly dropping the knife and falling to the ground. "Fuck!!" he held the new wound, blood spilling out between his fingers. The cut burned and ached, and before he could stop himself, a pained whimper escaped his lips.

Johnny smiled, walking towards his fallen opponent. "What was that? Did I hear correctly, or did you just make the pathetic noise of someone who knows what's to come? Does that mean, you accept defeat?" He suddenly snapped his arm straight into JOHNNY's jaw, watching humorously as the man skidded a few feet form his original spot.

Blood falling from his mouth, JOHNNY managed to speak, though his words were slurred and weak, "I am not defeated. I WILL kill you..."

WHAM!

Johnny's steel-toed boot now slammed into his face, and a particular snap was heard above JOHNNY's sudden wail.

It was around that time that JOHNNY's whole left arm disappeared.

Johnny stared, clearly surprised. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words escaped him. All he could manage was a soft "um...."

JOHNNY placed his only hand over where his arm had once been. The look on his face wasn't surprised in the very least; no, it was anger. Unbelievable anger. He turned his head to Johnny, eyes blazing with red. "Now, look what you've done..."

The other man raised a thin eyebrow. "What exactly have I done to make you lose your arm? I haven't even sliced it off yet."

Nose and lip bleeding, JOHNNY growled, "You're ruining everything! Why couldn't you have just disappeared?! You were just supposed to wither away and die, and you couldn't even do that!!"

Johnny just stared.

"Agh! Dammit!" JOHNNY stood, picking back up his knife. "I can't take it anymore! I'm going to fucking rip you apart, you fucking freak!" He moved quickly, the blade flashing violently, and aimed directly for Johnny's face.

The knife fell to the ground, clanking hard against the ground.

Johnny watched as his other self hit the ground hard, his thrown blade digging hard into the other man's ribs. JOHNNY's right leg was quick to vanish from all existence.

Johnny gave a small smile, picking up JOHNNY's fallen knife and waving it around mockingly. "I understand now. It's all so clear to me."

JOHNNY glared from his heap on the ground. "The more control I regain from you, the more you disappear. Within a few moments, you'll be nothing more than a pathetic torso," Johnny declared, walking over. JOHNNY rolled over on his stomach and promptly groaned in response.

"Damn, of all the defects I've come across in my day, you have got to be the absolute saddest being I've ever seen," Johnny remarked, unable to keep himself from chuckling. He knelt down next to JOHNNY, that unremorseful look in his eyes, and plunged the knife down into his back.

JOHNNY screamed again, trying with all his feeble efforts to grab at his tormenter with his remaining arm, but did not prevail. His arm quivered and quickly disappeared. He wriggled beneath the knife, screaming and screeching as loud as he could manage before Johnny gave in and kicked him in the ribs.

"Ew, that's kind of disgusting..." Johnny muttered, making a face. "Now, if I had torn off you're limbs, I probably wouldn't be as grossed out...God, that's disturbing.... Soon you'll just be some kind of rolling head."

JOHNNY lay there, still squirming and screaming, until finally, Johnny removed the knife and hoisted him up by the front of his shirt. He tore the knife out from his ribs and tossed it away.

"How could this have happened? I came so far...." JOHNNY murmured. "But, perhaps there is still hope..." That said, he leaned forward, slamming his forehead into Johnny's face. Johnny's wailed in pain, instantly dropping what was left of his attacker, and fell backwards to the ground.

He slammed his head against the ground and a blaze of white overtook his vision for a single moment.. In that time, the knife that had been in his hand skidded across the ground into the dark and he felt a hand grab at his own collar.

Johnny opened his eyes slightly, coming face to face with his evil twin, who had suddenly regenerated his lost left arm and straddled him with his only leg. Johnny lay, clearly stunned; the other man, JOHNNY, as he giggled and panted, slapped him hard in the cheek, and watched happily as dear Johnny's arm disappeared.

"You honestly thought you could win, didn't you, Nny?" JOHNNY asked, rather pleased with himself. "Foolish, foolish, foolish lies you tell yourself. I gave you a chance, remember? You could've given up, but no. You had to try to be the hero....of all the fucking stupidest things in the world, our wonderful murderous Nny here thought he could be the hero for once, instead of the ever unpopular villain...." He leaned forward, so that they were touching noses. "You lost."

"This can't be..."Johnny told himself softly in disbelief. "this just doesn't seem right...I'm not supposed to die...all those times I tried to kill myself, and THIS is the one time I end up losing my life?! When someone else kills me?! What the fuck...?"

JOHNNY grinned, paying no mind to the other man's ranting, and pulled out an oddly familiar knife. "Oooh. How pleasant...I get to destroy you with your own weapon. You thought you lost it, didn't you? No, I saved it. Just for you. You see," he explained, "this is no ordinary knife, Nny. Its one of the knives you tried to kill Devi with at you house. She gets to have her revenge through me, and stab you right in your fucking empty heart. Now, doesn't that sound nice?"

Johnny didn't bother to respond. He closed his eyes in defeat, and turned his head sideways. JOHNNY's limbs had returned and any hope the skinny being once had was gone. He sighed heavily, all of his thoughts ceasing to exist as he lay them all to rest.

_Oh come on, Johnny! Wake up!_

His eyes snapped open.

_Please...Don't die... Mommy and Daddy are gone now..._

Who? Who were they, these voices that screamed out in his head? They seemed so distant yet so close,; so familiar, but at the same time, unrecognizable. He felt his heart begin to pound in his chest, unable to stop its rapid thumping.

_You have to get up! Do it for Todd! I don't know what to do!_

Could it truly be them? Was he hearing their voices, or their thoughts? Could it be a joke the last of his mind was playing on him?

JOHNNY raised the blade into the air, running his tongue over his lip. His eyes flashed with the impending murder he would create, and he finally spoke, "This is the end for you, Johnny. All that hard work; I finally get what I deserve."

_You're all I gots left..._

"No. Dammit, there's nothing I can possibly do now."

_I hate you, but he needs you._

The rage built up inside; his muscles tensed, his heart pounded, and the world around him turned red.

_Please, don't leave me all alone..._

JOHNNY screamed as he brought the knife down towards Johnny 's head, but his actions were suddenly stopped.

Johnny's hand lashed out, grabbing hold of the offender's wrist. His missing arm reappeared and he caught the knife before it could hit the ground, gracefully throwing JOHNNY off of him. JOHNNY skidded across the ground, watching as his twin stood up and walked over to him.

His eyes were burning, his face was twisted in the most intimidating scowl. He grabbed JOHNNY once more by the collar of his shirt and hoisted him up so that they were face to face again. JOHNNY stared through fearful eyes, holding onto Johnny's cloth-gripping hand, as if that would force him to let go. However, it did not.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence, the only thing that could be hear being a raspy, spastic breathing, coming from none other than JOHNNY.

"What was I thinking?" Johnny broke through the deafening quiet, voice solemn and sorrowful . "This is all my fault. And I know it is. But I have the power to stop this. Knowing that things will be the way they were before: Myself, alone and monstrous; Squee, constantly scared, misled and uncared for; and Devi....my wonderful Devi: fearful of everything on the outside. All of that makes me wish I would be the one to die instead of you. So that I wouldn't have to see it all. So I wouldn't have to live it."

JOHNNY tried to force a smile. Perhaps he wouldn't die this day....

"Then I remember the kind of pain you wish to inflict on them." the skinny man continued. "And that's why I can't be the one to die. Besides, its not as if killing someone would be a new thing for me. A much as I wish it were."

JOHNNY raised his hands in a last minute plea. "No, Nny! I'll make a deal with you! If-if you let me live, I'll tell you how you came to be! I tell you what your life was like before all of this! Before you came into this shit-filled house and killed all of those shit-filled people and fed that damned wall!! I can show you, Nny!"

Johnny shook his head. "I've wanted to know for as long as I can remember, but if it means letting you live, then I'm afraid I must decline. You're just too dangerous."

"NO! NNY! DON'T!!"

Johnny shoved the blade into JOHNNY's sweaty forehead with a grunt, and forced it down into his face, slicing it all in half. He pulled it down from where it had stopped, halfway stuck in JOHNNY's chin, and forced it into the center of the victim's neck, pulling it out sideways. He watched as the neck fell against the body's shoulder, and JOHNNY convulsed and bled in his tight grip.

Johnny dropped the bleeding mass against the ground, forcing the knife into its chest, and tearing open, as he had done to the boy, Jimmy. He tore the flesh even more afterwards, all the way down to the stomach, and tore out a few bits and pieces, intestines and such, casting them aside.

That done, he sank to his knees, his eyes scanning over his latest piece of art.

As he sat there, watching the body twitch and spasm, he felt a tear grace his cheek, and quickly wiped it away. His skin felt so cold, his insides felt as if they were on fire; it all felt so strange, he couldn't quite explain the feeling.

After what seemed like hours, it had only been just a few seconds. JOHNNY was laying on the ground, moving slightly in his involuntary spasms, in a pool of dark red. But Johnny could feel no pity.

Standing up, the man dropped the weapon to the ground, hearing its metal rupture the spot, and began to walk away. He turned around only once, seeing the body stretch out its hand towards him, and then fall.

JOHNNY had stopped moving.

...............................................................................

A/N: Almost done. Sorry if this chapter seemed shitty to you. But I did it my way and nothing's going to change that.

'Um' doesn't actually qualify as a word. At least not to me.

I don't know if any of this is possible, but it's my world right now, so shut up and enjoy it . ;)


	12. Breaking the Habit

If Only I Could Dream

A/N: Goddamn.... Feel the love...

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 11: Breaking the Habit

---

"_Johnny...why did you kill me? You created me; you made me what I was. And then you slaughtered me, Johnny...how could you, you stupid, filthy creature!?"_

Johnny C. lifted his head up from he ground where he lay. He couldn't remember lying down. H couldn't remember being so tired; he must have fallen asleep again. Fallen asleep inside his own mind. He could tell it was his own, because the world around him was still so dark, littered with a sort of fog swirling around him.

Well, that, and the strange voice coming closer and closer. The voice of someone he knew was dead.

He stood up, wiping drool from the side of his mouth that had escaped while he slept. Eyes scanning the darkness, he could feel a presence. But barely. "I killed you," he whispered.

"Yes," the voice snapped. You killed me, or what you could see as my body. Before you knew what was truly going on; you know, when you first got back, I was nothing more than a silly voice you shrugged off. I've regressed back to that. And I'm dying. Oh yes, you've killed me, Johnny C. But I'm not all that dead."

Johnny shrugged. "You will be soon enough. I won't, remember? I gutted you and tore you in half. Quite a sight. I can only hope that you remember...?"

"Oh yes, I remember," JOHNNY sneered from the darkness. "Its an all too clear memory that will die with me. Just as your memory of me will die, and Squee's memory of you will die. His memories of everything in his childhood will die."

"You're lying."

"No," JOHNNY answered, sounding quite excited and amused. It's already begun, you know. It started the moment you left, and just before you returned, it became bigger. He's been hearing voices, you know? Mr. Eff. Psycho Doughboy. The voices of the dead inside your house. They talk to him. They call to him. He can't make them go away, and neither can you, Nny."

"No....you fucking, lying bastard..." Johnny growled menacingly.

"Shmee won't be able to protect him for very long. Its starting all over again. The same way it started with you. He's going to be just like you. And nothing can stop it!!"

Johnny stiffened, suddenly unleashing his anger unto the darkness around. "NO!! YOU LIE! HE'S GOING TO BE OKAY! HE'S GOING TO GROW UP HAPPY AND NORMAL!!!!"

"Nooooo....." the voice droned on. "He's lost. You both are. And so is Devi. You spread your disease to her a while back, but she fought and won...too bad though. You spread it to her again. Stronger this time, and she's not immune like some of the voices thought. She's sick again, Nny. Her and Squee. You've killed them, just as you've killed me....but they will be made to suffer."

Johnny shifted slightly.

"And you will not be there to see it..."

He said nothing, eyes closed tightly, not wanting to hear the things this monster spoke of. He wanted to disappear.

"You hurt me, Johnny." JOHNNY whispered, the voice sending shivers up the other man's spine. "But I can hurt you back. I may only have little more than five minutes before the life spills out of what I have left, but I will use this time for me."

"Open your eyes," JOHNNY cooed softly, mocking his other self. "See the imminent future that will be, the pain that others will suffer, the things that will be, regardless of your pitiful efforts. Now, you will relive the pain of your existence. Everything you have done, the good eaten away by the evil."

"Watch..." it whispered.

The memories hurt to look at. But they were there, flashing before him, like a deranged movie he was being forced to watch. And every second hurt. Every flash blinded him. Every ounce of it made him completely sick to his stomach. Literally, sick.

Johnny vomited, not at all sure what he had in his stomach to come up. But the sickness didn't go away, and the images didn't turn off.

So he...floated...or was he lying down? He wasn't even sure anymore. He wasn't sure of anything except that what was happening hurt. The blood running through his veins burned with unbelievable intensity and his head was screaming with voice after voice, and the images continued to burn through his mind like some out-of-control fire.

"Johnny, you stupid fuck. You were always screwing things up. Always a screw up. Why not put the torture to rest and kill yourself? Do it, you dumb fuck!!" came Psycho Doughboy's voice.

"You've let so many opportunities get away, my boy," Mr. Fuck joined in. "Go retrieve them! Make your life whole again with the joy you could never grasp!"

"There's no such thing as a perfectly rational, _internal _conversation, Nny. Not with you. So don't listen to either of them!"

"Nailbunny..." Johnny whispered, his throat burning when he spoke.

"Johnny, we could have made great things! Why?! Why...? I loved you...." another voice replied. Johnny quickly identified him as Jimmy and vomited again, the puke disappearing almost as soon as it all left his body.

Blood began to pool out from his mouth and his ears, and from the sockets of his eyes as well, flooding down his face. Eyes wide in shock, he stared at his now bloodstained hands. The blood was seeping from his fingertips.

"Do you want to know how it all started, Nny? What you were like before the madness reigned supreme in your pathetic life?" the voices replied all at once, together, creating a hideous new tone. "You were such a strange boy way back then... when the voices started, you didn't know what to do, so you didn't fight back. You let them take you. And then, there was that _doll_....it helped you forgot. It MADE you forget. It turned you into what you are now. And you are an extension of us."

"Stop..." Johnny whimpered, trying to block out the throbbing. "I don't want to remember what isn't real..."

"It was real, Johnny. It is real. What you did to those people...That's real. You did that before anything in your mind had been fully corrupt. That was all you. And Squee. Squee's next in line. "

"No...you lie...Why-why do I keep bleeding...? Whuh-what do you want fru-from m-me......?"

"We want to escape you, Johnny. We'll kill you to escape...That was the plan from the start. JOHNNY was supposed to kill you so that we could leave, but he failed. All of us. He failed all of us. You're so sick. Face it, Johnny. You're sick. We only want to do what's best for you..."

"Stop it!! Stop it! Just leave me alone!!" he screamed, throwing his head back and grabbing at it with his hands. "Go away!!" The pain worsened, in his veins, in his head, in his stomach. All over. It intensified, driving him madder and he shrieked.

"Johnny..."

"Get away! I don't want to hear it! I don't want to listen!!"

"Johnny..."

"No, please!! Let me fucking die already!!"

"Johnny."

---

Light.

For the first time in what had seemed like forever, he could see light. His narrowed his eyes, trying to take it in slowly so that it wouldn't blind him all at once, barely able to make out the shadows.

All that time he'd spent in the dark, inside his head, locked away where he was to be attacked. What had those voices been? Of course, he knew they were his figments. The ones he had locked away and others he had never known were there. Strange, it seemed that some had taken the voices of people who had actually existed. Jimmy, for one, was most certainly not living inside his head.

Was he?

Johnny shuddered absently. The thought was just too sickening for words.

"I think he's finally waking up."

That voice. It was so familiar. So dark and mysterious. So sadistic. It could only be the voice of one creature.

Forgetting the blinding light, his eyes snapped opened, revealing only more shapes and shadows. It took a moment for everything to come into focus, but when it did, Johnny was a little less than surprised to see who the owner of such an odd voice actually was.

"Good morning, Johnny C." Senor Diablo replied, his twisted smile suddenly becoming much more twisted. "You've been out for quite a while. And you vomited all over yourself. Twice. Lucky we had a few spare blankets, I suppose."

Johnny's pupils contracted, becoming almost invisible in his large eyes. He felt so incoherent. "I...I....where am I? What happened? And what exactly are you doing here?"

Senor Diablo chuckled as someone moved passed him towards Johnny. A lovely young woman with puffy blonde hair dabbed at Johnny's forehead with a wonderful warm, moist washcloth. Johnny raised an eyebrow at her, but she only returned a smile.

"So full of questions, aren't we?" the Devil replied. "Oh yes, Johnny, I would like you to meet my darling wife."

"Wife?"

"Why yes. Even the Devil has every opportunity for a normal married life," Diablo answered lazily. "You're in our house, not far from yours."

Johnny sat up, with the Diablo's wife still dabbing at his forehead. He had half a mind to shoo her away, but since she was the Devil's wife, that could put him in a bit of a hazardous position. So he refrained, but allowed his annoyance to be shown. "But...how did I get here? And where's Squee...and Devi....?"

"Squee's upstairs, playing with my son, Pepito. The girl left last night, once she decided that we would take good care of the child and you, of course. One would think that she is still quite taken with you, attempted murder or not," Senor Diablo replied, watching pleasurably as Johnny shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"You see, me and my son were heading over to the Casils' to see how the young boy Todd was doing, and if he would have liked to accompany us for dinner at..." the Devil shuddered, "MacMeaties... When we got to the house, however, we found you three. You were lying on the ground unconscious, Todd was sitting next to you, practically crying, and the girl appeared to be trying to talk some sense into the child. We tossed your would-be carcass into the car, and yadda yadda yadda, now you're here."

Johnny fidgeted with his fingers. "Did Devi seem....worried about me....?"

Diablo's smile disappeared. "Come now, Johnny. You know as well as I do that you've pretty much ruined your chances of getting together with any girl, let alone Devi D."

"I thought so," Johnny sighed. "She deserves better anyway...someone who doesn't kill people and hear voices and such."

"Speaking of which, how are those pesky figments? I hear, they tried to kill you."

Johnny's head snapped upwards to look at the Devil. "What do you know about that? I was in too much pain to really ask questions, but from what I gathered while I was unconscious is that they just used the other....JOHNNY person to kill me off so that they could get out of my head."

Diablo sat down next to him, "that would be the extent of it, but they don't seem to realize that probably would've disappeared the moment you were eaten by your other self, since it is you who've created them, not him. But JOHNNY was going to try to kill you regardless of any voices. So just disregard their speech completely."

Johnny shrugged. I see Squee now?"

"Why, certainly," Diablo answered. "Dear, why don't you finish those delightful worm cookies you love to bake so very much while I escort our visitor upstairs?" His wife nodded, still smiling and began to head back towards the kitchen.

Johnny stood up and the two started for the stairs. On the walls were pictures of the family one would swear was absolutely normal. But the Devil in front of him proved otherwise. They looked so happy though, a loving mother, a hard-working father, and a tiny son. Despite what these two beings truly were -demons-, they actually looked happy.

This must be what Squee wants... Johnny's thoughts shifted. He always just wanted someone to love him...but then those people...those sick people..."

They reached a rather large room at the end of the hall, where the door was open wide, and two small voices could be heard. Johnny peered in, careful not to make a sound.

"So, Squee," Pepito murmured, watching as the other boy rolled a makeshift toy across the floor. "What are you going to do now that your parents are...?"

Squee didn't look up from the floor as tears began to swell up in his eyes. He tried to blink them back, but one escaped and fell against the floor. "I dunno," his voice was shaky. "I'll probably haveta go live with my grandpa....I really don't want to. He's- he's crazy and stuff, and he tried to kill me one time. I don't really have any place to go."

"Maybe this is better for you," the Antichrist replied, his attitude somewhat fazed by Squee's pain. He wasn't nearly as creepy as he normally was, and his eyes were free of any malice or hate he was capable of conjuring up. "I mean, your parents....that Johnny person downstairs seems like he would make a much better parent than them..."

Squee nodded slightly, too upset to disagree with that one. It was probably true anyway. "Yeah, I guess. But I don't think Mr. Johnny would want to take care of me. He's got his own problems and stuff. Besides, I loved my parents...even if they didn't like me sometimes..."

Sadness drifted out from the room like perfume on a group of prepubescent prep girls. It filled Johnny's nostrils, seeping into his brain, and attacked his insides with such ferocity, that he almost doubled over in pain. He thought, that for a moment, there was a strange liquid substance at the corner of his eye, not unfamiliar, but strange nonetheless. He blinked this thought away, and turned his attention back to Squee.

It felt so weird. To have such strong feelings for some other human being. The first soul who had been actually free of inner hatred and the absence of the need to inflict pain on others. He felt his own need to preserve that in the boy for as long as possible, for who knew when it would be consumed by outside forces.

Johnny turned back to the Devil, who wore the expression of knowingness upon his features. "Mr. Satan, I have a...a favor to ask of you..." he whispered, so as not to be heard by the children.

"I have already sent a few of Hell's finest demons to repair the bodies. Once the pieces are put back together, I will allow for those horrible souls to return to their primitive lifestyle," Senor Diablo replied, ignoring the shocked expression on Johnny's face.

"How did you..?"

Satan snickered. "I'm the Devil, Johnny. I'm supposed to know these things. Anyhow, Young Todd may return to his parental units shortly. Normally I would not allow for such things to happen, but none of this was supposed to occur. You splitting your mind up, trying to kill Todd, him hearing voices from your ex-figments: MOST of that was not supposed to happen."

"Wait, what was that last part-?"

The Devil cut him off slyly. "Nor to worry. However, as payment for my taking you in against my moral judgment, I expect to see a lot more of your work heading down into the basement of my lovely home."

Johnny raised an eyebrow. "Um...yeah, sure," he answered, not quite sure what exactly the creature was talking about, so he ignored it and started for the bedroom. It was not a second later that he had quickly run back out, pressed up against the wall where he had just stood.

The Devil stared at him, amused no doubt, and ask calmly, "Whatever are you doing back out here, Johnny? Squee is located in THAT room." He pointed, smiling in his own evil way. "As I recall, you wanted to see him. Changed your mind?"

Johnny shook his head, fitfully. "No, I- I can't do it. I mean, I've made all of these attempts on his life. I almost killed him countless times; I could've..." he gulped something down, "slaughtered him... How can anyone expect me to go in there and confront someone so innocent that I myself tried to annihilate? Really?"

"I suppose you could just...LEAVE. Without any goodbyes and kisses and hugs and all that sort of meaningless nonsense," the Devil suggested, seemingly uninterested. "I mean, he is but a child, and you are a dreadful, homicidal presence in his life, scaring him to the point of pissing his own pants."

Johnny said nothing, but turned his gaze to the floor.

"Then again, you have actually saved him on countless occasions. You could say that you're his," the Devil chuckle, quite amused at this thought, "guardian angel. That may be the only good deed you've accomplished in your pathetic life."

Johnny glared, but any homicidal thoughts of 'killing' the Devil dispersed as he glanced back into the bedroom. "I'm hardly a guardian angel," he answered softly, "but I guess I did save him, like that time at the mall. If I could just save him from his parents and that fucking bear, he'd be set for the rest of his life."

"Well, make a decision soon, you pest. If you're not going to take him home, then I can tell my darling wife to set an extra place at the table for dinner for the boy, and you can wander off, alone," Satan was getting impatient.

Johnny's eyes narrowed significantly. "And here, I thought maybe you were being nice. I wish I would've known it was all just to get me out your sight." He stared back into the bedroom, and with a sigh, ventured in for the second time.

"You know, you could always stay with us," he could hear Pepito say. "I'm sure Father wouldn't mind, and Mother just adores you, you know."

Squee smiled to this; it was always nice to know that someone cared, even if they were demon-spawn. "Maybe..." he replied, quietly. "Maybe..."

Johnny took a deep breath, and sat down on the floor, next to his small neighbor. Damn, it felt so weird. This...caring about someone...it didn't feel like what he felt about Devi. That was LOVE love. This was like...brotherly love...or something. God...he actually cared. A shudder trailed a path up his spine, and good bumps littered his skin, invisible to the world beneath his ragged clothes.

"What are you doing?" he heard himself ask shakily.

Squee looked up, his saddened eyes suddenly sparkling with happiness. However, he only gave a small smile. "Just playing with some of Pepito's toys." He gestured towards his only real friend, but the devil had already left the room, much to Squee's surprise.

"The Devil's son is your friend?" Johnny asked, not even realizing he'd done so. He wondered at that moment if the child knew that Pepito's dad was the Devil, and ultimately wished he 'd kept his mouth shut.

Fortunately, Squee didn't seem at all fazed by the question. "Yeah. He stands up for me in school sometimes, when the other kids pick on me and stuff."

They were silent for a while, maybe five minutes or so; but it wasn't awkward or long. It was more the type of silence between two friends on a summer afternoon, just enjoying each other's company. Johnny could hear talking downstairs, between Satan and his son, more than likely about Squee and his parents. Perhaps the evil little family would take him in. At least he'd be loved.

He looked off towards the door, trying to listen in on what they were saying. It proved useless, as the Devil suddenly growled from his place down the steps, "Do mind your own business, Johnny. I'd hate to tear the ears from your enormous, empty head. " Johnny tore his focus away, indignantly, and found that his young friend was staring at him with those large eyes of his.

"Can we go home now?"

Johnny twitched slightly. He didn't think Squee would want to leave, since the boy probably didn't know about this awful parents son return to life. He decided not to ruin the surprise.

"But, you're parents...they're _dead_." He never had such a hard time saying the word as he did now. "When people die, they don't come back, Squeegee."

Squee smiled slightly, tears streaming down his face, his body choking with sobs. He didn't want to show that he was truly sad about it all to someone like Johnny. "I don't want to stay here. Can I stay with you until the bodies are gone?"

Johnny was taken aback. It was a question he'd never thought he'd hear. Unsure of what to do, he nodded dumbly. It would only be for a little while, as the parents would return soon, back to their miserable lives.

"You would want to?" he queried, slowly. "I was always under the impression that you wanted to avoid both me and my abode. What with all the screaming and such. And the....well, I guess, you know all about the things I've done, eh? I don't know if my house would be the best thing for you. I don't want you to be any more afraid of me than you already are."

Squee wiped his eyes, and answered in a voice that was all too innocent, "That was b'fore. I mean, you're still scary and crazy, but...I know you didn't REALLY want to kill me. You're just crazier than usual, is all."

Johnny blinked. Such a sweet boy he was, however naïve.

"Besides, the boy replied. "My daddy is...WAS scarier than you. At least you're nice."

Johnny smiled. "Well, I guess that's true," he answered shyly. "Listen, Squee. I know things may look a little...shaky now, but they're bound to get better." His throat hurt as he said this; he just wasn't used to playing the role of optimist.

Squee smiled, the tears disappearing from his rounded eyes. Johnny smiled back. "I guess we can leave now, if you want. I don't think the Devil likes me being here."

---

_I shouldn't be here anymore. I really shouldn't. After all the trouble I've caused. And the things the voices said. They said Squee was next. For what? To go insane? To turn into some wretched beast bent on killing and ranting about the unjust situations in life that he must fix by means of violence and slaughter? To try and kill the people he holds dear, simply because of some internal, insane presence? I just can't allow that to happen. Maybe if I leave, he won't be subject to such harshness. _

_Yes, this is best, I believe. He won't have to roll around in my shit if I'm gone. Yes, and I'll take the Doughboys with, and Nailbunny and Reverend Meat. Maybe I should burn the whole damn house down, with all of them in it. That way, he's not influenced by their evil, and neither am I. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. Yeah._

_He'll be alone again though. _

Johnny glanced down at his young friend, who had, at some point in time, wrapped his tiny hand around the man's. Johnny couldn't recall when that had happen; he hadn't even felt it. Despite how uncomfortable he felt at this, he said nothing, nor tore his hand away. After all, if the kid's parents were to be walking about and acting like their cruel, stupid, drugged -up, liquored selves, then why not let him be happy, even for only a few moments.

His thoughts turned back to when they had left the house. Senior Diablo was thrilled when Johnny announced his departure, but seemed pretty neutral when it became apparent that Squee was leaving too. But it wasn't that. It was what the Devil had said as the two walked out the front door, seemingly content.

"_Take care, Mr. C. Who knows what and who awaits you when you get home..." he'd said, winking slyly at Johnny. _

Johnny shuddered. The way he had winked. And that smile. Goddamn, did he know something that the poor man didn't? The bastard had probably sent his little demons to fuck with his house and set it to explode when he stepped inside. That was it, wasn't it?...

"Are you okay, Mr. Johnny?" Squee whispered.

Johnny smiled nervously. "Um, yeah. I was just thinking about certain things. You don't need to call me Mr. Johnny, Squee. Save your politeness for people who deserve it. Call me Nny, or even Johnny will work if you'd rather call me that," he replied, trying to put on his 'happy' face.

..._Do I even have a 'Happy Face?'_

Probably not, he decided as hey reached their block and headed down the sidewalk. It was only after a minute or two did they begin to hear screaming.

This wasn't screaming of pain or fear or anything like that. This was angry screaming; Cussing, yelling, and sounds that signified someone was throwing stuff. Worse yet, they were coming from Squee's house.

Johnny bit his lip as they stopped at Squee's front door, still hearing the noises that seeped through with ease. He glanced at Squee, who seemed even more scared than usual, and pushed him back a little.

"Do you want to go back to this?" his voice shook.

Squee gulped audibly, staring at the door. His parents had never hit him, not once, but now.....now it sounded like they would. Would they start beating him now? Would Johnny kill them if they did? Yeah.

The noises stopped abruptly. Not a sound came, not even something that could've meant they killed one another.

---

Black and gray, red and orange and yellow. Sometimes blue. That was the way things looked from his point of view. No one else seemed to be able to see it. They found it as a way of living, unable to identify the fact that they were all in Hell.

It seemed kind of pointless to him, but what the hell? If acting like everyone else did saved him from being unnoticed and unharmed, then that's what he would do. Still, it just seemed stupid. Like that bagel man who kept getting run over everyday.

_Ah,, there you are, you detestable little zit._

He opened his eyes, seeing nothing but the usual fiery red and the flames shooting upward at the sky. The voice was in his head, pounding, hurting. But he ignored this sensation, as it strangely enough, delivered him from the constant throbbing he had felt for so long.

He said nothing, and the voice didn't expect him to.

_Get yourself ready. You're leaving. _

He sat straight up, hearing his back snap in defiance, and opened his cotton-dry mouth quickly to speak, "You mean, I can leave? Where am I going? Heaven, right? You're going to send me to Heaven?"

The voice laughed shrilly. _I think not, worm-child. I'm sending you above. You're returning to Earth I have a special....job for you. Heaven....that's a good one. Honestly, you have been sent here for a reason, and I highly doubt you'll ever be floating in that beautiful sky for any length of time in this eternity. _

He frowned at this. Never going to Heaven? That meant he would be made to suffer forever in eternal hell, forced to converse with those...morons. What had he done to be dropped off with such obvious idiots who were so visible flawed with their inferiority. He spoke none of this to the voice, however, knowing that would probably just piss off his Master and he'd lose this chance to leave. "What's this....job? Is it painful? Its painful, isn't it?"

_Hardly. As far as I know and will allow, nothing will hurt you as long as your up there. You won't be able to bleed, eat, nor will you be able to engage in any sexual pleasures, as I'm sure you did nothing of the sort anyhow when you were alive. The reason is all too obvious. _The voice made a disgusted noise, something between swallowing vomit and a muffled 'ew.'

He growled indignantly, but shrugged it away. "And where am I going exactly? How is it that I could possibly be sent back and not be able to eat or anything. And for your information, I didn't die a virgin or anything like that!"

_Ah, yes. That's because you were raped. Twice. They still talk about you, you know. Now if you'd let me explain..._

He blushed furiously. How could he not expect the Devil to know about that? He stayed silent. The voice was become infuriated with the interruptions.

_I'm sending you up to a friend of mine. Maybe you know him....His name's Johnny C._

He didn't have to think twice. "When do I leave?"

----

Haunting haunting haunting haunting .....She was always being haunted by these things. These fears that consumed her every nerve, her body, her mind. She felt the need to cry at all of it, but the tears wouldn't come, so she painted instead, jabbing her brush at the canvas, angrily.

Why did life have to be filled with such shit? Filled with little boys that watched their families die, and wonderful that couldn't help but go horribly insane and brutally murder people? Why did it have to be like that?

Why couldn't it just be okay? Why couldn't she just be.....happy?

Devi D. lay on her couch, eyes closed, listening to the sounds of her apartment. Her mind was ablaze with thoughts, but no matter how much they persisted, she managed to block them out. All these excess thoughts...driving her crazy again...

How she longed for sanity.

But that wasn't likely to happen; not after the latest events. Sure, she felt kind of bad for leaving that kid there, with some strange family, but he had known them, and Johnny was unconscious, thank God.

Johnny...

"Oh, why couldn't he have been sane...somewhat?" she asked herself, opening her eyes and staring at the ceiling.

"How...boring..."

Devi's sat straight up, her eyes scanning the room, in a panic. That voice...it sounded so familiar...it couldn't be...She gulped something down in her throat, and swung her legs over the side of the couch, ready to jump up if necessary.

A shadow stepped out, grinning, and staring at her with vacant eye sockets. "Hello, Devi. So nice to see you again."

Devi stared in disbelief. "Sih-Sickness?"

Sickness nodded, still smiling, and yanked two shiny screws into view. It forced them into the empty eye sockets, and turned its attention back to Devi once more. "That's better....now...where were we?..."

Devi screamed.

---

A/N: The bad news: No more Devi in this story. Sorry. I figure, with Sickness coming back and all, it would just make this story even longer than necessary, not to mention tear the story away from Johnny, our resident basket case. Perhaps we will finish her story later...or not... I dunno...

There's about a chapter or two left. I know you're all thinking, 'why won't she just die already?' or something like that. I apologize. This chapter was rushed. And the next chapter will be too. Now that JOHNNY's dead, it's all....sloooooooooww. So after I'm done, there will be new fan fiction. I will be working on two fanfics at once: one will be JTHM, the continuation of this story, and Foster's home for imaginary friends will be the other one. I'll be much more involved. I promise.

The end is near....

...with a twist of something scary...lol


	13. White Lights

If Only I Could Dream

A/N: Last Chapter, FINALLY.

Disclaimer: All belong to JV.

---

Chapter 12: White Lights

---

Johnny was hesitant, reaching his hand out on the doorknob to young Squee's house, but couldn't find it in him to turn the doorknob. Was it fear that stopped him? The fear that if the boy's parents were, in fact, alive, that he would end up killing them?

He glanced at Squee for the umpteenth time, the child's gaze on the door, that ever-present fear of his own still flowing alive in his large eyes. He was shivering visibly, tears ready to stream down his flushed cheeks.

_He doesn't know his parents are supposed to brought back to life_, Johnny thought to himself. _He's scared of finding those bodies in there again. He's scared of seeing his parents dead, beneath all that blood. What if they're fighting…will I kill them? God, what if I'm still fucked…split up into two, or however many, people? Well, I guess if that were true, I would've tried to kill Squee by now…Shit, I'm stalling."_

He gulped and twisted the knob, watching as the door creaked open. It was so strange; the air that flowed out from the house was clean, pure, wonderful to breath. Not at all what Johnny had expected. Even if Senor Diablo had reinstated the boy's parents back to life, shouldn't the stench of blood and death come oozing out of the house as if it were slime?

"Maybe you should wait here," he whispered, not looking at Squee. He cold only focus on the house. The entrance was so dark and dead; the entire house appeared lifeless. "Maybe you should wait right here, outside, where it's safe…" he repeated, not even knowing that he had done so.

Squee gripped his hand again, closing his eyes tightly, and replying, "Don't leave me alone, please…I can go in…I'll just…stay away from the kitchen."

Johnny looked skeptical, but only sighed of slight frustration and guided his young companion into the house.

"I told you, I fucking told you, to make sure they remained unconscious when we brought them back! Jesus, this is the third time we have to bring 'em back to life now, because you're stupid. Who's going to clean up all this fucking blood?"

"If ya hadn't made it a point to make yourself get seen by them, we wouldn't have had a problem!"

"Oh, and I suppose it was a brilliant plan to blow their heads off simply to avoid being seen by them!"

"Listen, I'm not fucking God, ya know! I can't wipe memories away, you prat!"

Johnny continued to listen in on the current conversation. As far as he could tell, there were three beings arguing about in the kitchen, over what, he could only guess, were Squee's parents.

Cautiously, he peered around the corner into the kitchen, doing his best not to be seen by who-or whatever had ventured in. He pulled from the back of his pants one of those lovely knives that Satan had handed just before he left, and raised it up.

He leapt out, holding the knife above his head. His angered expression, however, was suddenly smacked off by a look of confusion and shock. The knife remained up, though the grip holding it was shaking. Not by fear….but by something else.

The three beings stared at him for a moment, stricken by silence, before one of them turned to the others and sneered at the two, "Oh look, he's fucking seen us. Are you going to blow off his head too?"

His rage was directed at the creature closest to what looked like the headless bodies of Squee's parents, holding a shotgun. He stood there, pushing two odd horns protruding out from his forehead back into his flesh, and suddenly aimed the gun at Johnny, a sort of pleasance flickering on his face. "Of course," he grinned.

"Stop stop stop," the third one growled, grabbing the weapon away from him. He turned to Johnny, a kind smile resting on his face, which the thin man realized was a bright shade of red. His flesh color was a weak crimson. "So sorry," the third replied. "You must be Johnny C. The Master told us you'd be arriving soon. We're just fixing up the bodies as he requested."

Johnny twitched, never lowering the knife. "You seem to be doing a fantastic job at it," he spat, trying to keep an eye on them all at once.

"Yes, well," the first one murmured., "As easy as it is," he suddenly bent forward, his tone raised in a yell, "bringing people back from the dead! I'm sorry, we're sooo slow. I mean, bad us. Bad demons. We should act more like the mortals and stop being lazy! We all know how easy it is for them to bring people back to fucking life!"

Johnny winced, annoyance clear in his eyes. "Listen," he groaned. "I'm sure you have a lot of work to get done, restoring dead people or whatever, so I'm going to let you do whatever it is you idiots do. I need those bastards alive as soon as possible."

"You were right," the shotgun-bearing demon whispered to his cohorts. "You're not God, but he sure thinks he is." The trio began snickering and Johnny sighed. With ease, he flung the knife forward into the air, watching as the blade collided with one of the demon's heads (he wasn't sure which one it was).

They stopped in their giggles, and began to go back to work. "Very well, Mr. Johnny," they remarked in unison. "Since you are Diablo's favorite…" More snickering ensued, but Johnny paid it no mind. He exited the kitchen, picking up Squee by the back of his shirt, and they headed up the steps to the child's room.

"Johnny," Squee sniffled as he sat down on the bed. "Who were those people? The ones in the kitchen? They sounded…scary… and why are we still at my house?"

Johnny sat down next to him, trying to bring comfort, though it was not something he was at all sure he could do. "Um, listen Squeegee. I was going to keep this as a surprise, but I'm not really all that good with that sort of thing so….Um…I guess, they're bringing you're parents back….from being dead."

Squee's eyes filled with a sudden happiness. So suddenly in fact that it sent Johnny falling backwards off the bed. The boy stood up on his bed, hugging himself and smiling with all the warmth he could muster. "Yay! My parents get to be alive again! Maybe this time they'll love me!"

Johnny crawled back on the bed, rubbing his sore scalp from the fall. "I wouldn't get my hopes up too high, Squee. I mean, just because they're gonna be alive again, doesn't mean-" he cut himself short. The happiness in the boy's face made him want to vomit with positive glory. Squee was never happy. How could Johnny deprive him of something that would be so short-lived anyway?

"Nevermind," he replied, lying down on the bed, his legs and head dangling off of the side. Squee sat down next him, looking at him in awe and wonder.

"Are you better now, Mr. Johnny?" he asked, somewhat cautiously.

Johnny thought for a moment. "Well, I haven't tried to kill you yet. That's a pretty decent sign if you ask me, Squee. God, I feel so tired now. Must be all that running around we did. " He felt himself yawn, and the all-too familiar feeling of exhaustion took over. He tried to fight it off, but it became stronger and stronger, beating against him relentlessly as if he were the victim in a one-sided fight.

"I don't hear any more arguing and shotgun noises." Squee's voice sounded distant. "Maybe Mommy and Daddy are alive now…"

Johnny felt his eyelids drop. "Uh huh…" he answered, not even realizing he had done so. He felt himself drift off, still fighting against it, trying to stay awake.

From downstairs, they could hear a faint noise; grunting, then the sound of mumbling, followed by a loud sharp yell. It went something like this:

"Holy SHIT! My head…! Where the hell did all this blood come from? Jesus!"

"Wha-What's going on?"

"Dammit, did you do this, woman? This place is a mess. Its probably Squee's fault."

"Who?"

Johnny rolled his eyes. He supposed that he should probably be leaving, but there was no real danger. It was highly unlikely that Squee's dad would come upstairs, what with his 'hatred' of the kid. So Johnny lay there, unable to move from exhaustion.

Then he remembered. There was something he needed to do. Something that needed to be said and done, so that maybe, everything _would _get better. He sat up suddenly, not bothering to look at little Squee.

"What's wrong, Mr. Johnny?"

He didn't turn his head, too focused on what he wanted to say. He hadn't thought a while back that it would affect Squee a while back, when he first came home, but it felt like there was a sudden -attachment-. This feeling made him sick. Now, it seemed like Squee would be upset.

_He'll just have to understand_, Johnny thought, making a face. "Yeah, he just needs to get away from the sick things, like me. Maybe then, he might be able to lead a healthy, young, fearful life."

Squee eyed him strangely. "What? Who are you talking to?"

Johnny looked surprised, unaware that he had been thinking out loud. "How embarrassing," he mumbled, turning to face his neighbor. "I keep forgetting to keep my thoughts to myself," he replied. "Dreadful habit, talking to one's self. But I digress. Squee, I'm afraid…I have to leave."

Squee went bugged-eyed, his eyeballs nearly leaping out of his head, "What? Whuh-why? I mean, please don't go. I don't want you to go. You-you're the only thing that helps me be safe from Daddy, like when you hit him on the head with the robot toy, and -I really liked that toy- but I was really happy that you did it! Then Daddy couldn't yell at me and make me feel all bad and stuff! You can't go!"

"I have to, Squee," Johnny explained, standing up. He began to pace back and forth in front of the bed, trying to drive the information into the child's head. "Look, there's something wrong with people; people like me, and its something that can't be fixed when all you can do is the same thing over and over again, and that thing is what adds to your sickness. I thought I was something better when I returned back here, but its just gotten worse. My trying to kill you proves that. You're the last person I want to kill. And who's to say that it won't happen again?" He paused catching his breath and getting all of his thoughts together. He closed his eyes, not wanting to look at the target of his speech.

"I don't want to hurt you, Squeegee," he whispered. "so I have to go. I have to try and cleanse away some of the shit in my head. So that I don't tear you to pieces." He wanted to phrase that another way, but it just seemed so damn effective.

Squee hugged his knees to his chest, staring up at Johnny in a pout. "But…I need you."

"You don't need me," the thin man responded, sitting down next to him. "God, this is like some twisted Disney movie with all the Goddamned fluff." He sighed. "Look, you have Tequito-"

"Pepito," Squee corrected, sadly.

"Er, yeah, Pepito. He's the real friend. I'm just the crazy guy next door murdering people who both piss me off and deserve it," Johnny reminded. "Do you really want to be around someone who kills, with the possibility that it may end your life as well?"

"Why are you just thinking of yourself?" Squee suddenly blurted out. Johnny stared in shock. It wasn't like Squee Casil to say something like that.

"I'm not thinking of myself," he grunted, crossing his arms. "I'm thinking about your well-being."

"No, you're not," Squee shot back, quietly. He never raised his tone, not once, and perhaps that was what made it all the more unsettling to Johnny. "You're using that as a 'scuse. To justify leaving. You keep assuming that I don't want you around, Mr. Johnny, but I do. Even though you scare me sometimes, you're still nice to me, and I bet if you weren't so crazy and talking to imaginary things, you would be nice to the Devi-lady too."

Johnny turned red, embarrassed that such a young boy could hit the nail on the head with such ease. "Now, wait a minute. I am doing this for your own good. I might KILL you. Doesn't that mean anything to you? Do you want to die?"

Squee shook his head. "No, I don't wanna die, Mr. Johnny. But I don't want you to leave either. If you leave, I'll be all alone. With my parents. With my dad. But…I think I'd rather die then get hurt anymore by Daddy. Especially if he starts hitting me…"

Johnny sat there, lost in thought. He wanted so desperately to leave, to keep from hurting the ones he cared for. But if he left, Squee would still be in pain. All alone….with the bear. And the lies, and the abusive children and parents. Could he really deny someone so vulnerable?

The old Johnny would've said yes. He found himself so desperately wanting to go back to that. "Fuck, I'm going so damn soft…."

"Are you sure…." he asked, in a low tone. "Are you sure you want me to stay? Even if JOHNNY comes back? Once I decide to stay, I'm just going to keep killing people as often, if not more than I used to. You'll still hear the screams every night. And the explosions. And its not going to stop."

Squee smiled, giving the answer clearly on his face, and Johnny's tiny, black heart sunk. Squee didn't know what he was getting himself into when he first moved in, but it had scared him half to death. Now, he was intentionally having Johnny stay in that rickety shack next door. But at what costs?

Johnny forced a smile back at him, and laid back down on the bed again. The exhaustion coming back to haunt him. He stared up at the ceiling, feeling each and every time Squee moved around on the bed, and fought the sleep with everything he had.

"Wow, Shmee," Squee squealed in delight, holding the bear just inches away from his face. "Did you hear? Mr. Johnny's gonna stay and protect us against the bad people! What's that? No, he's not gonna kill me, silly. He protecting us, and everything is gonna get better! Maybe even no more nightmares. Isn't that right, Johnny?"

He was gone. Lost in a world full of hideous nightmares and fantasies, no doubt.

Squee watched him lie there peacefully, suddenly feeling very tired himself. He yawned, stretching out his arms and found himself sniggling into Johnny's side, curled into a little ball on the bed.

Just before the sleep came to eat him, he vaguely heard Johnny mumble in his sleep, but didn't have the energy to respond.

"I…gotta kill….Squee…"

--- ---

---

--- ---

_God, I think I feel something…a-a pounding or something…is-is that my heart? MY heart? Holy shit, I really am alive, aren't I? And-and I don't have any wounds, and-and I can't bleed…I'm fucking alive!!_

He glanced around the room, slightly confused and panicked. It wasn't how he had remembered it; there were smiley faces on the walls were there should've been cracks and nails, bloodstains and stupid posters all over the place. The floor was carpeted nicely, though there were a few traces of blood that looked as if someone had actually tried to scrub them out, and just next to the stains sat a miniature broken robot, a small amount of dried blood sitting against it.

He realized then, that he was in a child's room. _Wait a minute…OH FUCK! Satan fucked up and sent me to some fucking brat! I'm probably sitting in some fucking stuffed bear or something!! Oh, damn!! Damn him to Hell….or Heaven…? Yeah, Heaven! Satan hates Heaven!!_

He heard a moan, then the rustling of a few blankets and scrambled to his side, seeing now where he truly was. Well, his first guess was right; he was indeed in a child's room, but the object of where he was contained was a bit off.

Johnny rolled over on the covers, Squee curled up next to his side, breathing steadily. The creature felt a loud shriek of glee exit his throat and he lunged at the sleeping man, stopping short suddenly when he saw his hands.

They were faded, dark, like a shadow of some sort. What was more was that he seemed to resemble someone else, at least from what he had seen of his arms. They were thinner, bony, and his fingers appeared claw-like.

_What the hell am I? I'm all weird looking and fuzzy looking, like a blurry TV image or something…or like a shadow…_

It hit him then, like a large brick to the skull.

"_I'm a shadow…I'm Johnny's shadow._

He heard Johnny grunt suddenly, and almost tried to hide by complete impulse. It seemed almost just like old times again, when he was alive and hiding from someone, most times Johnny towards the later days before he died; but he remembered what he was and decided it would be best if he simply -stood- there.

Johnny sat up, rubbing at his skull angrily, and muttering simple curses about his sleep. "Dammit, I did it again…I must be getting soft or something….maybe I need more caffeine…damn me. Damn me to hell." He glanced sideways at Squee, and gently pulled the covers over the child, trying to hide his smile. "Fuck….I really have gone soft…I need to go out and create art…..or kill someone. Maybe some teenage brat…or a mime…I think I'll kill a mime."

"That's the spirit, Nny."

Johnny stood up suddenly, scanning the room and pulling out a knife. "Who's there? Show yourself or I'll have to hunt you down AND kill you. Do us both the favor and come out."

He tried to stand out in the darkness, ignoring the obvious predicament in his shadow-tone skin. "I'm right here, Nny. Look harder, or turn on the light. I'd put the knife away too. It won't do you any good, since when you see who I am, you won't want to kill me…and you can't anyway. I can't die."

Johnny listened as best he could to the voice, a cold shudder tracing up and down his back, raising the hairs on his neck. "That voice…it can't be possible…" Quickly, he edged towards the wall, and flicked the light switch on.

There under the light, stood his shadow. It was actually standing there, disconnected from his body, its features still visible beneath its obvious darkness.

Johnny shuddered again. Darkness. The Darkness. Fucking **Darkness. **

_I also like being called "Darkness". Pretty cool huh?_

"Juh-Jimmy…This isn't possible. It isn't fucking possible, for God-fucking sake…" Johnny stammered in disbelief. "I swear I killed you…I fucking tore your chest open!"

"Yeah," Jimmy giggled, advancing on the other man. "Good times, huh? I wasn't really happy about it at the time, ya know, with all the pain and death and stuff. But now! I guess I would've tried to enjoy it more if I had known that eventually I would get to be apart of you. Oh man, I know this is going to sound really cheesy, but I always knew we were, like, one person. And it's great! At this rate, we'll be together, _forever_!"

It must've been a dream. Yes, he was dreaming…that's what it had to be. A dream, a really fucked up dream….didn't it?

He contemplated it a while longer before the world grew dark and his body became heavy, and he was out before he could realize his face was full of carpet.

--- ---

A/N: Oh no! Is Johnny still Squee-homicidal? Is Jimmy really his shadow? Are Squee's parents alive now, or did the demons just get lazy and give up? All of these questions and more, will be answered at a later date or perhaps not at all.

Hey, sorry the ending sucked and the fact that it was short. But that leaves new doors open for another story!!! YAY… cough …!!! I must say, this story took longer than I thought it would. Yeah, **a whole fucking year **longer. I originally figured it would take maybe a few weeks…maybe months. But, damn, a year!? I really suck, huh?

It's done now, though. Thanks to those who reviewed and kept this story alive (I bet your thinking that was a mistake now, huh?) I'm not sure what I'm going to write next, but whatever it is, its coming to you live from prison. Oh yeah.


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